I am really with you here!

My current T is very mindful of this, but it has happened maybe 2-3 times in 2 years. My previous T was not as good about remembering to turn it off, and it happened several times. She even answered it on 2 occasions - once she said because they called twice, and the other was a family issue. GGRRR!

It is VERY irritating because it definitely disrupts the flow! I can see why you would be irritated by your T intentionally leaving his phone on. You ARE paying him - and not for him to be thinking about his phone and who is calling him. He is supposed to be with you completely.

Sorry for the displaced anger - finding it easier to rage at your T than my own at the moment - not fair.

I think that is absolutely awful. My first couple of sessions with my T, a little alarm/ringtone went off, and I assumed he was getting a call. It kind of annoyed me. Then I realized that it always goes off 5 minutes before time is up. So I asked about it, because it stressed me out and was distracting for me. He said it was just a reminder to HIM to keep on time, but then he disabled it and it didn't go off again in my sessions.

I would definitely say something to your T about this. Any chance it is a timer and not a call he's getting?

My T's cell phone used to ring every once in a while and it derails my train of thought. I didn't mind it before he got a secretary but now there's no reason why his cell phone needs to be on (and I think he does shut it off now). If it's an emergency, his secretary could come in and get him. ~D.

echo

I would find that really annoying too. Has he not heard of a clock!! OMG that must be the only T wthout a clock - I know there have been so many clock posts here....at one stage my T had 2 (next to the plant and the tissues!), I was never sure if one was for my benefit and one was for hers

starfish

This question totally cracked me up because my first T didn't even have a phone in the office where I met with her. She kept the phone in another office with a message machine so there was NO possibility of a phone ringing.

I remember how totally shocked I was when my present T ANSWERED a call in the middle of a session. It's happened a few times, but they are always very brief phone calls. He will also sometimes glance at his pager. It was irksome in the beginning but I also know that my T has a very generous contact policy, and takes emergency calls and emails 24/7, even on vacations (although he does have another T who covers when he's on vacation in case he can't return the call). But in order to handle that you call his service and leave a message and then they page him so he can return the call when convenient. He's always been very careful to let me know when it might take longer for him to get back to me if he's away but when he's in the office or home, he almost always gets back to you in less than an hour. So when he gets pages, it's easier to tolerate them because I know sometimes that pager is going off on other patients when it's me, so I figure I should be understanding. We have discussed it and he was able to hear me about it and now it honestly doesn't bother me anymore. I just stop until he's done looking at his pager or phone, he apologizes when he's done and we pick it back up.

Don't get me wrong though, I can understand where it's really jarring and could be intolerable for a lot of people. There are a lot of therapists who would be horrified at the behavior also. And the alarm clock thing WOULD drive me bonkers!

AG

Thanks to all of you for replies.

@ echo & starfish--it's definitely not a timer because it doesn't happen the same time each session and--he has two clocks, both of which I watch like a hawk,(which he knows I do) because I dont want to get into anything too deep 5 minutes before end of session and have to break mid-sentence and sobbing. Also there is a secretary who has broken in on our sessions (via the office phone) when there was an actual emergency.

@ seablue--please feel free to rage on my therapist, I like to have company in my anger, lol.

I talked to DH about this and he gave me some ideas on how to re-address this next session. (now I just need to get up the courage to do so.) I'm just so glad I found this forum so I can get honest feedback from you all that have been in my place. We'll see what happens on Tuesday!
_______________________________

Hi WhatsLeftofHim, I don't think we've "met" but I've read a few of your posts and am happy you are here. I hope you don't mind me adding a few comments, some slightly divergent, on this thread.

My T usually has her phone (wireless) turned to vibrate, but it still goes off nearly every session. However, only twice has she actually answered a phone call - both times to her husband. One of those times she warned me in advance that he would be calling and she needed to talk very briefly to him. The other time she answered was when our session had run overtime, so I felt I didn't really "own" the time anyway. I definitely agree though that it would come across as rude if it were a common occurrence.

My small annoyance with my T is not with calls but with texts. She never texts back during session, but she sometimes reads them. It didn't used to bother me until recently (story to follow).It is a jealousy thing, because although I hold back from texting my T as often as I wish to, I now know that other clients DON'T hold back, so it feels like they are stealing my T's attention away from me. Yes, that is the 2-yr-old coming out in me!

