(((R2G)))

I hope that therapy is helpful this week and you are feeling better soon. Don't worry about responding here. If you need support, please feel free to reach out here.

Hi R2G - I was just about to post a similar post when I saw yours and I find it reassuring in a way that some of us are struggling right now, in that we are not alone.
I wish you luck in your intense week and hope it gives you some of the healing and soothing that we so often need.
with care, S

(((R2G))) (((Sadly)))

It's OK to take a break or be here intermittently. What is important is taking care of you! Thinking of you both.

(((((R2G)))))

Thanks for letting us know what's up...hope your week goes well and that you will post only if you need to or want to, without any dreaded guilt!

hugs,

BB

((((((R2G))))))

Take care of yourself, and thanks for updating! Many hugs to you.

R2G,

Sorry to hear that things have been so triggering for you here lately. Do whatever you need to in order to take good care of yourself. Sending hugs your way!

Thanks for being so understanding everyone, I really appreciate the hugs, too.

I had a major thought bomb on the way to my session tonight, and I know the weight of it hasn't fully hit me yet. When it does, I anticipate taking my first xanax, though.

I realized that my parents will never be the parents I want them to be, and they will never be able to give me what I so strongly desire, and what I should have gotten from my parents growing up. When that thought landed in my consciousness a few hours ago, it felt like someone sticking a knife in my heart and twisting it around over, and over, and over. Yet, I didn't cry. No tears were shed in session, even as I watched the pain in my Ts eye as I shared the realization with her. Nothing. Kind of numb, I suppose.

Hugs to everyone....

R2G... I'm sorry you have been triggered lately and are having this struggle. I think what you describe is where the grieving process takes place. You have to grieve what you should have had but never got from your parents. It's hard to face this and when it hits, it can be staggering. So many of us didn't know any better and thought we grew up normally and then we find out that was not true. It is very painful and something that needs to be discussed more than once in therapy. I'm glad you shared this with your T tonight. It's important that someone is there to witness our grief and help us through to the other side.

I'm sorry you had to feel that knife twist in your heart.

Take care,
TN

(((((R2G))))))
Thanks for letting us know. I'm sorry it's so hard right now.

quote:

I realized that my parents will never be the parents I want them to be, and they will never be able to give me what I so strongly desire, and what I should have gotten from my parents growing up. When that thought landed in my consciousness a few hours ago, it felt like someone sticking a knife in my heart and twisting it around over, and over, and over. Yet, I didn't cry. No tears were shed in session, even as I watched the pain in my Ts eye as I shared the realization with her. Nothing. Kind of numb, I suppose.

(((R2G))) Facing this loss about my parents is one of the most difficult things I have ever done and I am so sorry, because it sounds like this realization is so painful. I think your numbness may be the shock of grief. But I also know that for me, it was central to my healing and in many ways when I came to grips with this loss, I turned a corner. I hope that you are able to find the strength and support you need to work through this grief. Please come here when you can.

AG

quote:

Facing this loss about my parents is one of the most difficult things I have ever done and I am so sorry, because it sounds like this realization is so painful. I think your numbness may be the shock of grief. But I also know that for me, it was central to my healing and in many ways when I came to grips with this loss, I turned a corner.

Well AG, you couldn't have read my mind any clearer than if you were actually in it! My T and I have had a rough few sessions as we're diving pretty deep into this, and other things. While I am aware that this is a huge thing for me to come to terms with, I'm still in the numb phase, as I really don't want to accept this fact.

On another note, I'm finally starting to come out of this darkness that has been engulfing me for the last week. Unfortunately, it's going to be rather short lived, I fear, as heading into the end of the school year this year is not looking to be good at all. There are SO MANY changes coming to my building for the fall.

I don't do well with change AT ALL. I do a bit better if I have time to process the change. I am very attached to my classroom, as it has been my only safe place (outside of my Ts office) for the last 8 years. This year, there is a good chance it will be taken from me and I will be moved elsewhere. As strange as it sounds, I'd rather know that I get to keep my classroom and have to change grades, than get to stay in the same grade and change rooms. (Most people prefer the same grade year-to-year and could care less about the classroom.)

I'm scared. I'm relying on my xanax a little more than usual. And I'm freaking out about an upcoming break from therapy. We have four weeks left of school. The day after school gets out I have to go on a three-day leadership retreat for school. I get back on Friday. My T is out of town from that Saturday for a week. Meaning I will have been through the last day of school, a leadership retreat, two pretty major doctor's appointments, and a concert without her. Then I get one 45 minute session with her before I leave town for three weeks.

I'm hyperventilating thinking of this. I don’t know how I’m going to cope… I guess for now, I’m trying to stay in the moment, one day at a time… so much easier said than done…