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21 replies

Melting Down (UPDATE)

True NorthTrue NorthCo-moderator
Hi ... I had my last session today before Christmas. I had prepared a nice card for my T and wrote him a long letter reflecting on the past year as a gift to him. I also brough him a few very small "jokey" kind of gifts that were relevant to some recent conversations we had and which made him chuckle. The session was not too heavy as I wanted to avoid anything that would trigger me over Christmas. I won't see him until next Wednesday.

I was nervous that he was going to cancel today because when I saw him on MOnday he had a bad cold. I had been antsy all week because I could not hold a connection to him due to the fact that he would not shake hands on Monday, claiming that he did not want to get me sick. It was very arkward when I left him on Monday as he stood very far away from me and kept his distance during the session. This was rather unsettling to me but I kept telling myself he was being cautious not to get me sick, although I felt it was no big deal and could just wash my hand or use some Purell. After all we both touched the doorknob Confused

So today at the end of the session I put my blanket away and was so downhearted having to leave him at Christmas without even a handshake (he didn't shake my hand when I got there again saying he still had the cold). And so I walked up to him and said... do you know what I have in my purse? He said, probably just about anything (it's a big purse) and I said I have Purell and I promise to use it if you will shake my hand for Christmas. Pathetic I know. And so he reluctantly did saying don't blame him if I get sick.

After the session I spoke with a friend and we talked about how it all went and it seemed okay to me. Then later on when I was sitting alone I was hit full force by something that I had blocked out from the session. It has sent me directly to the black hole of self hatred and self disgust and it's not pretty here.

In a nutshell... while talking to T about Christmas I told him how one Christmas was special because it was the first time I shook oldT's hand. How it took me a year to work up the courage to do that and how memorable it was and how we continued to shake after that (he does not know about the hugs). I told him how we discussed it and it turned out to be a really okay connecting thing. He remarked that it was odd that OldT didn't shake hands as he was trained to shake hands and he uses it as a "marker" for when the session begins and when it ends. The "work" is over when we shake hands and begins when we shake hands. We can still chit chat at the end of the session but work is done. The handshake is the frame of the session. It's a marker for him. Well as you can imagine how awful this feels to me after struggling so much to accept that he does not hug or touch and working SO hard to convince myself that the handshake was him offering warmth and caring and connection. Was his way of offering that touch that he offers in no other way and trying to tell myself it was the same as getting a hug. And maybe I was so stupid and so oblivious to the ending of the "work" and the session and that is why a few times he shook my hand a second time... to shut me up.

If he needs a marker then maybe he can blow a whistle or use a bullhorn or something.... not use a handshake. That has now lost ALL meaning for me and I am back with that terrible pain in my chest and in my hands. The pain I experienced the last time we talked about touch and I was so devastated. My hands hurt me again. On top of this it seems like I'm the only one who has been denied this kind of healing touch that I need/yearn for so badly. It just makes me feel awful and I hate that in my last two sessions my T has not even come near me and stands with his hands in his pockets on the other side of the room and says goodbye and how today I FORCED him to shake hands with me. Yeah yeah he has a cold big deal... I'm with a sick kid all the time and bosses who are sneezing all over the place and I am still alive.

I feel like thiings are broken and that I cannot do this anymore. I have been struggling with doing any real therapy since the touch rejection conversation. I have skirted around it but I can't get back to therapy because I am totally blocked by the feeling that he has NO idea how this is impacting me and how disgusting I feel no matter how much I try to intellectualize and rationalize.

And now I'm melting down into a dark black place and want to hide and forget the holiday.

So that's it. A very merry christmas to me.

TN
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unbrokenunbrokenMember
(((TN)))

I am so sorry that you had this experience today with your T. The whole issue with touch resonates with me and I understand the pain of not getting that from someone we care so deeply about. When you mentioned your hands hurting, I knew that pain as I've felt it so many times. I know how when my heart has ever been broken, I've felt such an incredible ache in my hands. So, I know how bad you are hurting right now and want to tell you that I am here for you-- you are an incredible person and if I had the chance of ever meeting you in person I would gladly throw my arms around you to show you just how much I've appreciated all you've done to support me, and because I think you are amazing.

Your T wasn't being very sensitive to your feelings in regards to touch, and I am sorry that this happened to you. My thoughts are with you tonight.

