Hello,

One of the positive consequences of running into my old boyfriend a couple of years ago is that it triggered a need to play music that I didn't even know was there. I've been teaching myself guitar since shortly after I ran into him. At first I did it "for him" because it felt like I was connecting with him somehow. Somewhere along the line, I figured out it wasn't "him" I was connecting with - it was me.

I learned the basics through lessons on the internet, but then wandered off to learn the songs I like. I play acoustic, mostly strumming chords, so now you know why I call myself "strummergirl". And I try to sing along. This is probably the first thing I've ever tried where I don't care that I'm not good at it right away. I love the process, the trying, the just getting lost in it. Seriously, I have to lock my guitar up in its case because if it's sitting out, I have a very hard time walking by it without picking it up for "just a minute". Then I'm on Chordie, just to look up "one song", and before I know it two hours have gone by, the dishes aren't done, and I'm late for work.

The songs I play are just ones that have lyrics that mean something to me. There's one that caught my attention earlier this year when I heard it on public radio - it's called My Heaven by Laurie McClain. Sometime later, I listened to another of her songs called The Child Behind My Eyes and I want to learn that one too.

Both of these songs have to do with "inner child" stuff. For many years, I would roll my eyes whenever I heard anything like "inner child". But now it's coming up in therapy, and I'm finding out that I'm pretty mean to that little girl. Just like my mom was. Hmmm.

So these songs are reaching me on another level.

Today I heard a song by Martina McBride called In My Daughter's Eyes. I've heard it before, but I always turn it off because it makes me cry (I have two young daughters). Today I didn't turn it. Instead I told my girls, who were in the car at the time, that it made me think about how much I love them, and then I let it play. Tonight I looked it up on Chordie and spent about two hours practicing it on my guitar. I can almost get through it without crying

I've been beating myself up because I haven't been a very good mom so far. Even knowing I didn't have much of a role model, my mantra has been "I should have known better". I've been beating myself up for having to do inner child work at this late stage, when I have children who need a mom who has her "stuff together". But something about these songs, especially the Martina McBride song, made my heart melt tonight. And I see a benefit, somehow, to learning to love my inner child at the same time I'm learning how to love my children. Maybe that's the only way I can learn. If so...well, at least I'm learning, and changing.

Here are links to the You Tube videos for those songs, if you'd like to listen to them. I've put the lyrics below each link.

Thanks for listening & reading & being there,
SG

In My Heaven - Laurie McClain

In my heaven, the jokes are all funny
You don't need money, cause everything's free
In my heaven, no need for pretending
Cause you can be whatever you want to be

And in my heaven, nobody cares
What race or religion you are, cause life's fair
There's no natural disasters, no famine, no wars
And no terrible secrets behind closed doors.

And the lions and tigers and bears, oh my,
Will lick your face and walk by your side
And no one gets killed, cause nothing can die
In my heaven, my heaven, my heaven, oh my.

And in my heaven, you don't need a car
You just wish to be upon any star
You can fly with the seagulls or glide with the eagles
In my heaven, you could stay right where you are.

And your great-great-grandbaby, and your great-great-grandma
Can dance with your great-great-great-great-great-grandpa
Cause time comes together for the whole human race
For always, and ever, in infinite space.

And in my heaven, everyone can swim
And scuba dive without oxygen
And the water is clear, no toxins dumped in
And all of the sharks are vegetarians
And if you ask 'em, they'll give ya rides on their fins.

And you can be silly, and no one will glare
And it's okay to laugh loud and its okay to stare
And you're always learning, but it never feels like school
There are no grades to earn, and no meaningless rules.

And in my heaven, all the mommies and daddies
Do what mommies and daddies are supposed to do
Just like the Banks family, after Mary Poppins left,
And all of the children are little angels too.

And everyone's healthy, and no one gets sick
If you got gum in your hair, it would not stick
And the stars and the sun are brighter than bright
But you never get sunburned cause love is the light.

And your great-great-grandbaby, and your great-great-grandpa
Can dance with your great-great-great-great-great-grandma
Cause time comes together for the whole human race
For always, and ever, in infinite space.

And the lions and tigers and bears, oh my,
Will lick your face and walk by your side
And no one gets killed, cause nothing can die
In my heaven, my heaven, my heaven, oh my.

The Child Behind My Eyes - Laurie McClain

I’m still a child
I’ve crossed no magic line
That changed me from the little one
She still lives behind my aging eyes
I am mortal, I am frail,
I have some vision of my faith
But mostly I have questions
And for answers I will wait

I believe in eternal life
I believe in precious time
I believe the secrets I must find
Live in the child behind my eyes

Children live in the moment
Right now, when time is real
They are filled with forgiveness
And they say just what they feel
But fear and bitterness
Cover up the innocence
And the sweet child within us
Waits to be revealed

I believe in eternal life
I believe in precious time
I believe the secrets I must find
Live in the child behind my eyes

In My Daughter's Eyes

In my daughter’s eyes
I am a hero
I am strong and wise
And I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see,
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I want to be
In my daughter’s eyes

In my daughter’s eyes
Everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light
And the world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me
Gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter’s eyes

And when she wraps her hand around my finger
Oh, it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about
It's hanging on when your heart has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I’ve seen the light
It’s in my daughters’ eyes

In my daughter’s eyes
I can see the future
A reflection of who I am
And what will be
And though she’ll grow, and someday leave,
Maybe raise a family
When I’m gone, I hope you’ll see
How happy she made me
For I’ll be there…in my daughter’s eyes