First ideas for conflict resolution:


1) As Some Days wonderfully suggests, step away for a while. Once our fight/flight system is activated, we don't think so straight or perceive so clearly. New conflicts bleed into old conflicts, new people seem like old enemies. Research says it usually takes 20 minutes of calm disengagement for our brains to start functioning properly again.

2) When you do re-engage, try to keep an eye on how much you don't know. Remember when we are dealing with other people (and even ourselves) what we don't know is A LOT. Actions and behaviours that may appear clear cut may not be. In the realm of another person's intentions, often we know hardly anything. Be ready to listen, find out, change your ideas.

3) Stay close to the facts. Check them out. Talk about specific incidents, rather than general conclusions. Say what you saw, heard. Ask questions. Listen.

4) This is the hardest: assume the other person is doing their best, and has good intentions. 99% of the time that's true, but we often lack the skills to make our good intentions visible.

5) Look for ways to allow kindness, compassion, forgiveness, both inwards and outwards. Move a little closer to that wherever you can.

6) Remember our pain comes from many sources. Chances are it didn't all originate in this conflict. We can't heal it all in this conflict. We can give ourselves love and gentleness for the pain we carry with us all the time, and how it hurts so badly when it gets bumped or knocked.


I'd love to hear others! xxx

Bless you ((Jones))

Very good ideas!!

Will keep them in mind not only here but out in the world as well.

This is an interesting thread.

I don't know if these are relevant points but
I'll put them out there anyway!

Often; the things we dislike about other people
are the very same things we don't like about
ourselves. It might pay to keep that in mind
sometimes!

As Jones said - most people are doing their best -
and that reminded me of something T once said.
Instead of just saying or thinking "I don't like
that person" why not add to that "I ought to try
harder to get to know them better"!! Look hard
enough and you'll likely find good in everyone

((((JONES))))

Thank you for posting this. I know it's something I've been struggling with so I really appreciate you taking the time to research this and share it with us.

maybe a forum for administrative issues tucked away at the top or bottom of the main page?

Thanks all!

AV, love those - especially the extension idea - "I don't like that person, so I ought to try harder to get to know them better". Nice one.

Liese, I love your great big capital letter hugs - they're like a big squeeze. ((((LIESE))))

One more idea:

Read everything three times! Text jumps out at us, especially when adrenaline's high, and I know I've often misinterpreted what someone's written until I've gone back to it a few times. And then later I misremember it.

I barely understand my own self by the 2nd read through. I'm routinely shocked I get paid to write (clearly, my boss is not on this website) with my most excellent lack of punctuation or grammar on here

I think that is especially good advice, Jones... and it is hard to do when the adrenaline is high.

This is water:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzX9IFS732g