Why are T's so lame about touch? It's the one thing that feels so healing, yet they avoid it? Tomorrow I'll say goodbye to one of the most beautiful people I've ever had the chance of knowing and I will have to walk away without a hug-- and possibly without any touch. Frowner

Hugs to you, TN, tonight.
--Brokes
I incognitoMember
(((TN)))

I'm sorry that you are melting into a dark black place after your session. Maybe the handshake can be both things, a marker for the end of the session and him offering warmth and caring and connection. I'm sorry the pain about touch feels like it is preventing you from getting back to therapy but maybe the pain about touch is your therapy. Maybe you need to talk about how it is impacting you and how disgusting you feel and stop trying to intellectualize and rationalize.

I feel the same way. I also had a difficult last session last night because my T tried to keep things light before the break but didn't tell me that was what he was doing so I just felt ignored. I exchanged emails with him today and it didn't help much. I don't see him until next Friday. Maybe we can check in on each other this holiday so there is one place we can admit we are not merry.

As another thought my T is still sick and was losing his voice. Maybe they are not at their best because of their illness.
B bltMember
Oh TN, I am so sorry, it sounds really awful what you are going through right now

I can see how everything that happened would be really, really triggering for you based on what has happened to you in the past, both with your old T and your current one.

I wish that your T could have realized it would be triggering for him to try to avoid shaking your hand, as well as to talk about the handshake as a "marker" in the way he did. But I also think first, that NOT wanting to shake hands because he was sick was really a sign of a deeper level of caring and protection for you...not wanting to get you sick too. And likewise, just because he *also* sees the handshake as a marker for when your work begins and ends, doesn't mean it can't also be about touch and expressing care in a physical way. I think it can be both at the same time.

I am so sorry you can't talk about this more with your T *now* and that this also feels like it could ruin your holiday.

FWIW I am personally hoping the two of you can work these things out. He sounds like a really good and caring T but these are really tough issues to deal with Frowner

I hope you can at least feel like we are here for you at the moment...
True NorthTrue NorthCo-moderator
Unbroken, incognito and alpaca thank you all for being here for me and for all your really kind words. I don't feel very amazing tonight. I feel worthless and hopeless.

It would be good to check in here and to have some company.

I feel like he has taken away the handshake. He has changed the meaning of it for me and now I have nothing and it hurts so bad. And yeah it could mean both things but he didn't say that. He only referred to it as the marker not as a way to connect and convey warmth. It means nothing to me now and obviously it never meant anything to him.

TN
B bltMember
quote:
It means nothing to me now and obviously it never meant anything to him.


I think if you go back and read what you've already written before about what he said to you about this, you will find evidence to contradict this. It doesn't change what you are feeling, though.

From out here, TN, everyone can see so clearly how much your T really does care about you. And yet you keep on experiencing in different ways emotionally that he CAN'T and DOESN'T. Those are REAL feelings, but I'm fairly certainly they aren't really about your T, they are coming from your past. Another example of transference and how much it absolutely sucks. I know I can't make it better for you but maybe you can hold on to just a SPECK of hope that eventually the clouds will clear and you can put these feelings in their true context?
L lieseMember
((((((((TN)))))))

I'm so sorry that you are in such a bad place right now, right before the holidays. Of course he's trying to connect with you. And you are right. If he really wanted to use a marker, he could use a whistle or a bullhorn. It's precisely because he is trying to connect with you is the reason that he is shaking your hand.

It's such a shame that he had to make a remark like that right before the holidays. He probably didn't think anything at all about the comment. It sounds like he was trying to just point out to you yet another example of where and how OldT wasn't doing what he was taught to do. The comment had more to do with that than anything else. And he probably has no idea how much touch means to you. Can you email him and try to get some clarification? There is no way you can make it through the holidays if you are feeling so bad.

Starting last spring, my T would occassionally throw things into the conversation that would remind me that this is also a professional relationship. It is a caring relationship for sure. But there is, unfortunately, that professional element to it that no matter how how we try, isn't going to go away. And I remember when he would throw something in there, like for a while he was talking about dropping my insurance company, how I would go home and cry and grieve. It's a tough thing to come to grips with. Believing that they do care. Believing that they do want to connect. All within the context of this professional relationship. It's like you have to split hairs all the time.

But again, the timing of it with the holidays around the corner. Maybe he is experiencing some countertransference re: OldT?

