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That's such an interesting dream. I've had a few that are similar, the being sent out to something that wasn't what it was supposed to be. The coming back and finding T engaged with others. Maybe there is some underlying reserve, or hesitation in confidence about how your T will deal with the topic, like his ability to "get" what you need or his acceptance or something? Random guess that came up for me.
I had a doozie this morning myself and can't believe I am sharing it here, but I'm only doing so, because I'm pretty sure it is benign. I was in therapy with T and we were talking (about what I can't remember) and he was being comforting, like hand on my shoulder, and rubbing/patting in a fatherly sort of way. It was a long session and we decided to take a bathroom break midway through, so we got up and both started changing clothes (only pants, I think).
It didn't seem weird at the time and we were both being modest and then he apologized that he should have left the room first. I think we were changing from PJs to street clothes in order to walk down the hall to the bathroom, past other therapists and clients. It wasn't at all sexual or romantic in any way, the sense of intimacy was all familial. It was almost like, in this room we're so close, we're like family, like a dad and his kid hanging around in their PJs. But, when we leave that room, the world defines us as therapist and client, so we literally have to change our appearance to mask the reality of how deep and connected our work has gotten. Like I said, it was totally non-sexual and other than our mutual realization of, "Wow, we are maybe a little too comfortable with each other," because we didn't even think anything about it, there was no awkwardness. I've been struggling a lot with the confusion of being so vulnerable and connected with someone who at the same time has limitations in what he can in reality be in my life. This last week, I we worked really hard on addressing directly my fears of him being important to me forever, that maybe it's not allowed or something that makes him happy. That's where a lot of my newfound safety comes from, because I get that it's forever on both ends, even if our contact is eventually limited. Anyway, kind of embarrassing to share, but also sweet, just a recognition of my knowing deep down that I am important to my T and the closeness/connection is real, not contrived...and also my fear that outside people will rob me of the right for the relationship to be real, important...the need to put on airs. That fear has to do with past broken attachments with non-family members.
I had a doozie this morning myself and can't believe I am sharing it here, but I'm only doing so, because I'm pretty sure it is benign. I was in therapy with T and we were talking (about what I can't remember) and he was being comforting, like hand on my shoulder, and rubbing/patting in a fatherly sort of way. It was a long session and we decided to take a bathroom break midway through, so we got up and both started changing clothes (only pants, I think).
It didn't seem weird at the time and we were both being modest and then he apologized that he should have left the room first. I think we were changing from PJs to street clothes in order to walk down the hall to the bathroom, past other therapists and clients. It wasn't at all sexual or romantic in any way, the sense of intimacy was all familial. It was almost like, in this room we're so close, we're like family, like a dad and his kid hanging around in their PJs. But, when we leave that room, the world defines us as therapist and client, so we literally have to change our appearance to mask the reality of how deep and connected our work has gotten. Like I said, it was totally non-sexual and other than our mutual realization of, "Wow, we are maybe a little too comfortable with each other," because we didn't even think anything about it, there was no awkwardness. I've been struggling a lot with the confusion of being so vulnerable and connected with someone who at the same time has limitations in what he can in reality be in my life. This last week, I we worked really hard on addressing directly my fears of him being important to me forever, that maybe it's not allowed or something that makes him happy. That's where a lot of my newfound safety comes from, because I get that it's forever on both ends, even if our contact is eventually limited. Anyway, kind of embarrassing to share, but also sweet, just a recognition of my knowing deep down that I am important to my T and the closeness/connection is real, not contrived...and also my fear that outside people will rob me of the right for the relationship to be real, important...the need to put on airs. That fear has to do with past broken attachments with non-family members.
(((BG))) BLESS YOU FOR POSTING THIS. I've had CRAZY dreams lately.
Maybe, with the adoption issues the 1st group you went to could possibly reflect the relationship you have w/ the adoption issues (either how you feel about it, how long the issue hasn't been addressed, the fact that it has been maybe bickering in the back of your mind but you have been asleep to hearing it or working on it right now - who knows maybe you don't know exactly what to say yet or how to express something?) and then the other group is what you do now in therapy? If it's people from your current/every day life and T maybe they represent the things you always talk about and always listen to yourself about and your T always hears. This is just my absolutely non-professional in any way sense of what maybe it is. Or maybe it's just a fear you will bore your T and he's more "interested" or "entertained" working on other things?
I share my dreams w/ my T sometimes but the interpretations she draws are minimal at best - the ones out loud anyway. I know she takes them in a lot more but we don't really discuss much further. The dreams i've been having lately are dreams that feel vividly lived as if the exact amount of time/days has passed, etc. I wake up being so terribly confused about what day it is. It's really awful. It's stress about going back to work. Almost all of my stress dreams or dreams that turn in to nightmares are due to anxiety at work so I will dream literally of getting up on time all night long... I will dream of how I really, really need to get up on time and what will happen if I don't, or do, or whatever. Last night I had dreams of being chased, my teeth exploding, all the windows to my house exploding and about getting to work on time. Despite anything that happened all I could think of was... I have to get to work on time, I can't sleep in for work, I have to be at work, I have to go to work, I cannot be late. Etc. When you wake up it REALLY MESSES WITH YOU.
Maybe, with the adoption issues the 1st group you went to could possibly reflect the relationship you have w/ the adoption issues (either how you feel about it, how long the issue hasn't been addressed, the fact that it has been maybe bickering in the back of your mind but you have been asleep to hearing it or working on it right now - who knows maybe you don't know exactly what to say yet or how to express something?) and then the other group is what you do now in therapy? If it's people from your current/every day life and T maybe they represent the things you always talk about and always listen to yourself about and your T always hears. This is just my absolutely non-professional in any way sense of what maybe it is. Or maybe it's just a fear you will bore your T and he's more "interested" or "entertained" working on other things?
I share my dreams w/ my T sometimes but the interpretations she draws are minimal at best - the ones out loud anyway. I know she takes them in a lot more but we don't really discuss much further. The dreams i've been having lately are dreams that feel vividly lived as if the exact amount of time/days has passed, etc. I wake up being so terribly confused about what day it is. It's really awful. It's stress about going back to work. Almost all of my stress dreams or dreams that turn in to nightmares are due to anxiety at work so I will dream literally of getting up on time all night long... I will dream of how I really, really need to get up on time and what will happen if I don't, or do, or whatever. Last night I had dreams of being chased, my teeth exploding, all the windows to my house exploding and about getting to work on time. Despite anything that happened all I could think of was... I have to get to work on time, I can't sleep in for work, I have to be at work, I have to go to work, I cannot be late. Etc. When you wake up it REALLY MESSES WITH YOU.
((((BG))))
The mind is so amazing, isn't it? Is it possible that part of you is worried that you won't be able to, for whatever reason, talk about whatever it is that you want to talk about in your next session? Either you both will be distracted or you will lose your courage and the dream is another part of you is reminding you that you'd better stay focused on the issue you really want to talk about?
The mind is so amazing, isn't it? Is it possible that part of you is worried that you won't be able to, for whatever reason, talk about whatever it is that you want to talk about in your next session? Either you both will be distracted or you will lose your courage and the dream is another part of you is reminding you that you'd better stay focused on the issue you really want to talk about?