I just returned from a whirlwind of a vacation in Disneyworld; 5 adults, 5 kids, 5 theme parks, 5 long days. While we had many magical moments and lots of memory making; it was very frantic and anxiety-provoking. The past month and a half I've been having many flashbacks and have been trying to connect many dots. This vacation had many triggering moments and most days I felt like a complete outsider who did not belong with the group and wanting to cry.
One day, everyone was tired and feeling the lack of sleep and tension of so much running around. My two best friends, who are married, were mad at each other and the tension was seeping through to all of us. By late afternoon, the other couple and their two kids left to go do their own thing. My friends, my two nephews, my daughter and I spent a silent $160 lunch at Hard Rock Cafe and then all hell broke loose. The older nephew and dad went back in the park. His wife was pissed and grabbed the younger one and said she was taking a taxi. By now she was yelling at me and telling me my daughter and I could do whatever we want. We sat there stunned and I started crying. Then she tries to tell me she's not mad at me but it's all because the older nephew took a shower in the morning without asking. That's why she and hubby were fighting. That's not really the reason, but we were all exhausted. H and N show up while she's yelling and I'm crying and she starts yelling at N. He's shocked and H is telling him to not argue back, that she was being ridiculous, and this set her off more. We stormed off, no one speaking, and got back to the hotel. We all took naps.
So I know this is a silly story of adults being tired and stressed, but the part that still hurts is that it was just brushed aside. These are my closest friends, my chosen family. They are the only ones who know what I've been through and my journey through healing. I never got an apology or explanation for being yelled at and made to cry. Things calmed down, but there was an air of tension remaining and she pretty much ignored me the rest of the trip. She's usually always there for me with an ear for listening or a kind word. I guess I feel rejected and it hurts. This was supposed to be a once in a lifetime trip that was worth selling the camper and going into debt for in order to have this time together with the kids and I know we all came home feeling a bit let down. Maybe I'm projecting my feelings on others and maybe I'm exhausted from being up or 20 hours and traveling all day...but I needed to own that I feel hurt and sad and I don't like it. I think part of it is my fear might be coming true....my friends/family are turning away from me and I'm scared of feeling so alone.
Has anyone had a similar experience and how did you recover? Did it just get better once you caught up on rest or did you have to do processing around it?
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Times like this, I wish I could transmogrify myself and send my duplicate instead. I would gladly miss out on the Magic if it meant that my family could be sure of having a good time.
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I'm so sorry your friend didn't acknowledge what happened afterwards. I would find that very triggering too (the whole dynamic of blowing up about something that isn't the real issue and then pretending it never happened is a painful dynamic in my family). I can see why you're feeling hurt. Like the others who replied, I hope your friend will be open to talking it over. Do you feel comfortable approaching her to talk it over once you've all had some time to decompress?