This is probably way out there but just another point of view re: what T said. I know using the word marker sounds cold but maybe that's the way he has to think about it. From the conversations you've had with him about touch, it seems like he has thought it all out, what it means to him, what he is willing to offer, etc. etc. You don't know his history. He could have been physically and/or sexually abused as a child. And maybe it just helps him to conceptualize the handshake as a marker simply because to think in any other terms might cause him too much conflict. From your prior conversations, it sounded like he has issues with touch. He even said something about it being a cultural thing for him?

TN, please contact him and get some reassurance. It sounded like an off-the-cuff remark that he didn't realize would hurt you so much. And if you had a sore throat, you would go to the doctor, right? You need to clarify this with him so you can have peace of mind.



xoxoxo

Love,

Liese
yakusokuyakusokuMember
TN - Frowner I'm so sorry. That sounds like such a painful experience to have. I don't know if you remember my recent experience with my T withdrawing touch for the same reason, to "protect" me from his own illness. I reacted very badly to it. It was painful and awful, because it was reiterating bad experiences with caregivers "protecting" me in a way that felt more harmful than helpful.

As far as your T's comments on it being a marker for the beginning and end of a session (not at all something my T ever initiated), I understand how hurtful that might be. However, I think him labeling it as a marker and not asserting its value in terms of connecting does not automatically exclude the latter from being true for him as well. From an outside perspective, I think that while your T is not so warm and fuzzy, he has obvious care for you in the way he conducts himself and that he attempts to offer comfort/connection through touch in the way that feels right to him. I think of the times that you have mentioned him patting your arm. Have there have also been times when he has held a handshake longer or emphasized it through other means (eye contact, firmer grip, etc.)? I think, maybe, your T's attunement was off due to illness and he was once again engaging this topic from an intellectual approach (you as a student of psychology), rather than being aware of how such a statement would affect you as a client who is getting in touch with a deep, old need for safe physical contact and the pain of its denial.

I also wonder, and I may be way off-base here, if there is a bit of that kid inside pushing him away out of her mind as a safe person, because she is aware he is not going to be available to her with the holiday. The reality is, her feelings that he isn't available are valid, but translating them into lack of care isn't accurate based on all his previous behavior. But, it hurts that he's not there and that not-there-ness is leaking over, perhaps, into the perception of the relationship as a whole. Sometimes when that is happening to me, I will reflect on moments of past attunement and close feelings with my T to remind myself that the connection truly does exist and the current feelings of pain, distance, aloneness, etc. are not the permanent state of things. I'm sorry if any of this is just not helpful in the moment. I know the pain can be unbearable and even knowing our feelings are intensified by the past does not change that there is very real hurt as a result of something experienced in your relationship with your T.

Sending you lots of warm thoughts and (((hugs))). I hope you are able to write or otherwise communicate these feelings to your T and let him reassure you that the connection does exist and he welcomes it, because I'm sure that is what is in his feelings for you.
True NorthTrue NorthCo-moderator
Thanks Liese and Yaku. It's late and I'm not clear in my head to write much. I just wish he would give me a tiny bit of warm fuzziness. He is way more comfortable intellectually which is fine when I'm stable. I'm not feeling too stable right now and I need a warm fuzzy connection to him.

I wrote him a very raw and convoluted email which he will probably hate reading and not even understand. I can just see him shaking his head thinking...here she goes again wanting too damn much and then understanding why oldT had to get rid of me.

Thanks for the hugs everyone. At least I can get them here.

TN
L lieseMember
(((((TN)))))

I doubt he would think that but can see why you would feel that way. So glad you reached out to him. My T is much more comfortable intellectually too. It took a long time (4 years) for him to realize I needed more warmth. Hopefully your T is a faster learner. Wink Tn, that's happened to me so many times. I leave a session feeling okay but then something is gnawing at me and it grows and grows until I figure out what it is. And before I know it, I have a full-blown crisis on my hands. The hypervigilence will calm down when you start to really feel secure with T. Eventually, even if you get upset about something he says, it won't hurt you in such a deep way. It won't tear you apart. You'll start to believe that you really are loveable. You'll trust him. You'll come to see who he really is. And you'll just know, oh that's T. Sometimes he sticks his foot in his mouth a little bit. But he didn't mean to hurt me.

Your need for touch and connection is so normal and natural. There's nothing shameful in it. Of course you want to connect with your attachment figure. Honestly, I was a bit proud of you for going in there with your purell. You let him know it was important to you. You asked for what you wanted. We are vulnerable putting our needs out there when we are not sure how the other person is receiving it. And probably a need that you don't feel completely confident about?

