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8 replies

mom dying and i'm feeling like an outsider

M mlcMember
Hi all, I just need to express myself to some people that might care...my Mom is dying so my family and I are getting together in order that my Mom can see us all at the same time before she dies...well, I am feeling so sad as well as other feelings...you see, some of my family that is coming are my nieces and nephew, which I haven't seen in awhile and which I feel have replaced me in the family--that is, I was virtually raised by very nurturing sister and brothers(because my parents were too self-absorbed to care...I am the youngest by 15yrs)); but they have grown and had kids of their own...and now I feel like an extra peg with no place to fit. Besides this, I have and do suffer from depression, social anxiety, and an eating disorder, which makes me feel even more apart from my very well-adjusted nieces and nephew. By the way, I also have a very good-looking and interesting twin brother who is coming..and so, instead of being glad to see him, I just feel even more like I have no place(I am not good-looking and I'm gay so I don't relate to all of the family stories about significant others, etc)...and I feel so sad.....and my Mom is dying and I can't get my head wrapped around that idea yet either...I guess I need to vent; and I need to vent in a place like this site where I do feel like, at times, I fit in/have a place. I should say that my T is going above and beyond during this time--she is letting me email her or call her any or every day while I'm away to process! Well, thanks to anyone that has read this...I sorta feel like I'ved cried to someone while writing this...not sure what else to say except thank You...Sincerely, MLC
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pippipippiMember
I dont have much good advice, but I wanted to tell you that I am sorry you are going through this. I know what it feels to be the outsider, I am that way in my family. I am the youngest of five and I am the only one with the mental disorders and the cutting and all the others are so good looking but Im not. I am pretty much left out of everything and it sucks! So I know where you are coming from. My third mom died when I was five and I am still having a hard time with it, I am just now starting to process it because I was not able to when I was younger. February 10th will be 21 years since she died and I am going crazy trying to deal with it with out using self-injury, alcohol or pain killers. It is so hard. I truly am sorry for what you are going through and keep coming here to vent cause it really does help!
jonesjonesMember
Hi MLC,

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. That's a terrible thing to experience, and so much harder I imagine when you feel so out of place in the family.

I really hope your family take time and effort to show you that you're loved during this experience - you deserve love and care just as much as your brother and nieces and nephews, so my fingers are crossed that you get to feel that.

Yes, keep on coming here and posting....

((((((((((((mlc))))))))))))
M mlcMember
Thanks Jones and Pippi!! Things are actually going a little bit better now--I'm feeling like I'm fitting in a little better. I think posting here and your replies helped give me the confidence to just simply relax and give it all some time...thank you guys so much!!! My Mom is walking a tightrope right now...if either her kidneys or her heart get a little bit worse, she could go very quickly...sigh...but at least I'm getting a chance to say "i love you, Mom"....MLC
amazonamazonMember
Hi mlc.
You have a right to be there and belong there.
I'm sorry about your mom dying. I think it's very important that you can be there and see her, maybe for the last time. I regret I wasn't with my grandmother when she was dying. I didn't see her. I was somewhere else. And I think I was her favorite grandchild. And I wasn't there...
So it is really important and good that you are there. For your mom and for you. Take care...
pippipippiMember
Im glad things are going better than you expected for this situation. I hope you keep feeling comfortable, but just remember that the most important thing is not how any one else is reacting, it is about being there for you to have a chance to say goodbye and spend that precious time with your mom and to just be there for her as she is going through this. No one else really matters except her right now. I am praying for you as I know this is such a hard thing to go through!
G grannysmith82Member
Hi Mlc, I'm sorry to hear about the events that you are going through. Like Pippi mentioned I am the youngest in my family as well and I know Im the only one with the mental problems. so I can understand that point.

Im glad to hear things have been getting better because that is always a good thing.I too long for a place where I feel I belong and Im hoping here is the place.

My dad died, it will be 6 yrs this march and it is still hard. I don't talk to people about my feelings especially not my family so I write down alot of my stuff. I live with my mom and grandpa plus my 11 yr old nephew for which Ive taken care of his whole life so I know what it feels like to not belong and not to be understood.


Sorry for my rant I to need to vent at times as well lol I do wish you alot of happiness in your future.

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