Skip to main content

The PsychCafe
Share, connect, and learn.
2 replies

my family is crazy... do I end relationships?

J janedoeMember
um, ok, so I know that is not a very kind nor politically correct way to put it. But I don’t mean they are mentally ill – that is for doctors and therapists to decide and deal with (if they would ever see one). Forgive me. I'm just not sure how else to put this. I just mean they are nutty, crazy, messed up, dysfunctional, boundary pushing… and yeah, abusive, cruel, dangerous too.

I have really good “safety” boundaries and support and protection as an adult so that I never am around the dangerous and abusive people, or actions, in my family. If anything even gets close, I am out of there (and protected). And for 11 years, ever since I was 20, nothing has gotten close to dangerous or physically abusive (except several events with one aunt this summer. She is totally out of my life, restraining order and all, her actions were reported to the police and other authorities who are dealing with her now.)

The nutty, crazy, messed up, dysfunctional, boundary pushing part of my family is really draining on me.

I want to give up. My brother has been so amazing through it all. If it wasn’t for him and my mom, I would give up. Mostly, I just am working for a good relationship with them, and a way to survive the others – and do so only when it helps me be closer to my mom and brother.

Of course, I’d love to have more family than just my mom and brother… and I don’t think I’d ever cut them out.

But the rest, I’m seriously considering ending all contact with.

I just don’t know how to make that decision.
Has anyone struggled with that decision?

I don't even know HOW to make this decision or what to even consider. I know I can only change me. I just don't know what to even cinsider when thinking of eliminating all relationships with all family but my mom and my brother. The only thing I know is the dyfunctional stuff in my extended family, and with my father, is draining me, and yet my mom and brother would be crushed if I gave up and they would be really impacted by it. There has to be another option...

is there?

My regular T and I talked about this a lot today. My family is like my "kryptonite." I'm really struggling dealing with them. A lot. For ahwile, I have to get all the space I can to recover so I don't slide back anymore. That makes me really sad - I wish I was stronger and could handle this all better. Frowner
Original Post

Replies sorted oldest to newest

J janedoeMember
hi kashley and deepfried - thank you very much for reading and for your responses. they helped. i'll respond to them soon. my head is spinning.

i called my aunt w my regular T yesterday. i got her voicemail. i asked my aunt to please not email me again, i don't do email with family. I had said that on email too - and she responded "why? it's not like there are gvernment secrets." i did not explain why. (they are mean on email and not in public or even on the phone.) i asked if i could be involved and help with my grandmother's funeral in any way. i told her she was very important to me and i very much wanted to be included.

my aunt did not know my counselor was present. she sent me very awful emails in the middle of the night saying i was "sick." she didn't say how i was sick or what the problem was that made me "sick." she said she told her grandchildren about "the jane's". (what?) I have no idea what that meant. (i dissociate but not into different personalities and my family just thinks i am spacy and rambly - not dissociative. they have no clue about that.) my aunt wrote i had to prove to her, my aunt, i was "in treatment" and "doing it." i don't know what that even means. She said to never contact her again - so how am i supposed to prove anything to her if i was even to do that?!
my aunt wrote i was weepy in my voicemail. my counselor says i was monotone.

i wanted to go to my grandmas funeral.

my aunt said i am no longer invited.

my grandma died tow months ago and the funeral is not until another two months away.

i want my grandma back.

who cares if i was weepy. my grandma died. no treatment in the world will make me never cry and that's not healthy anyhow.

i'm spinning. i feel really sick. i am so sorry to post all of this.

i wanted to go to my grandmothers funeral. really bad.

Add Reply

Post

Membership Required

We're sorry. You must be signed in to continue. Sign In or Register
×
Are you sure you want to remove from your Block List?
×
Loading...
×
When you block a person, they can no longer invite you to a private message or post to your profile wall. Replies and comments they make will be collapsed/hidden by default. Finally, you'll never receive email notifications about content they create or likes they designate for your content.
Note: if you proceed, you will no longer be following .
×
Advanced Search
Advanced Search
Link copied to your clipboard.
×

Access to this requires a premium membership.

Be a Patron Member

Get psychotherapy help to make your therapy easier and better.



Yes, I've learned about all the benefits of being a Patron Member (Click here if you missed seeing them: Community Psychotherapy Help

Yes, I understand that...

1. I can do a 7 day free trial and my credit card will not be charged until that period is up.

2. I can cancel at any time before then and my card will not be charged.

3. That once my credit card is charged, there is no refund offered.

Have a special coupon?

4. If I'm using a coupon my receipt won't show the discounted amount (It'll show $7.95). However, I understand that it will go through as $2.95 when I am billed after the 7 day trial. (According to the current promotion, this discount applies to the first three months of my membership - and as long as I use the coupon in the checkout.)*

*Please note that after the 3 months, billing will revert to the regular monthly fee.
**The fee posted below is our standard billing fee (ie. using no coupon).

7-Day Free Trial, then $7.95 per Month (plus tax if applicable)
×