lol I'm at this point now where I'm not afraid of my feelings anymore towards T, good or bad. I'm not afraid to admit how badly it's going to suck when I don't see her over the summer and how much I'll hurt when she's not around. I'm not afraid to ask to sit next to her in session (even if my leg cramped up since the couch is a little small tee hee). I feel like I've given so much to T emotionally, and now that she's giving back, wow, it's just a very wonderful feeling.
I had a little of an emotional breakdown 2 weekends ago (my nightmares were more intense than ever, I was having flashbacks left and right, I was irritable, I couldn't eat or sleep, I had awful migraines) and I was in even more distress since I didn't have an appointmen with T earlier that week since she was out of town. I ended up taking a lot of pills but in no way shape or form was I trying to hurt myself. All I wanted to do was try and get some sleep and make the awful migraine go away. I realized afterwards once I had gotten some food and sleep in my system and the migraine had gone away, that what I did was really stupid and I could've seriously hurt myself had I taken a few more pills. I was so angry at myself for that and I obviously was ok in the end (I can assure y'all that this is the real jennythediva09 and not some imposter), but still, just the thought it really overwhelming. Anyhow, I didn't tell T on my last session since I had so much other emotional baggage on my mind that it kinda went unsaid...ok, ok, so it Intentionally went unsaid on my part
Today though, I knew I had to tell T if I wanted to keep moving forward in not holding things back from her. I reluctantly told her and let her know it was completely a mistake and I was not trying to hurt myself. She took a breath and told me she was glad I told her and then went on about what if I did take more and how my family would feel and my roommates and my friends. What caught me completely off guard was what she said. I'm paraphrasing a little but here goes, "And you would also have a counselor (yes she referred to herself in the 3rd person) that would just be completely like, What?! I mean...(then I noticed that her eyes watered ever so slightly but she was able to keep it together)." I was so amazed at how much T truly cares. I mean I already knew she did care, but I didn't realize how much! I had no clue she was almost about to cry (darn lol) but it made me feel better and more secure in my relationship just now knowing she reciprocates those feelings (maybe not as intense as me but y'all know what I mean tee hee).
Anyway, I just thought I'd pop in and let y'all know how I've been doing since I was practically in crisis for the last few weeks. Thanks for the support and hugs! It feels really good even if they're only the virtual kind.
Hugs for everyone! 
