Both of my Ts find it valuable but I'm not sure about sharing music specifically - lyrics would interest them.

T1 has told me her favorite song once which I have absolutely never listened to because I dunno... It just feels awkward and wrong.

Music to me touches the deepest parts of my soul... Both Ts have offered to play music is like while painting but I've said no. When I make live videos of painting they do hear songs I use for those and sometimes have questions/comments.

I think it's a great way to build intimacy... It's so intimate to me that I can only share everything ... With a partner in a long, long, long amount of time. I can share sometimes.. With friends... Songs here and there but oh I just feel so ripped open!

If it gets you to deeper places and you're comfortable sharing then I'd hope your T would be supportive.. Maybe at the very least to read lyrics which can be like poetry, etc

My T offered to put on some music the other day to help with grounding, but I said no. I explained that sometimes music helps, but at other times it can just unsettle me even more.

My T once shared a song with me near the beginning of our work together, and it was a special (if somewhat awkward for me) moment. I'd love to share some songs with T - maybe even sing for him - but I haven't found the right time. Music is amazing for expressing thoughts and emotions; it can be a great communication tool if your T is cool with it. I can definitely see it playing a future role in my therapy.

I used to send youtube videos to my oldT if they related to how I was feeling. There are some "dark" song videoes out there too. I guess it was my way of communicating to him how I was and what was going on for me. I do think I actually scared him instead of drawing him in and having him interested in what was in my head.

I made oldT a CD of songs that were relevant to our therapy relationship and gave it to him for a Hannukah gift one year. I told him the songs were meaningful and I'd love to talk about them. I know he never listened to them and then after he abandoned me he sent the gift back to me with another gift I gave him when he sent my therapy notes to me. That was so absolutely hurtful to me to get those gifts back. I'm still not over that.

I was a bit leery of sending videos to my current T. I don't even know if he is interested in music. We never discussed it. But I have sat with him twice and played a song on my smartphone from youtube. Once it was during the ceremony at the park we had for "C" whose death was so difficult for me. The other time I played the song "Brave" and that was a song that spurred a very good therapeutic conversation between us.

I'd like to do this more often but I'm not sure if T is open to it. He does not "seem" to mind but I don't know. He did once say to me if I want to share songs don't email them, he'd rather we did it in session.

I am interested in any other thoughts or comments.

Thank you all for the thoughtful comments.

Cat.. I wish I knew my T's favorite song or even favorite type of music. I do agree that sharing certain music can be very intimate because it says something about ourselves that can link to deep emotions. I guess that is why I have found it difficult to share music and also react with anxiety after I do share with T. I don't think we would ever play music in the background while in session as it's too distracting but playing a specific song for it's meaning is more likely.

Hi Affinity... I could never sing for my T... I have a god-awful voice. I wish I could sing. His daughter happens to be a singer and has an excellent voice. I was made fun of as a child whenever I sang so I normally don't. Music is a great way to communicate though and I think this is more my focus... using it as a way to communicate in an intimate way to enhance our relationship and to bring forth topics that are hard for me to talk about in T.

MsC... no "I" am the least artistic person on the planet. I am so untalented in that area but as someone once told me... I may not be artistic but I am VERY creative. I suppose that is true. I don't draw or paint but I write and am creative in other ways. Good to see you here. Thanks.

Monte... thank you for responding. I think it's so touching that when you and T have differences how you both work so hard to learn the other's language so you can continue to communicate. Even if your T only takes in the music on a dry level, he asks really good and pertinent questions which prompts further conversation or exploration of your feelings which are the important ones. I like that your T is honest about his struggles to meet you in the music. But I do get that you need that right brain to right brain connection. I struggle with that too and that is what I most long for and not sure how to get it. It happens sometimes when I'm not trying and it's wonderful.

I will take into consideration how it will feel if we dont' or can't connect through music or other means that we try. I think it's most important to be able to talk about it openly so there are no feelings of hurt or not being cared for. I do tend to jump right to that if my T ever shows any disinterest or indifference to anything that is important to me.

I saw T today but did not get a chance to tackle this topic. I had a few real life issues that popped up for me that needed to be addressed with T. Also some discussion of the anniversary of abandonment this week and my phone call to T. He was very pleased with my call and we talked about how that anniversary is less and less about oldT and more about where I am now and how I got here and about current T who I am very grateful for.

There is always next week
I'll keep you posted.

TN