So last Monday I had just sat down for a session and had asked my T how she was doing (before she could ask me ) and her phone vibrated. And she SIGHED. I commented that it was a big sigh! And so for emphasis she SIGHED again and said, "That's 3 more texts. That makes 60 so far today." I said, "You mean you have 60 texts you still have to answer?" She said, "Well, I got down to only 5 last night, but yes, now I'm back up to 60." And I was blown away because it was still morning! A Monday morning, yes, but still... so I'm wondering how many texts the poor woman typically gets in a day?

At that point I was feeling guilty for any texts I had ever sent her that may have added to her burden, but I said, "Well, I was pretty good over the weekend because I only texted you once, and I even stated in the text that you didn't need to reply, although you did anyway."

Here is what I wrote to her: "I believe I am doing better. I just wanted to share it with you. And its okay if you don't write back this time. Have a great Friday."

What she wrote back to me was: "Thanks. You too."

So then get this, she said, "Are you talking about the text that was all in funny symbols and characters?" Apparently my text to her had been scrambled and, unknown to me, was received on her end like Greek characters, so she had never read my actual message. But she said, "I didn't know if you were just being funny or what, but I couldn't read it. So I just sent some generic reply and hoped it worked."

So what she wrote kind of fit, for not knowing what she was answering. But her confession really bothered me because her text reply was neither honest nor meaningful. I know I am being oversensitive, but it has shaken me. I can't help expanding this to our therapeutic relationship in general; I wonder if maybe our our relationship is phony just like that text? I guess I should overlook it because she probably had good intentions, right? But the effect it has had on me, combined with the knowledge that she is overburdened with texts, is that although I have re-programmed my phone to fix the scrambling issue, I can no longer contact her in good faith.

Hi WhatsLeftOfHim! Nice to 'meet' you! Welcome to the boards. I think you've already found this place to be wonderfully helpful, and it's great to see you asking questions!

My T has several things going off in her office. She works in a hospital outpatient psychology clinic, so she has to answer the office phone she has when it rings in case it's the hospital (E.R. if she's on call), sometimes it's a patient she's given her office number to (gee they must be special!). It rarely rings though, and if it does, the calls are pretty brief. It bugs me though because it disrupts the flow, and last time I was in the middle of a major emotional issue and it really upset me because it rang right when she has asked me something important and then when she hung up she came back and had forgot what she had asked. She also has a pager she wears, although that has never gone off when I've been in session. She also has some little beeper thing that goes off when time is about up. It goes off when the next patient arrives so that she knows she needs to be done. It gets really distracting to me, but she usually keeps talking
through it or grabs it off her desk behind her and just pushes the buttons on it while she is talking and sets it back on her desk and then it goes off again 30 seconds later. Once, she was having a bad day because her mother had just died the week before and it was her first day back to work (the funeral hadn't even taken place yet) and when it went off the 3rd time she got really irritated and said, "Sometimes I wish that thing would just shut the he** up!!" Then she said, "I'm sorry" because she realized she shouldn't have gotten upset and let her emotions into the room, but it WAS distracting to our conversation. It would be nice if things like phones, cell phones, pagers, beepers, timers, etc. were banned from the therapy room, wouldn't it? Sorry you're being interrupted by your T's cell phone. I think you should let him know that it's bothering you because unless he HAS to have it there (which it doesn't seem like he does), he shouldn't. You are paying for his time, and it should by yours alone.



MH,

I don't think your T's text to you was phony, although she could have been better at communicating with you and asked you if you were being funny. She could have told you that she couldn't read your text. However, the way I am seeing it is that she could have simply said something like, "Well, you're just as important to me as all my other clients, so of course I replied." or something like that, but instead she was honest and told you the truth; she couldn't read it, didn't know whether you were joking around with her, and because she has a LOT of texts to answer apparently, she sent a generic answer and "hoped it worked". Yes, she had good intentions, and yes she is overburdened with texts. (Be glad you can text her. My T doesn't text. No emails. I don't have her cell phone number (although some patients do, and she thought I did, but still didn't give it to me when I told her I don't have it) and the only way to get her on the phone is by leaving a voice message and waiting for her to return the call.) But I DO NOT think that your relationship with her is phony in the least. She cares about you, MH. Your fear is playing tricks on you. Mine does it all the time, that's how I know these things! Please don't lose your faith about being able to trust that you can contact her and that she will respond to you genuinely. I'm sure she's giving you her best, she just couldn't figure out what all the scrambled up stuff was about. She's human. Sometimes we forget that; at least I know I do.

