Incognito,
Sorry you feel you didn't have an effective session. I have done that before, and it seems like an eternity before the next one for me. Have you tried writing the stuff down before your session? I have to do that. I usually just jot down a few keywords of what I want to be sure that I tell him. If I don't, he ALWAYS seems to get me off track. I hope you are feeling better about it all very soon.

Incognito,

I'm sorry you had such a difficult session, but you're not alone. Not feeling present during the session, feeling like you can't correct your T or be open with him/her, and feeling like you "do therapy all wrong" are all things I and a lot of others feel all the time. It's not just you, trust me.

I think it is a good idea to go in with notes to refer to. I know that I get very anxious and foggy when I go in. I bet you often have a hard time remembering what you talked about, too. Well, me too. You're in good company here.

Hang in there.
Russ

quote:

Originally posted by incognito:
I also wasted a lot of the session because when he misunderstood me I didn't feel I could correct him so he talked about a lot of stuff that wasn't important to me. I feel like I do therapy all wrong. I have all these things I want to say before I go in and then I'm unable to say anything important. All my thoughts stay and circle around my head.

Wow - this is exactly what happens to me all the time.

I've had a lot of difficult sessions too.
I have seen countless P's. I've gone through tons of assesments...I don't even have to write anything becuase everything is pretty much in my head.

Also, even I had papers from other P's, the new P's don't read them at all.

Anyways.. my difficult sessions were; whenever I remembered traumas or thing that I never told anyone. and finding out more problems about me. Things that I have to work on, things that I need to fix... which feels like it will never end...

My T was very good listener. I was able to say everything in my head. His questions were very important and smart. But I enjoyed talking to him so much, I was so busy letting out all the negative things...I couldn't really focus on goals. However now, I look back, I've learned so much. I might feel like I am back to square one but it's a new square one.

The best thing is to write down what you want to talk about. It doesn't have to be in sentenses. Even just words

for example:
eating habit
sleep
friends
parenting
driving
anger
sadness

and hightlight only 3 things at the most for that day. I find it very efficent.

Cera. I really liked what hummingbird said about her being the boss LOL. I sometimes think like that, and it works and helps me, to open up and really say what I want and need to say. And you know what? If you aren't able to say what you need to in one session, you can go away from that and analyze why you didn't, and then try again for next time. Therapy is a time to learn and grow..

As far as not getting to say all the things you want to say, I have had the same experienc too and actually had to resort to writing everything down before I went into my sessions. It helps me to keep focused and to the point and in some ways it feels like I am leading the session, which feels good.. Otherwise, I feel foggy and scattered from being so nervous !
take care Flicka

I will add to this old discussion since it feels like a had a difficult session. Session that I feel like I nearly wasted, however if I think a bit it's not quite so. I arrived 15 minutes later and was disappointed that he didn't let me stay these 15 minutes longer. I thought that was the case before, so perhaps that is something I should dare to ask about next time. This really made me feel sad. I wish I could ba annoyed, but I am only sad and maybe angry with myself that I didn't take more caution and didn't leave from work early enough so as not to loose any precious minute.

Previous session ended so emotionally for me, I was happy and flying high. Today again I bearly talked about my feelings. I was afraid. I can't name all the feelings in front ot him. I feel and felt so much, there is so many things I would love to say, but it's too difficult. I wanted to feel close to him the way I felt last time for a while. But I wasn't able to open so much. Too scary, too risky. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned him having a wife. That reminded me sort of the fact of me having no right... and so on... I spent a lot of time in silence, just looking into his eyes. I talked about less relevant things. I don't dare to say word "love" and that I would like to feel loved and that last week in that one wonderful moment I felt like being loved almost. I didn't finish the sentence when I was talking about what happened last week and he didn't insist.

