My feelings for my ex, are wrong or what ..

annaMember

Hello.

I was married to man who was Muslim and from north Africa, and I am European I met him when I was just 15 y old on holiday, ( I was really sensitive because I had a hard childhood) he lied about everything, his age, where he was from you name it he lied, I thing afterward he wanted a pass (green card) to Europe , he treated me and our now MY son really badly, I finally was able to divorce him about 7 years ago, but it affect it me really badly and my son, ( he has not made any attempt to see his son or contact him in any way, NOT on his birthday or nothing , he still lives in my country) he abused me in any way possibly way ,maybe it was because we were from different culture I don’t know ,and in his culture the wife is submissive and does anything the husband says, , but I haven’t be able to talk really about it , because I haven’t anyone who has been in the same situation as me, I have just started to talk about this when my T went on holiday. its so stupid I just found out he recently married a woman, I know it should not affect me , but I haven’t been able to be with a another man , so scared they will treat me badly like him, but my son tells me sometimes he wishes he has brother or sister, but I don’t see that in the future for me, it enough sometimes to take care of my sweet son, and my self,

But now I see he married a woman from his culture and I know the next step is child, I don’t know why I feel angry, sad, or what , some how I wish I could move on like my ex..

7/27/1212:13 PM

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pathwewalkMember

(((Anna)))

It sounds like you have so much to heal from, so let yourself know it will take time.

While my situation is not exactly the same, I am recently divorced, and I know my ex is starting to date, and I cringe at the impact on my child. It is excruciating, actually. And dating is the last thing I want to consider now, too.

I don't want to sound trite, but I do think healing from an abusive situation like this, especially when compounded with childhood wounds, takes a long time. Hang in there.

7/27/1212:31 PM

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snMember

(((Anna)))
So sorry for all you have had to endure. I echo what Outsider has said, especially about healing taking a long time.

Also... I can't speak for your ex, of course, but I think abusers are often like the drunk drivers that walk away from an accident that leaves the innocent ones injured and forever scarred. What the driver did - how they've hurt someone, and their culpability - often doesn't sink in to him for years, even decades. If ever, in some cases.
Sometimes they're truly clueless or cold-hearted, but often they just can't acknowledge or accept the pain they've inflicted on others until something drastic shoves a mirror in their face. We really can't judge what someone else is thinking or going through themselves though. That being said, the denial or cold-heartedness can also be a coping mechanism.

Meanwhile, they appear to "move on," which feels like adding insult to injury.

Glad you have found the forum, and hope you will find the support you need here!