MTF

MY T doesn't leave her phone on or get calls but I've occasionally left MINE on and had my mum ringing up for a cosy chat 'Oh why can't you talk now? Where are you then dear?'
Now I put myself a note with my journal to switch the phone off before I drive to see my T!

starfish

My P has his phone with him all the time. The only time it rings in is if he is getting an urgent call. He does listen to the message since it is urgent and calls the person right back if necessary right then. He will add on time at the end of session if the call turns out to be extended. I don't really mind all of this because I too have placed urgent calls to him and he has always replied promptly, which I have appreciated. It doesn't happen that often.

MH,
I think that would have been troublesome for me too. I would talk to your T about it.
My P doesn't text, email or anything else except phone calls. I have to call and leave a message and he returns calls by the next business day. If it is urgent you can "press 9" and he will get an urgent notice and call you right back. Would love if he did emails.

emogirl

Just a short comment or two---

I have to say I'm a bit envious of those of you who have your therapist's cell number; mine won't even give me his e-mail address let alone his cell...and I think I'd be devastated if I knew he gave them to his other patients.

He pretty much discourages even calling the office, which stinks, since I'd much rather hear "Call me if you need to" or something along those lines.

MTF--

...the situation you described would be a nightmare for me! I can see why it would be so frustrating/angering to you. As to whether he really needs to have the phone on, and me talking to him about it...therein lies another problem. I don't like knowing about his personal life. I already feel he has revealed too much, and told him so, so he's stopped doing that. I think if I probe into this more he may tell me something awful that will make me feel guilty, i.e. "My mother has dementia and calls me repeatedly as a result."

I think I'd have to crawl under a chair and cover myself with the blanket if it was something like that.

quote:

Originally posted by starfish:
echo

I would find that really annoying too. Has he not heard of a clock!! OMG that must be the only T wthout a clock - I know there have been so many clock posts here....at one stage my T had 2 (next to the plant and the tissues!), I was never sure if one was for my benefit and one was for hers

starfish

Oh, yes, there were clocks! Two small clocks on the small table between our chairs. One facing him and one facing me. I felt like I was on a gameshow sometimes, trying to beat that damn clock.

And there wasn't just the one alarm, there were two. One was his phone or computer (never figured out exactly where the beeping came from), and then 5 minutes later his watch would beep. It completely stressed me out and made me feel like I was always on the verge of taking up too much time, especially since at the beginning I wasn't even sure how long the session was supposed to be - 45 min? 50 min? 55 min? Then those damn alarms would start going off and I'd look at the clock and start fidgeting... He seemed really surprised when we finally talked about it. He seemed to think that I have some big hang-up about time. Uh.. what?? Who's got two clocks and two alarms going off??!!

MH - That whole text message disclosure was out of line on her part. You do NOT need to be worrying about her busy schedule and all her needy clients texting her too much, and worrying that you text too much. (And I use the word "needy" jokingly, since I know we all hate to be seen as needy.)

Oh echo - that's so awful it's almost funny. 2 clocks and 2 alarms that must be the record for this site. And him being surprised when you brought it up ... I think I might guess who really has the hang-up! I might be tempted to ask if there was a snooze feature on any of the alarms to give you a bit more time

And echo I wholeheartedly agree with your wise words to MH. She definitely does not need to be worrying about her Ts rather enormous volume of texts nor feeling guilty about adding to them if that's what has been agreed in the contact clause. Oh my, 60 texts in one morning - now that's one busy T!

starfish

hi dragonfly;

No need to apologize for commenting, I love to hear what people have to say. I went to my session on Tuesday and couldn't bring myself to broach the subject with him. in fact I spent most of the session waiting for the phone to ring. Oddly the mobile didn't ring, but his office phone rang quite a few times and the *ding* of his e-mail kept going off too. I think I'm getting hung up on all these sounds!

I ave this growing resentment towards him that's building up, its making me not want to go to sessions anymore...

Hi WLOH,

Over the last two years, I've seen a total of 7 T's, and not one of them had the phone ringing or the email dinging during a session. And I have really appreciated it, because distractions like that would drive me crazy. The closest thing is that my former T had a pager that would sometimes go off near the end of our session, to let him know the next patient was waiting for him, but it was always set to vibrate, and all he would do is take it out, push a button, and put it back. And it was the end of the session anyway so it wasn't a problem.