I know the next couple of days will be crazy but if you get a second, let us know what he says.




xoxoxo

Love,

Liese
heldincompassionheldincompassionMember
TN,

I am sorry this happened. I can totally understand how the comments about handshakes being a marker would feel rejecting when they had come to mean so much to you. I'm glad that you were able to reach out to your T via email, though, and hope that he responds in a way that is helpful to you.

quote:
On top of this it seems like I'm the only one who has been denied this kind of healing touch that I need/yearn for so badly.


For what it's worth, I'm one of those who has never been touched by my T in any way. No handshake, no pat on the arm or shoulder, certainly no hugs. For awhile I thought this was well and good, and in fact the idea of her touching me was vaguely alarming. Now that I have begun to feel closer to her, I have been thinking a gentle touch of some kind when I am feeling distressed could mean so much. I haven't yet felt able to ask T about her policy on this, but I strongly suspect this is not something she does, or would do. Although she is warm and caring in many ways, there is something about her body language that is a bit stand off-ish and boundaried. Frowner

(((TN))) I believe that your T cares for you, and I have a very hard time thinking that he, or anyone, could think of you as a bother. You are so clearly a kind, compassionate, and thoughtful person. The way you are dedicated to healing the pain you are in and resolving old hurts is inspirational, and from things you have said before it sounds like your T really appreciates how dedicated you are to the healing process and how hard you work at it. That he is pleased when you reach out. Those feelings don't seem compatible with thinking of you in any way as a bother.

Take gentle care and I hope you start to feel a little better in time for the holiday.

Hugs,
HIC
starfishstarfishMember
Oohhh Frowner TN I am sorry. I am sat here trying to understand why he might have behaved like that and think maybe he was being considerate not shaking your hand becase he was frightened of passing something on - even though a cold virus is spread by droplet infection and not touch and as you'd sat with him for a whole session it was a bit immaterial whether he touched you or notFrowner But it seems like he'd made a decision - a stand almost - and nothing was going to change that.

I am so sorry that you are hurting, well done for e-mailing him, I hope that you get a response that can settle you somewhat. In the meantime hugs and thoughts to you



starfishy
True NorthTrue NorthCo-moderator
quote:
Tn, that's happened to me so many times. I leave a session feeling okay but then something is gnawing at me and it grows and grows until I figure out what it is. And before I know it, I have a full-blown crisis on my hands. The hypervigilence will calm down when you start to really feel secure with T.


Liese, this is what happens...sometimes I don't even pay conscious atention to something and then it comes back and hits me very hard and throws me into a death spiral. I feel like I'll never get to that point where I will feel secure with him... he is very consistent and unruffled and I think sometimes I just want to make him show SOMETHING so I don't have to see that endless detachment which makes me very crazy.

The UPDATE is that I wrote him a very raw, honest email last night telling him how I felt yesterday and how saying that his handshake was a marker of the session felt like he took the handshake away from me and now I'm left with nothing and how I held onto the handshake as a sign that he had some warmth and caring and he wanted to make connection with me. And now that is gone and we could just mark the session with a whistle.

I told him I felt pathetic for forcing him to shake my hand yesterday and telling him I had Purell to use.

He sent me a reassuring response this morning saying that I was right and he did talk about the handshake as a marker and that he learned that "in school" but now he uses it as a warm greeting and he tries to make eye contact and connection with me. He was sorry that his being sick and not shaking hands kicked off feelings of deprivation but he was not taking it away from me nor would he ever take it away. I told him that a cold germ would not kill me but that it felt worse than death to lose that connection and feel so alone.

I told him that mixed into these feelings was that conversation we had on touch and that we never went back to it and I knew it was because he would rather avoid it and I was trying to bury it but it was blocking my therapy. He agreed that we had left that topic unresolved and he would be happy to discuss it when our schedule was back to normal (after New Years).

I got this email early this morning and it helped me enough that I could get out of bed and go to my son's holiday concert. While at the concert I got another email from him regarding the letter I gave him yesterday for his Christmas gift.... he thanked me for the caring letter and that although the gifts were wonderful (the little jokey things I gave him) that the letter really made his day! Then he wished me a wonderful Christmas. THAT was the little bit of warm fuzzyness that I needed from him to heal my heart and make my hands stop hurting.

