I wasn't quite sure where this topic belonged but I think this might be the type of thing I would discuss with a friend over coffee. It is indirectly related to therapy because therapy is helping me, I think, to see my mother and brother as they truly are.

I need help analyzing what went on with a fight between my brother and childhood best friend's mother. My mother is sticking up for my brother and of course, she wants me to side with her/them. Sorry if it's long. I'll try to condense it.

Eve, the mother of my childhood friend, still lives across the street from my mother and brother. Eve doesn't care about her grass. She can't cut it herself but relies most of the time on her children and grandchildren to do it for her. She probably doesn't water it either or treat it with weed killer.

Apparently she had tried a lawn service that my mother uses??? (zoned out during this part of the story) but then it was overgrown again.

So here comes the fight. My brother went to Eve to politely tell her that she doesn't HAVE to use THAT lawn service. She can use any lawn service she wants to use. Eve replied that she doesn't want to use a lawn service. She wants her grandchildren to cut her grass. My brother then told Eve, "I've heard that story before." I think at that point, Eve said, "up yours". Then my brother starts f youing her. I saw Eve at a party over the weekend and she told me that my brother has been giving her the finger every time he has seen her since then.

My mother's version is that my brother was just trying to be helpful. And, oh my, she's never heard such foul language come out of anyone's mouth. (I guess she didn't hear what came out of my brother's mouth.) My mother also said Eve's house is the only house on the block that doesn't have a nice lawn. And Eve has a lot of money and could afford a lawn service.

From where I am sitting, Eve's lawn wasn't bothering Eve. It was bothering my mother and brother and they were trying to get her to use a lawn service. This lawn thing is not really an issue I can relate to. My lawn looks like crap every year by the end of the summer because we get a lot of sun and I just can't seem to control the crab grass. All of my neighbors take reasonably good care of their lawns.

I told my mother that I'd be put out if one of my neighbors came over to complain to me about my lawn. And that, well, maybe it sounded nice that my brother told Eve that she didn't have to use a particular lawn service but what was he really saying? "I don't like the way you keep your grass."

So I see huge lack of boundary issues going on here with my brother and my mother. Am I analyzing this correctly? Or am I biased because I don't need my lawn to be perfect?

I'm sorry if this is really mundane. And I hope that I haven't offended anyone who does care about their neighbor's lawns. Not my intention. It's just that I have bought into my mother's version of things for so long and I'm just starting to see the cracks (took me long enough) in her veneer, her lack of boundaries, her need to control, the need to keep up appearances, etc. etc. It's really such a crack up because my brother treats her and other family members like sh*t but it's all okay because their lawn looks nice.