But I could understand why a T (or a patient, for that matter) might need to be available no matter what. For example, I have two school-aged children, one of whom is diabetic, so the school (or other caregiver, if school is out that day) needs to be able to contact me if they get sick or hurt. When I got my cell phone I explained this to my T ahead of time so she wouldn't be surprised if we got interrupted at some point. It's only happened once so far, when one of my daughters wasn't feeling well at school. I kept it short, and then explained the call to my T when I was done.

So I think this comes down to basic courtesy and respect for the relationship and for your time. If there might be unavoidable distractions, they should be explained and agreed upon clearly up front. And if there is an interruption, it should be kept as short as possible, and discussed later on to avoid possible misunderstandings.

That said, WLOH, I hope you don't mind if I give you my rather strongly worded opinion about how your T is handling this. It's one thing to be so clueless that your patient has to tell you to turn your cell phone off. If, when you brought it up, he had corrected himself and it wasn't a problem anymore, I would say it was a forgivable blunder. But I really don't like that he didn't answer you at first when you asked about the cell phone going off. And his "yep" at your attempt to fill in the answer for him (which you shouldn't have had to do) frankly ticks me off. What a dismissive and disrespectful response. I agree with you that he is being rude (or at least quite dense) to allow these distractions to continue in the form of a ringing office phone and dinging email notifications. It is obviously not unavoidable, so he needs to utilize the mute feature available with these options, out of respect for you and your time and money and feelings and effort you're putting into the relationship.

So FWIW, I don't blame you for feeling resentful and not wanting to go to sessions over this. If a T apparently doesn't have a grasp on the non-subtle issue of basic respect, how can you trust them with the many other more subtle aspects of the therapeutic relationship? Honestly, I wouldn't be able to tolerate all those distractions, and especially not the kind of response you described when you tried to bring it up. I would have to find another T where this wasn't an issue. I don't know how long you've been with this T, or how helpful he is in other respects, so I'm not sure what you should do one way or the other. But I hope it helps to at least have your feelings heard and validated.

Take care,
SG

SG - Thank you for such a well thought out response! You really made me feel heard and validated, not like I was just being nit-picky. I've only been with this T for a few months, but before that I had gone quite a while without therapy. It's been very difficult getting used to being in a therapeutic environment again. (if you can call it that with the way things have been going, lol)

I'm sure you and everyone else here know how hard it is to "start all over again" with a new therapist. And between my insurance and where I live, my options are limited. I think what I need to do here is to tell him quite bluntly how all these noises are making me feel. If he does nothing about it, then naturally my next step would be to start seeking out other options.

I will say that he does do a lot of things to accommodate me as far as the office environment goes. He knows only certain lights can be on, that the shade always has to be closed, that both of his little water fountains need to be on, and that I need the big box of brand name tissues right next to me instead of the crapppy no-name little box. He always remembers to put these things in place for me before I walk in. So asking him to mute the e-mail dinging and the office phone ringing should NOT be that big of a deal. If there is an emergency the secretary would break through on the intercom anyway.

So I just need to get up the courage to stand up to him about this on Friday--and make sure I tell him quite plainly that these things are making me not want to go there.

Thanks again for your help, SG.

WLOH

Not sure if my T keeps his phone on or if he forgets to turn it off. Sometimes it rings or buzzes and he silences it and apologizes.
Anyway, it certainly jolts me when it happens as I have PTSD and a strong startle reflex, I almost jump out of my chair. Or I might be in an important moment, and it feels like I have just been diminished by the interruption. They should turn it off unless they are expecting an emergency call and if they are, they should forewarn us I believe.

lizzygirl,
Ditto the startle reflex, it's slowly getting better but honestly the slightest creak of furniture, tweet of a bird outside, beep of a horn would have me up in the air and out of my chair in sessions. I would look at the door waiting for 'him' to come in and nothing would convince me otherwise for ages. So I dread to think what a phone going off then might have done!

Is anybody else jumpy? Is yours magnified in sessions? I told me T over and over that I don't always behave like this, it's just when I'm doing active remembering. Wonder if she believes me?!

starfish

I brought up the "noise" issue in session last week. Turns out that was just the straw that broke the camel's back, I had actually been annoyed/upset with my therapist for months, and it all came out during that session. What a relief that was. There haven't been any distracting noises during the last two sessions; and between that and us working through my irritation with him, has made for more productive sessions.

