I tend to have big reactions to things that others seem to take on the chin and move on from. For example if some random person cuts in front of me or insults me on the road I tend to ruminate over it, conjuring up all kinds of fantasies about how I would love to kill them or about how I would rejoice in their painful death. Of course I have never done such a thing nor would I however my mind goes there a lot. On a daily basis I have these thoughts, particularly about politicians, many of whom I believe are the lowest scum on the face of the earth.

Ive become quite a misanthrope as Ive aged. My tolerance levels for people has decreased. To be honest I don't really desire to not be this way. What I desire is for people to not be selfish, self centred, arrogant, ignorant, bigoted, and plain stupid but I guess thats never going to happen.

Being this way leaves me alone a lot of the time and I have grown used to it. It's painful sometimes as I feel lonely and isolated however it's also comfortable and easier than tolerating peoples sh_t.
I tend to not be able to keep friends for long because they inevitably end up doing something that irritates me and I then cut them out of my life.


I am long term unemployed because I cannot tolerate work situations. Put me in a group/team environment and within days I will be filled with rage because I will find someone in the group intolerable. Either they will be a control freak, passive aggressive, ego maniacal, disinterested and lazy or any number of other behaviours that I find unbearable in people. I have no idea how to deal with the difficult types of personalities one encounters in life and so I usually end up telling them to f_ck off. I have walked out on many jobs and situations because of this. I can only bear so much.

Im not really sure why I'm here telling you this. I guess I am beginning to see that its problematic being this way because its not conducive towards living a full and happy life. I dont a happy social life or work life and I have no money.

I am trying through mindfulness to become more aware of my feelings and thoughts but I still feel compelled to voice my loathing and hatred of humanity when I feel they deserve it as well as telling individuals where to get off when the desire strikes me. I feel that if I don't take a stand and let people know my anger when their actions have a negative effect on those around them then I am being a doormat but I am left alone, friendless and penniless. Im not sure how to change or even if its possible.