I just noticed that it is my anniversary of joining tomorrow the 23rd June and I want to reflect on my year.
I started a year ago having very little idea about my past issues and I have learnt so much about myself. I started with a wonderful T and grew very attached with her but that didn't end well.... (understatement of the century, but had to write it in a beautiful and non-triggery way)
Then I had some troubles...... and I went back to my T that I knew years ago and Holy Batman and Robin - this T is the most perfect person ever (except when she stuffs up). I have seen her for 10 months now..... and I now am so relieved and happy to say that I am attached to her, I trust her, I know she is there for me and most importantly she won't terminate me. I feel safe and secure.
1 year ago - I never even knew what "pre-verbal trauma" and "BPD" was..... and never thought that I would suffer from PTSD in my life.
We have uncovered big stuff that I thought maybe was inside me, but never went looking for it. I have a lot of hard work ahead of me and I know my T will be there for me for years. I know she likes me, I know I challenge her but I know she is in this journey with me.
I have loved her, hated her, been so angry at her, I have yelled at her, written horrible things to her, cancelled on her, ignored her, told her to F off so many times. And she just has this unwaivering support and says to me "I know it is the behaviour talking and it isn't you, I know you don't hate me and I know you don't mean it".
I also tell her all the time that I appreciate her, I trust her, I thank her for her support, intuition, contact, expertise and experience. I thank her a lot for being in my life.
And you guys. OMG. You have been the other half of my therapy story. YOu are there when no one else is, you kicked me up the bum when I needed it and gave me support at every other possible opportunity. I have made friends with some of you and have a bond that won't break.
Thank you all.
Somedays