Oh and it case it isn't obvious, he's silenced all the intruding noises for me, and told me it was not unreasonable at all for me to ask for that.

quote:

he's silenced all the intruding noises for me, and told me it was not unreasonable at all for me to ask for that

YES!!! This is wonderful to hear. I love it love it LOVE IT when I hear about one of us taking a risk to ask for what we need in therapy, and the T responds well (even if the answer happens to be no). So glad to hear this worked out. Thanks for sharing it! You made my day!!

SG

Well SG you made my day by recognizing how hard it was for me to ask!

I want to thank everyone on here, just when I was chickening out (again) I remembered the encouragement I received here and found the strength to put everything out there.

I feel guilty even posting about this since so many others have more serious issues going on right now, but I really need to vent.
First I'm thinking this thread should be re-named "session interruptions." I thought the mobile, the office phone, even the e-mail ding was bad enough, but today, something happened that has never happened to me in any T's office. Another therapist broke in on my session. Just burst through the door because she needed someone's chart while we were mid-session and I was in mid-sentence. (talking about something very traumatic I had been afraid to bring up until today, naturally) She could have easily rung my T's extension but instead totally invaded my privacy, completely upended me so I couldn't even properly continue with the rest of the session. (I am very easily startled)

I was just...mortified!! I can't even sleep because my mind is stuck on this. Sorry for the rant here but if anyone has bothered to read this far, thank you. I just KNOW now that every session I have after this I will be worrying someone is going to burst through the door unannounced, and I don't see how I'll be able to relax enough for an open dialogue. ugh.

Hi WLOH I am so sorry to hear what happened and I'm sorry it has caused you so much pain. And this IS something seroius. And I do understand. Something similar happened to me but I was not in the middle of anything serious just yet with my T. I had walked in and started making our usual small talk while putting my things down when another T (who also happens to be my Ts wife) walked into his office without knocking and started talking to me telling me something. I do know her as she runs the group that my son participates in but I thought it was very inappropriate for her to barge in on MY session and MY time with my T that I am paying for. Aside from that, it made my Ts office all of a sudden seem less safe and less private. I was barely able to answer her and then she left.

I was so upset I could not talk to my T for the remainder of the session. And then what made me even more angry was that my T did not understand or could not figure out WHY I was so upset. I was upset on so many levels that seemed so obvious to me.... well not to HIM. He did ask me a million questions trying to figure out what was wrong. I could hardly tell him that I wanted to slug his wife! I finally gave him some hints and then I think he figured the rest of it out. That has never happened since and, in fact, she makes herself scarce when I'm there to see him now which is better for me.

My question to you is... did you tell your T how this made you feel? Did he say anything to the other T about her shocking behavior? Did he apologize to you? Were you able to talk to him for the rest of your session?

The way I see it is that your T may have to lock the door to ensure to you that your sessions are safe from intrusion and violation of your privacy. Of course, the locked door may seem scary to some patients so that may not be an option for you. In any event... this is something you definitely need to discuss with your T.

I'm so glad you were able to write about this here. I hope it helps you in some way.

TN

Yep, this seems appalling to me - I would think that any T should know this was absolutely out of bounds, and there should be processes in place to prevent it happening.

In fact, a close friend of mine is a T and I have heard of this happening at their practice - I was around when she was discussing it with the other T. What happened was a breakdown in notification about whether a room was in use. These were new practice rooms, with a shifting roster of Ts. The T who broke in apologised immediately and left. The T who was working with the client apologised to the client. Everyone concerned was notified. The person responsible for the communication breakdown also passed on an apology and offered to contribute to a replacement session if it seemed necessary. A door-sign was put up. That's how seriously it was taken.

I wonder if this was a similar kind of mistake, or if the other T knew she was interrupting? Either way, it is really not on and I'm not surprised you have been triggered and upset by this. You pay for that session, and one of the first, most important things you pay for CONFIDENTIALITY. That is not protected if someone can barge in. I hope your T and the practice take it seriously, and that you feel strong enough to bring it up to make sure they do.

Incidentally at my T's practice, where there are about 6 rooms, the doors are always open when they are not in use, and always closed when they are in use. There is a 'white noise' machine and a radio on in reception to ensure no one hears anything. Records are kept out of the rooms so there is no need for anyone to enter a room when not in session. If a session runs a certain amount over time (5 minutes? 10?) and the next client is waiting, the receptionist gives a single knock on the door.

Feeling safe to talk is fundamental to your therapy being effective, so don't underestimate how important it is. Good luck with getting it addressed.

