GG,
to the forums, I haven't had a chance to say hello yet. I think that all of us mourn deeply when we lose a parent, but some mourn for what they lost and some of us mourn for what we never had. I am sorry you fall in the later category.

I understand and cannot blame you in the least for your relief that you no longer have to present a facade. A little over a year ago, my mother decided to cut me off, despite my attempts at reconciliation and while it was painful, there is also a lot of relief in not being in touch with her. It's been a difficult relationship for years and one in which it has been hard to balance respecting and honoring her while being true to my own experience. That's part of what finally broke, when finally confronted with what seemed like undeniable proof of my father's abuse of me, my mother choose to end the relationship rather than have to face that. But at least I no longer have to spend hours looking for a Mother's Day card I can send with a clear conscience. So I get both your sadness and relief. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing that you chose to act in a loving manner even if your mother couldn't.

AG

Hello AG. I am sorry that you have experienced a similar type of pain, but glad that you are to relate to my experience. Likewise, my relationship with my mother was very strained to say the least. The last year of her life I had to totally disconnect from her to preserve myself. I have no regrets about making that choice. I just get sad sometimes that I never had the opportunity to make that maternal connection and that I seek it out in other relationships. Today I just decided to be extra kind to myself and allow myself to feel the relief and enjoy it. I am trying to let it all be ok. It is over now and she can only hurt me if I allow her to.

((GG)) ((AG))

Right back at ya eme! And of course for anyone else who would like a hug today!