I suppose I didn't quite waste that session since every hour is time during which I learn how to trust? Last time a got two steps closer, so this time I was three steps back. But it made me feel so lonely. I was looking into his eyes feeling happy and a little scared.
I don't even feel happy now about getting a job (permanent, more money), I just want him. I told him that there are so many things I want to tell, but I'm not able to. He replied something that it will get better with time or something like that.

"should I go now?"
"Yes"

Hi echo, thanks for your hints
with me being late for session the story goes like that:
when I started seeing him I asked him if it would be ok if I am late sometimes because it depends on the traffic and I can't predict what it will be like. He said alright. But I don't remember if he was usually extending the session if I was late. I think he could have but I really don't remember. I don't remember if we agreed that. I didn't really care at this stage, because it was for me of more or less same pleasure and importance as seeing a dentist or whoever. Then there was this significant session when he got me aware of my feelings for him. I remember it finished 15 minuts past the usual time, but I don't remember if I arrived later for this one or he just extended it himself because we were close to something very important. Then after that I was arriving always on time because every minute with him was too precious too loose. He might have forgotten about our deal from the begining (if we had any deal - I don't remember either, too many things happened). I was leaving work early enough because I didn't want to be late at all. Then one time I arrived few minutes before, and he pointed that out. So next time I arrived 3-5 minutes later. Last time I arrived 15 minutes later because we talked about it and I thought it's alright if I'm late a bit.
Well, unfortunately it is not about being passive-agressive or testing boundaries. It is all about me wanting desperately to keep him happy so I would deserve his attention and he would like me.
So you see how pathetic I am There's no way I'm going to allow myself be late again.

I tried testing his professionalism and each time I idealize him more and more. There's no end to it. Few sessions ago he must have been hungry and I can hear this really loooud noise coming out of his stomach. I was embarrased. Next session again. He just smiled and said "I should have eaten". I told him, that I'm sitting here, thinking how perfect he is and then out of a sudden his stomach is making these noises. He replied "I'm not perfect", and for me it's just another proof that he actually is perfect. I'm really hopeless case here.

As for writing things down - we've been there. I wrote a lot. I gave him some 30 pages already (I think) and have another notebook full. First time I handed him some notes, I didn't want him to read them in front of me, so he read them after the session. Next session he asked if we can go back and read them. There's no way I would. I gave him more notes, which he read in silence. After that I gave him further notes wich some questions, which he replied. I was still too frightened to talk. Now I have this notebook and I told him I'm not giving it to him untill I will get these things said. So I suppose that will take me some 30 sessions.

To cut the story short: I'm like a little child (2-5 years) and he is like a god there.
I hope I got you a little bit entertained with my story

Hey Amazon!

Sorry to hear about your rough session... it always is challenging to have a rough session after an amazing one!

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Amazon:
As for writing things down - we've been there. I wrote a lot. I gave him some 30 pages already (I think) and have another notebook full. First time I handed him some notes, I didn't want him to read them in front of me, so he read them after the session. Next session he asked if we can go back and read them. There's no way I would. I gave him more notes, which he read in silence. After that I gave him further notes wich some questions, which he replied. I was still too frightened to talk. Now I have this notebook and I told him I'm not giving it to him untill I will get these things said. So I suppose that will take me some 30 sessions. [QUOTE]

I write a lot too... I write and give it to my t... sometimes one page, sometimes 7... I swear she has to have at least two files on me for all the stuff I've written and given her (100 pages, easy)! Sometimes i will write something and drop it off to her (between sessions), sometimes I will give it to her in session... and only ONCE have I read something to her. I often ask her questions in writing and she reponds aloud... which is still hard because i feel all anxious and nervous about what she's gonna say.

Just recently i asked her to stop quoting my writing aloud. She needs clarification sometimes and she'd say "what do you mean when you say______________?" but i hate it! I hate hearing my words aloud. Are you by chance the same way? I asked her to please summarize or paraphrase or circle the part in question!!!

Anyway, just thought I'd say that you aren't alone in writing a ton! I often feel like I need a session per page too!

-ct