J

WLOH,

So sorry you had to suffer such an experience, especially with the other things you've already experienced in your T's office that bother you already! This is totally inexcusable and I really feel for you. How awful for you! I had another T knock on my T's door once and ask for the EMDR equipment, which I thought was rude, but intruding like what happened to you was totally unpardonable. I really feel for you and hope you can get some sort of resolution for your self and your therapy. Good luck, and (((((WLOH))))) take good care of yourself.

MTF

WLOH,

I'm so sorry that happened to you in your session and what should be a completely safe place. I would have found that incredibly unsettling, startling and disruptive. My T is in private practice by herself, but her door locks automatically so there is no way for it to be opened during a session. I know if someone barged in, especially while I was dealing with traumatic material it would not only disrupt that session, but make it hard to really feel safe in future sessions.

I hope that you are able to talk to your T about this and feel some sense of peace and safety in your T's office again.

Thanks to all of you for the responses. To clarify, there was a knock at the door but then she just burst in without waiting for a "come in." And yes, there was a halfhearted "sorry" that didn't feel sincere.
I told my T that I was going to have trouble continuing the session and he said we should talk about how the interruption made me feel. I told him how angry I was and how I wanted to punch that woman, how rude, unprofessional & inappropriate I thought it was, etc... and he said "that's unfortunate." (which them made me want to punch him)

Then he told me that I needed to be prepared that sometimes there are emergencies, blah blah blah. He said it was "unlikely" that would happen again but I wanted him to tell me it would never happen again, of course. So I don't know what's going to happen on Tuesday. If these interruptions are a constant threat I may have to look into a T with a private practice, even though I really don't want to have to do that.

Edit: (he doesn't know specifically that I come here, but he knows I go to an unnamed forum) Anyway, I told him I was going to post about the incident on here in hopes that maybe some one on here would feel sympathetic towards me since he didn't seem to. He then threw his head back and laughed. hard. WTF...grrr.

Hi WLOH,

I am really sorry to hear that there have been more interruptions in your sessions. And even sorrier to hear (and a bit angry on your behalf ) of what sound like flippant and inconsiderate responses to your concerns. I've been fortunate enough not to ever have to deal with interruptions like this from my former or current T. The most I've experienced so far was during the last session with our couples T. He looked at his Blackberry three times in about five minutes. After the third time he briefly explained that the first two times had been his wife, and if that had been her again it would have meant it was an emergency and he would have had to take the call (but it wasn't). So I felt it was handled in a considerate way.

FWIW, I totally get why you didn't like the half-hearted "sorry" from the other T who barged in. Of course it is hard to tell because I wasn't there, but within the context of what you are saying, your T's "that's unfortunate" sounded very dismissive, like he might as well be saying "I don't care and your feelings don't matter, it will happen again eventually and you might as well get used to it." And his laughing at you when you said you would come here for understanding, because you sure weren't getting it from him, sounds positively insulting.

It seems very strange to me that sometimes your T responds so kindly to your concerns, and other times seems very careless and even somewhat cruel. I would not be able to trust someone like that, but that's just how I am. A lot of the fear I felt with my former T came from the variability in the way he would respond to things I said, and the variability was MUCH less pronounced that it seems to be with your T. So I guess I'm really sensitive to changes. One of the things I value so much about my current T is her constancy and predictability. It makes me feel safe to discuss whatever I need to. It's not that I believe she will always gratify whatever I want, but I believe she will always respond with kindness and respect no matter what she says. I think you deserve kindness and respect and I hope you do whatever it takes to get it, and if this T won't give it to you, then I hope you can find one who does.

Hugs to you,
SG

I need some objective opinions on this because I'm at my wit's end. I had my first session today since the "interruption" incident last week. I was hoping T would bring it up first and allay my fears that it would happen again, but he didn't. So I brought it up, reiterated how it made me feel and he just stared at me, saying nothing. I suggested if something like that were to happen again, she (the other T) should call his extension first instead of bursting through the door. He looked at me like I was being unreasonable/ridiculous and again, said nothing. I then said, I would like him to be able to tell me that it won't happen again. He said he would be lying if he told me that, and that he has had to walk in on other people's sessions before too. I asked him why in the world would he would do that and all he would say was, it was an emergency and he couldn't call first. (I wanted details but I guess in the interest of confidentiality he couldn't give them to me, even anonymously)

I understand that emergencies occur, but it still doesn't change the fact that at any time someone can just break into my session and I don't know if I can live with that. I told him if I was in the middle of sharing something traumatic, and someone suddenly came in, I would be shattered. He just said "yeah." I think I needed him to say something more than that, something reassuring, but that didn't happen. I felt like he was blowing me off and making me feel like I was making a mountain out of a molehill. Am I? I would really appreciate some honest feedback from any of you, don't worry about stepping on my toes. Thanks for listening.

