Last week I gave T a tube of blue and white Den*orub to rub on his sore toe, and it worked. This week I have a wee bag of goodies, from nourishing quick cook soups for him to trial, to a mentholated inhalation for his flu symptoms.

This is not the Muff I have known towards T. Now I feel that pull and push again. I question my motive for 'caring' about T. Am I hiding my hostility towards him in hopes he wont see it. We know it is there, so why give to him now? Let him bloodywell suffer. It never bothered you before Muff, unless it interfered with sessions. Will I regret giving to him when rage comes again?

But, but,... I know what it feels like to have a sore toe. I know how good those soups are, and how easy it is to prepare them. The mentholated inhalation was the only thing that helped to ease the pain of flu symptoms.

Is it the 'nurse' me, the dutiful 'daughter,' the empathetic person I feel, or is it the frightened wee one that wants to give in case he rejects.

Stop trying to psych it up Muff, and just DO IT!

ok!