((( HIC ))) it's a short post but so full of emotion i can't help but take notice. you feel greatly for your T and you are thankful for her. she's there for you, but your perception is that you can do so little for her. i'm willing to bet that in some way, because of the emotion you had in reaction to what is going on with T, that emotion and care was communicated to her on some level, and that she knows you care and that you wish you could help.

((HIC))

quote:

I desperately want life to be perfect for her, and I'm keenly feeling both the intensity and the uselessness of that desire. No matter how strongly I feel I love my T, there is not a thing I can do to make things easier for her. There is nothing she needs that I can give her.

There is such a sense of aimlessness that comes with feeling love as an utterly wasted and ineffective emotion.

Gosh; if only you knew how much that resonates with me towards my T. If you knew her circumstances you would understand.

It sent shivers down my back just reading what you wrote.

HIC, I can relate. I generally think of T in the sense that I really miss her and want to be in her office, but lately, knowing that T is dealing with some stuff of her own, instead of feeling this neediness toward her, I'm feeling empathy and sending prayers to her. It's the only way I feel like I can support her, as of course, therapy is focused on me, and T doesn't bring her stuff in.

quote:

No matter how strongly I feel I love my T, there is not a thing I can do to make things easier for her. There is nothing she needs that I can give her. There is such a sense of aimlessness that comes with feeling love as an utterly wasted and ineffective emotion.

I love this.... and so want the same thing - Usually when T dealing with something, selfishly, I want to make things better for T so that T can be there for me. But this time, I just want things to be better for T so she doesn't have to suffer so.

I don't know what to say or how to help, but I do understand where you are right now, and am right there with you.

HIC-Your post is filled with emotion. I do believe that your caring and empathy is transmitted to your T and in that way you are more than likely helping her. Your words hit home with me as well.
My former T has had some issues this past year too. She has shared some of her issues with me, which in some way took away from my sessions, but in another way helped to build our relationship. It also helped me to know that she isn't perfect and has normal everyday issues like everyone else. In my last session with her I specifically asked about certain issues that she was dealing with and wondering how things were for her. She responded to my query and then said a genuine thank you for asking. In one other session I did bring in a contact card of someone I thought could help her in her situation. I also shared some other resources to try and help. I disliked seeing T in pain.

I hope that your T and you feel better.

(((CD)))

Thanks for the acknowledgement and kind words. What you said here actually made me feel a bit better:

quote:

i'm willing to bet that in some way, because of the emotion you had in reaction to what is going on with T, that emotion and care was communicated to her on some level, and that she knows you care and that you wish you could help.

That is a good thought. I hope you are right.

(((AV)))

quote:

Gosh; if only you knew how much that resonates with me towards my T. If you knew her circumstances you would understand.

I remember you posting some time back about health issues your T was having and how that made you feel. I was actually reminded of that yesterday when I was thinking these things, before I wrote my post. I hope she is doing okay. Thanks for understanding.

(((R2G)))

It's neat that you can relate too, although I am sorry your T is also having a tough time.

quote:

I'm feeling empathy and sending prayers to her.

Yes, I suppose that is one thing I could do, channel some of this empathy and emotion into prayers for T. I haven't been doing much of that lately. Thanks for the reminder.

(((Athenacus)))

quote:

I do believe that your caring and empathy is transmitted to your T and in that way you are more than likely helping her.

This is a lovely thought and I do hope that you are right. I'd love to think that I made a positive difference for T in even an infinitismal way.

quote:

She has shared some of her issues with me, which in some way took away from my sessions, but in another way helped to build our relationship.

I would say this is true for me as well. Interesting the different ways the relationship can develop. I would like to just tell myself that T is strong and resilient and will bounce back, and I have certainly always seen her that way, but now I am feeling more keenly the truth that people are breakable-- all people, even T. I don't think this will be the end of T as I know her, but it is so obviously the case that life can affect any of us in ways that are harmful and beyond our ability to control. Perhaps there is a level of maturity that comes from having to realize that. I certainly feel like some of the more childish aspects of my transference, and my instinct towards blind idealization of T, have been balanced and mitigated by my recent observations and subsequent reflections.

*heaving a general melancholy sigh for the sorrow in the world, but feeling somehow better for having written this and talked with you all.*

Thanks everyone.

(((Hic)))

Thank you for your kind thoughts.

The truth is that my wonderful T was born with
an inherited life shortening illness for which
there is currently no known cure. It hurts that
my love for her cannot provide her with the
perfect healthy life I wish for her so much.

Please: I have accepted the situation now and
have no need of sympathy on my part; but if you
could pray that the medical research being
undertaken around the world finds a cure soon
that would be so much appreciated.

Many thanks.

AV.

quote:

AV.....i'll happily pray for your t x

Same here.

Thanks for the hugs, DF.