WLOH

Hi WLOH,

I'm sorry to hear that you and your T aren't seeing eye-to-eye on this! It feels like crap when that happens. I don't know if this will help but here are my thoughts.

There are two things I would look at. One is that you seem to be running into a boundary. Even though many on this board agree that being barged into during a session would be disruptive, and even though there really are clinics that have policies protecting clients from this (according to some posts on this thread), the clinic you are going to apparently doesn't recognize this as a problem. And your T's response seems to indicate pretty strongly that their policy is non-negotiable. So the chance of changing their policy, or of your T making an exception for you, looks to be about nil. It really sucks not to have this recognized as an issue (because IMO it really is an issue), but it sounds like the only thing you can do at this point is decide whether this is a workable situation for you.

The other thing I would look at is how this is being communicated to you. It is possible to communicate boundary issues in such a way that the relationship is intact or even strengthened as a result, even when the boundary has to stay in place. Of course I'm not there to hear or see your T's facial expressions and other nonverbals, but I get a generally negative feeling from what you are describing. It doesn't sound like your feelings about it are being respected. How it's being communicated is going to affect how safe you feel with him from this point forward. For me that would be just as important, and in some cases even more important, than the boundary issue itself.

So I hope that helps a little...again I'm sorry for the disruption in your relationship with your T. That's such a sucky and painful place to be, and I really feel for you. Keep us posted on what happens, OK?

Hugs,
SG

SG stated everything that I was going to say so well that I won't rehash. I hope you get this resolved in a way that makes you feel safe and positive about T. Keep us posted.

Hi, i have been reading your post about mobile phones, so i thought i would mention something that happened to me recently in a session. Firstly my T came out and asked me if i could wait for 15 minutes as there was an emergency, to which i agreed, she told me she would make up the time. I was getting anxious when 30 minutes had gone by before she called me into her room. I could not concemtrate properly as now i was annoyed my session had been interupted. During that session the phone kept ringing, and i knew i did not have her complete attention, i felt i was just wasting my time being there. Then halfway through our session someone knocked on the door and she went to answer it, to which she was told she had to answer a telephone call in relation to the emergency, she promptly left the room to take the call, the manager of the place she works from told her to take the call. When she got back she tried to continue from where we left off but i was not in the mood to talk much and could not wait for the session to be over. In the next week before my next session i was so angry with her that i felt i had to say something, but that is not easy fo mr to do, usually i just accept it and keep quiet. My Therapy must be working because i went to my next session with guns blazing, and said all i had to say. My T was apologetic and totally understood my point of view, she said she would let the manager know how wrong it was to interfere with my session, to which she said she would. My T also said how i had every right to be angry and that she was not doing her job by dealing with something else in my session. I felt really pleased with myself for saying something and my T was very pleased i spoke up about it. It is very unprofessional and should not affect anyone's session.
So if you can speak up, is is also a way of helping yourself too.

Hi WLOH,

So sorry you're still struggling, and that your T isn't validating your concerns here. What bothers me is that YOU are the paying customer, it's not like they are paying you for your services and are entitled to do whatever they want to do. They should be more professional and respectful of your needs. My T had another T knock on her door during one of my sessions to borrow some EMDR equipment (I mentioned this in a previous post above), and my T apologized for the interruption, and although it interrupted the entire session (which was also interrupted by a phone call!), I appreciated that my T was sensitive to the fact that it was distracting and that she would apologize for someone else. It made my feelings seem important. YOUR T on the other hand is acting like he doesn't see your feelings as being that big a deal, and that's what is bothering me (and you too, from what I'm sensing, and rightly so!). I would agree with all the posters above. You're going to have to really confront your T about this, and from there decide whether you can deal with the answer or not. Tough situation, WLOH, but it's apparently not going away and if it's bothering you as much as it seems to be, it's worth tackling until you get a real resolution with your T that you know is concrete. Good luck to you!