So that's it. I am in a better place now and will just have to wait until Wednesday to see him again and thrash this out in person. So many of you can see that he cares and is a good and effective T but I get so bogged down in the past parental deprivation and the trauma of losing oldT that things keep feeling out of control and the good stuff is so so hard to hold onto. He told me this happens when I let the fear take over. He said I'm so scared of losing him that "I" abandon him instead and do it first so he can't leave ME. He said I don't do it on purpose it's more a knee jerk reaction to when I feel that the relationship could be threatened.

I guess it's going to take a long time and lots of practice before I can do this without all the drama and disruptions.

Thanks for the support. I'll be back later.

Hugs
TN
yakusokuyakusokuMember
((((TN)))) I am so glad you received the warm, caring, attuned response to your email that I believed you would. Despite being able to see your T's care for you from the outside, I am often lost to seeing my own T's care from the inside. I'm sure anyone who reads about how my T treats me must think I'm a nut when I question whether he cares, fear he doesn't, want to sabotage the relationship, which happens more frequently than I've probably ever admitted. Two days ago, I was asking H whether I should quit, because of the conflict of us both sharing a T. Last night, I asked H whether I should put a hard line to T offering me the extra time that he does (when he schedules our sessions with his free period or end of day after, so we can run over and end smoothly if needed). Both followed extremely connected sessions, which triggered projections that it is all fake, ingenuine, just some tool to get me better as quickly as possible to get rid of me...or else he is fooling himself. Him caring just feels impossible. Anyway, I just wanted to share that to let you know that you're not alone in abandoning a caring T (failing to hold onto the real him and replacing him with the transferred version) in the face of fear or threat of rejection, loss, etc. And yes, I have to imagine it takes a very, very long time. OldT has probably made the process much longer. Frowner I'm sorry. I wish you had never been hurt like that by your parents and OldT. It's not fair that you have to fight so hard to believe someone is really there for you. Frowner That makes me sad.
S sadlyMember
I have just read this thread, TN, and am glad your T was able to sort out the handshake thing, as your responces to it were causing you such pain and I felt relief to hear that he had cleared it up.

I also learnt a lot today in my session. My T told me how much he had learnt from me this past year, especially about being professional and also seeing me as a person, treating me as a person with kindness whilst also doing his job well. He said that he learnt that he had to open up himself and really meet me, in order for therapy to work for me. He said he had to grow in himself and he thanked me for challenging him enough and often in order for that to happen and that he had to change and grow and deepen in himself in order for the relationship to work ... he just kept thanking me.

I was pretty stunned.

He said that he thought he was always very real in therapy, in his job, but I provoked such depth of being real in him and that he had to meet that and hear me and allow my views in - espcially the ones that were difficult for him. We both laughed at that, for he was UTTERLY rigid on the touch issue and after nearly a year of total block - i shocked myself and left. But he called me in and we talked about how hard I worked at that meeting to understand him and how hard he worked to hear me and we changed the 'no touch' policy and I have really opened up further since then and he agrees it has been such a positive break through.

I sat there, stunned. Delighted. My heart glowed.

It reminds me so much of how much therapists have to grow and how they have to be utterly real and how their rules and guidelines have been created and may not be right.

At the end of the session for the first time ever with him, I shyly asked for a hug. I actually said " I want a hug." I have never ever said that to him. He warmly hugged me and I felt wide open, vulnerable but safe. It was so kind and so NORMAL. I came home feeling that I met him more as a normal adult to adult today than I have ever done, and how can that be when I am being so very open and up front, actually BEING my small child feelings to him too.

I know I have wandered off into recounting my session - but it illustrates the many varied responses of T's on this topic. I don't know WHY your present T is so anti hugs or touch, but I hope he has the open ness of mind to look at HIS issues around it and not keep throwing it back on you. Maybe you can have a good christmas now that you have at least sorted out the handshake stuff. I know he is so good to you in so many ways. His heart is in the right place.
beaglemumbeaglemumMember
quote:
He said I'm so scared of losing him that "I" abandon him instead and do it first so he can't leave ME.


Ah (((TN))) your T is brilliant and he understands you so well and cares a great deal about and for you!!! What he said above is the key to so many behaviours - we're always (unknowingly) on the lookout for 'signs' and give ourselves such grief!!

I'm so pleased you've both sorted it out as much as possible for now and you're feeling more secure.

