Hi, Eve, and welcome to the forum. I think it must be really really hard to feel no connection with you T. I know though I often wish I didn't have it so intensely, if it weren't for feeling so attached to my T I would not have the chance to work with someone safe on my everyday relationships. Well, I need the relationship with him to be real, to affect me emotionally, or it just wouldn't affect me that much in terms of how I learn to deal with other people. In other words (and I hope this makes sense, that you can understand what I mean by it) it shouldn't feel "too safe" or you wouldn't have the chance to develop some of the courage needed in relationships, or to see how those things may play out in the safety of your T's guidance. For myself, I do not believe I could ever develop an attached feeling for a woman therapist. I might like, respect, and even end up feeling very friendly, perhaps even dependent on, but in the long haul I would never care deeply about what they said or my impact on them, either. But that is just me, probably has to do with my own past. Your situation is of course unique to you, I'm just throwing that out there. I think there is a lot to learn in how we wish to affect our T's whether or not we in fact can affect them that way or not. But these are just my thoughts, so, I could be off base. I'm glad you will tell your T about these concerns...she may have been waiting to hear what you have to say about this. I know sometimes they don't like to step in and help us along, but would rather let us find our own way...yet, maybe you might need a little bit more from her in terms of guidance. As far as her not telling you more about herself, well, I know that is a solid boundary good T's have, but I have read recently on here that some T's will choose to transgress that boundary (carefully) because there are some clients who seem to need it in order to trust...I guess it is a matter of trusting their judgement, and letting them see as much of you as you can so that they will be able to better figure out how to help.

Well, hopeful this helps a little bit! Let us know if you are so brave to open up to your T about this problem you are experiencing and all your concerns about it, I know how hard that would be to do, eek...however...we will be rooting for you!

BB

Hi Eve,

I think the only advice that I can give you is to give it time. I don’t know how long you have been working with this T, but for me I had no emotional connection what so ever to my T for around the first 8 or so of working with him. In the past 3-4 months I have made huge progress with him and I’m so happy with our relationship now. There is definitely a mutual trust between us now, and that seemed to take a long time to form. I am still learning a lot about our relationship- In my post titled “Success with recording sessions” I said that I just found out last session that he really cares about me.

I don’t think a good T would put extra boundaries because of previous transference… that doesn’t seem productive to the relationship at all.

At the beginning of therapy I was literally infuriated that my T REFUSED to tell me absolutely anything personal about himself. But just recently I’ve felt like thanking him for maintaining such strong boundaries with me. Looking back it would not have been beneficial to our relationship if he disclosed personal information about himself when we had just meant.

I hope this helps/answers your question.I would be very curious on an update if you talk to your T about your post.

Maclove

Hi Blackbird and Maclove.
I think you both have made very good points, and blackbird i think i do need her to share something with me to be able to talk to her openly, i feel that is only right, it does not have to be anything very personal or detailed just a normal every day thing, this helps to see her as being normal especially for me. I also feel that what she wants to share with me is letting me know she trusts me too.
Hi Maclove, i have been with this therapist for 4 years and having a connection has not been an issue until now, it is easier to talk sometimes without a connection.
To you both i have had my session today and told my T of the posts i have made, i also asked her about her bondaries and if there are more in respect to me, and Maclove i think you were right, she said there not any extra or more boundaries for me, her boundaries are the same for everyone. i also mentioned about the no connection feeling and that is still something i am trying to figure out, but we talked just a little bit about it, but it is out there to be processed as it were.

Thanx to both of you for your advice.

Eve