MTF

So I just listened to the recording of the session. Sometimes I can quickly forget things so I like to re-listen. There really isn't a solution to this situation. I brought it up to him repeatedly, forcefully (which is very difficult for me) and clearly he doesn't take my concerns seriously and/or isn't able to do anything about it anyway. I guess for now I'll continue to see him and just see how things go, see if I'm able to open up with the looming threat of interruption (though I consider it to be a breach of confidentiality quite frankly.) I don't really know what else I can do at this point.

Thanks to all of you for responding, and welcome Eve!

WLOH,
Yuck. Sorry you are having to deal with this difficult situation. I have read that there are so many things about your T that you love. It must feel really hard to be hit with this seemingly non-negotiable obstacle. And on top of that, for him to meet your feelings (from what you described) with a severe lack of empathy must feel really awful. I'm so sorry.
As usual, I don't have any words of wisdom, but want you to know that you're not alone. I really hope you can get through this with him without disregarding your needs. Your feelings about this are valid and important.

Hi WLOH,
Wow, this is really frustrating.... I think SG put it beautifully above about the boundaries thing. I have had a sort-of-similar boundary frustration with my T and her practice on a couple of issues. One is that you can't book a regular slot. I know lots of Ts believe that constancy of appointment time is really important, but that's just not the way they do it. You book each week, and if you want to be sure of getting that slot in weeks ahead, you have to specifically ask to book each date. So there's never any such thing as 'my' time, and I don't like that. But it's just the way they do it, no explanation offered, and and no negotiation.

I was thinking about this and your situation - it feels kinda similar because of their attitude about it, that it's just something you have to live with.

But you know, to me this is on a different level because of the confidentiality thing. Confidentiality seems pretty universally regarded as one of THE first priorities in the contract (written or unwritten) of what a therapist is offering a client. Incidentally, do you have a contract or agreement? I signed one at the beginning which lays out mine and the T's rights and obligations. Confidentiality was right up front.

If you do have this kind of agreement, that might help you to get them to take the issue more seriously. I would consider contacting the practice manager about it too, if your T doesn't seem willing or able to do something about it. That would probably change the feeling of your relationship with your T, though, but perhaps it's something you could talk through.

Ultimately, I agree with SG that as they're not coming to the party, you will have to decide whether it's something you can live with or not. But what an awful thing to have to take on and deal with yourself - I really believe they SHOULD be taking care of this for you. Let us know how it goes.

Eve, welcome to you! Nice to see another new poster, and I hope we get to see more of you. The situation with waiting and *then* being interrupted would have driven me crazy - I'm sorry you lost a session like that, but it's so great to hear that bringing it up with her the next week was so successful. Good for you - you're quite right about speaking up - it feels really powerful.

Jones

quote:

Originally posted by starfish:
echo

I would find that really annoying too. Has he not heard of a clock!! OMG that must be the only T wthout a clock - I know there have been so many clock posts here....at one stage my T had 2 (next to the plant and the tissues!), I was never sure if one was for my benefit and one was for hers

starfish

Ha! Starfish, my T has 2 clock too. One is for her use, sits on the table next to me (so easy to look at while looking at me). The other is big and hanging on the wall. It's for me as it doesn't face her AND it's set 5 minutes fast. I guess so if people think they're close to going over there's still a teeny buffer. Sly...

My T's cell goes off on occasion. I usually pretend it doesn't bother me, and for the most part I guess having it ring annoys me slightly but not terribly since she never answers it.

So then I wonder who was calling? Because she NEVER answers. Bill collector? Mother? Friend? Another Client?

It's made me realize that she will not answer it if it were my call either. Which I'm not sure how I feel about it.

When I call her I do purposefully time it around 57 min into the hour. Thinking maybe she'll answer. But if it is an emergency and I call at (let's say) 3:34 but she doesn't answer because she's with a client. And then what if, that client is having a hard time, goes over on time, she doesn't get to call me back between sessions cause the next person would be made to wait, so then that's another hour of me lying in misery. Ouch...

But then again, if I'm in session I would not want her answering an emergency call instead of listening to me, fully aware that that person could be wallowing in misery.

How selfish am I?

i HATE them, T1 had 'it' happen alot, and at $2 a minute, i really wanted to deduct all of it off my tab...'course never did...too chicken. and i know i would feel 'too rude' to do that to him, even with me BEING the patient...that is how 'askew' i am off normal. glad to hear i am not the only one who it bugs....and that t's let it happen.