Take care TN!
S sadlyMember
quote:
So many of you can see that he cares and is a good and effective T but I get so bogged down in the past parental deprivation and the trauma of losing oldT that things keep feeling out of control and the good stuff is so so hard to hold onto. He told me this happens when I let the fear take over. He said I'm so scared of losing him that "I" abandon him instead and do it first so he can't leave ME. He said I don't do it on purpose it's more a knee jerk reaction to when I feel that the relationship could be threatened.



I think this kind of insight will help you through this. You are learning he will stick by you no matter what and that he listens and cares for you no matter what and a part of you just CANNOT believe that - for good reason because of what you have experienced so much of your life and old T did NOT help.

but he is steady. He can handle this. And you can handle the visissitudes of therapy too, the roller coaster of it, you will go and thrash it out with him and he will listen and point out what is going on and again you will learn that he is there for you and cares for you.

Oh boy, you could write a book, TN!
True NorthTrue NorthCo-moderator
Thanks everyone. I am doing okay today. I'm just very busy and haven't been around as I'm hosting both tonight's dinner and tomorrow's too and I have overnight guests and had to work yesterday so it's been really crazy here. But my ham is in the oven and it smells so yummy and the table is set, gifts wrapped and I am going now to get dressed and prepare the appetizers. And most of all... I have my T with me today and it feels good. There is that connection that I needed to get me through the holidays. We both discussed in our last session how much I have healed since last Christmas when I was in the throes of PTSD and grief over oldT. I could barely see straight last year and this year I am safe in this new therapeutic relationship with a T who takes care of me... not the other way around.

AG... yes I know how you feel about my T because he is very much like yours. We are lucky chicks. Thank you for being proud of me... that means a lot.

FOT...yes we know that fear of abandonment unfortunately too well. Our old T/P's did not help matters by making our nightmares come true. This makes it even harder for our current T/P's to help us as they have to deal with a lot of transference but I think it helps if we are aware of this and talk about it.

Sadly, thanks for sharing your experiences with sweet P. I can see how far you also have come and you have a wonderful relationship worth treasuring with him. I am glad this has worked out so well for you. I agree with you that the hardest part is actually believing anyone could care about you and maintain that care through some really rough times. I guess it takes awhile to be able to believe it.

Morgs! Thank you for your comment and for saying that my T is brilliant. In my saner moments I totally agree with you! It is just so hard to hold onto it in those darker moments. Good to see you around.

Hi Yaku...hang in there I know you are having a tough FOO Christmas. I appreciate your response. And yes, I think your T is wonderful, kind and caring and very attuned to you. He is also a treasure and I'm glad you have him in your life. I think we have to work on the fear we have of believing if someone cares it can't really be true or we don't deserve it or it's fake or WE are fake or whatever. I woke up today with a question in my mind..."why am I always so ready to believe the worst about my T when he has always been so good to me?" I think this is because those of us with trauma and abandonment histories see the world as an inherently dangerous, harmful, hurtful place and we cannot trust anyone because people will hurt us if we do. That is why interpersonal trauma is so difficult to heal.

Gotta run now but wanted to wish you all a very happy, peaceful holiday in whatever you do and with whomever you spend it with. Just remember you are all very special, strong and courageous people and deserve to be happy.

Hugs
TN
ladygreyladygreyMember
(((TN)))

I'm sorry. I can see how awful it would feel to learn that something that symbolized warmth and caring for you holds a different meaning for him.

However, I find myself interpreting his comment about it being a marker as a good thing. Perhaps its the human connection and the powerful emotions that a handshake can conjure up that serves to remind him that the two of you are entering into a special union at the beginning of the session, the bond of therapy,etc. And when you shake hands again, its his way of marking that the "work" is ending but the relationship continues.

I don't mean to discount how upsetting this was for you. I completely understand how this could send you spiraling. Just trying to offer an outside perspective. I think maybe you are twisting it to mean something bad. A handshake serving as a marker for someone does not rule out any warmth and sincerity in the handshake. It can both carry genuine warmth while also serving as a marker.

I wish you the best in sorting this out with T.

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3. That once my credit card is charged, there is no refund offered.

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4. If I'm using a coupon my receipt won't show the discounted amount (It'll show $7.95). However, I understand that it will go through as $2.95 when I am billed after the 7 day trial. (According to the current promotion, this discount applies to the first three months of my membership - and as long as I use the coupon in the checkout.)*

*Please note that after the 3 months, billing will revert to the regular monthly fee.
**The fee posted below is our standard billing fee (ie. using no coupon).

7-Day Free Trial, then $7.95 per Month (plus tax if applicable)
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