Hi Lizzygirl,

I'm no expert so take what I say with a grain of salt. It just sounds like it was really helpful for you, that he touched your wrists. I understand how hard it would be to ask him. I don't really know what to say. Because I understand how much it would hurt if he said no. Can you tell him how much it helped that one time he did touch your wrists? Would that be a start?

Hi Lizzygirl,
It should always be ok to ask for anything in therapy. It's the Ts job to hold his boundaries and say no if he thinks it's not a good idea but he should always be willing to have you ask anything and to hear about how you feel both about asking and about his answer. His doing this before strongly suggests it's not something he sees being a problem in and of itself.

It can be terrifying to ask for what we need, especially if that used to get us hurt or we had to hear no all the time, so I understand you being scared but I really do think you would not be doing anything wrong by asking. I often would start by telling my T I was terrified to ask something before I asked the question. This often allowed me to be reassured enough to get through the fear of asking so I could ask.

And I know you said you've never discussed your sexual attraction to him and never plan to, but may I urge you to at least consider doing so? Talking to my T about my attraction to him really opened up therapy for me and was central to the work we did together.

I found a website when I was first struggling with what to do about my feelings that really helped, I'm including a few links below:

Q&A

Erotic Transference

AG

Thank

Good luck, Lizzygirl. I know how hard it is to talk about the transference issues. I had a very hard time with my T and we kind of breezed over it. It was very embarrassing at the time. But the funny thing is, once it's out there in the open, it doesn't seem as powerful as it did before it was out in the open. Like this big secret or the elephant in the room. It just is and we moved on.

Yes, good luck lizzygirl. I know it seems overwhelming, but in actuality I think that they hear it all the time and are used to dealing with it. I asked my T recently if I was the only one who told him stuff like that I think about him constantly 24/7, and he said no, lots of clients tell me things like that you are not the only one. That made me feel better. (Well, until I then started questioning if he likes them better than me and etc... )
Good luck with the asking about the si stuff.. wishing you many very healing moments...let us know how it goes!

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