...me too, smiley. Thinking of you.
Hi Smiley, I know you told us you don't have anything much to say but it would sure be nice to have you just check in and say hi. Sending you hugs and hoping things are feeling a little better for you.
TN
TN
Sorry for not checking in. Things are super nuts at work. Yes I am still here and trying to work through alot of stuff. I did e-mail my T last week with some pretty intense feelings and past stuff. Now I have to see her on Weds and I don't even want to face her. I don't want to talk about my e-mail or anything I wrote to her. How stupid of me to do that. I am so screwed up and feeling so stupid. I have been on an emotional roller coaster for weeks now and I don't even know why I'm still here.
Smiley,
I agree with what June said. I hope your session goes well on Wednesday. I'm thankful that you checked in here. I'm sorry things are still so hard, but glad to see you are still reaching out.
I agree with what June said. I hope your session goes well on Wednesday. I'm thankful that you checked in here. I'm sorry things are still so hard, but glad to see you are still reaching out.
Hi Smiley,
Thanks for checking in, it's good to hear from you. I also agree with June.
The truth is that although it can be so incredibly difficult to do, the way to heal is to speak about how you're feeling, all of it, good, bad and in between. So although you're regretting it, I think it was really good you emailed your T. I hope Wednesday goes much better than you expect. If you're up for it, let us know how it goes.
AG
Thanks for checking in, it's good to hear from you. I also agree with June.
The truth is that although it can be so incredibly difficult to do, the way to heal is to speak about how you're feeling, all of it, good, bad and in between. So although you're regretting it, I think it was really good you emailed your T. I hope Wednesday goes much better than you expect. If you're up for it, let us know how it goes. AG
I don't think I'm gonna go tomorrow.
Smiley,
I know it is hard and you might be feeling exposed because of your email, but I would like to gently encourage you to keep the session. You don't have to talk about the email, but maybe it would be ok to just go to the session and say you aren't ready to talk about yet? Would you be able to do that? (((hugs)))
I know it is hard and you might be feeling exposed because of your email, but I would like to gently encourage you to keep the session. You don't have to talk about the email, but maybe it would be ok to just go to the session and say you aren't ready to talk about yet? Would you be able to do that? (((hugs)))
smiley, i haven't said anything, but i do so admire your ability to let us into your searching right now. i wish i had magic words for you, but, you are a kind soul, and a worthwhile person. your struggle is hard now, i know. but, as i tell myself, surely, around one of these hard bends in the road, there will be an easier climb. and i know it is true. we just have to keep on climbing. it is darkest before the dawn.
i love what everyone has been able to say, and, with strm, think sometimes going, and saying to them what you aren't ready to talk about, at least letting them know where you CAN'T go right now, can be helpful.
thank you for letting us know how you are. xxoo, jill
i love what everyone has been able to say, and, with strm, think sometimes going, and saying to them what you aren't ready to talk about, at least letting them know where you CAN'T go right now, can be helpful.
thank you for letting us know how you are. xxoo, jill
Dear smiley
Thank you for updating us here, it was good to hear from you. Oh I so understand about not facing Ts after we've e-mailed then stuff and regretted it BUT I have literally only just this minute read a post on PM from someone encouraging me to do the same. I emailed my T in a bit of a state about something on Sunday, have had a helpful and understanding reply, but now would do anything rather than face her later this week. But deep inside smiley I know that I emailed her for a reason, just as you did, and that in doing so you have helped your T get valuable insight into that stuff. Now it WILL feel dreadful, but it was certainly not stupid, it was a very brave thing to do. So just as the forum member advised me to go, I urge you to do similar. I have written things that I don't intend to show my T this week - for now it is enough simply that she knows them. The same is true for you, tell your T that you don't wish to discuss them now if that feels safest....the right time wil come smiley and she will know that and be so proud of you just being there. The times when I feel the most screwed up and the most stupid are the times I really have to push myself to see T, tell myself that the worst that can happen if she'll think I'm dumb, but in all the times I have seen her she never has once. But do you know, they are the sessions that I often come away from feeling the most connected and helped. I pray if you do go, that the same will happen to you. We are all here still rooting for you smiley.....I'm going to go this week, can you too?
Hugs to you and a hug for your bravery in contacting her last week,
starfish
Thank you for updating us here, it was good to hear from you. Oh I so understand about not facing Ts after we've e-mailed then stuff and regretted it BUT I have literally only just this minute read a post on PM from someone encouraging me to do the same. I emailed my T in a bit of a state about something on Sunday, have had a helpful and understanding reply, but now would do anything rather than face her later this week. But deep inside smiley I know that I emailed her for a reason, just as you did, and that in doing so you have helped your T get valuable insight into that stuff. Now it WILL feel dreadful, but it was certainly not stupid, it was a very brave thing to do. So just as the forum member advised me to go, I urge you to do similar. I have written things that I don't intend to show my T this week - for now it is enough simply that she knows them. The same is true for you, tell your T that you don't wish to discuss them now if that feels safest....the right time wil come smiley and she will know that and be so proud of you just being there. The times when I feel the most screwed up and the most stupid are the times I really have to push myself to see T, tell myself that the worst that can happen if she'll think I'm dumb, but in all the times I have seen her she never has once. But do you know, they are the sessions that I often come away from feeling the most connected and helped. I pray if you do go, that the same will happen to you. We are all here still rooting for you smiley.....I'm going to go this week, can you too?
Hugs to you and a hug for your bravery in contacting her last week,
starfish
Dear Smiley,
It's really good to see you, and although I know that it feels like total crap, I think it is amazingly good that you opened the door a little and let your T see some of your stuff. That would have been incredibly hard to do, given how much you are struggling with those powerful voices telling you NOT to let her in. It's a brave and generous thing, and although it feels terrifying I believe it will pay off for you. Please give yourself credit for taking that step. I'm sending you lots of strength for the next step.
Jones
It's really good to see you, and although I know that it feels like total crap, I think it is amazingly good that you opened the door a little and let your T see some of your stuff. That would have been incredibly hard to do, given how much you are struggling with those powerful voices telling you NOT to let her in. It's a brave and generous thing, and although it feels terrifying I believe it will pay off for you. Please give yourself credit for taking that step. I'm sending you lots of strength for the next step.
Jones
thank you all for answering me. I feel terrible that I can't be of any help to anyone right now. I know you are all going through your own stuff and are still taking time out for me. thank you so much. I hope I can return your love and support some day.
as it is, we are expecting some pretty nasty weather this afternoon. i am assuming my t will cancel our appointment today. it's ok though, i don't think i could really face her. she knows all about my past. she knows most of the stuff i wrote to her. the hardest part was writing it down. it is the closest i have ever come to actually saying any of those words out loud. i don't think it was a big deal to her as she said that none of this is new. she said she had alot to say but that i needed to pack up the shame and get rid of it. sure that's easy. if it was so easy i would have done it already. i don't know how much longer i can hold on to this struggle. i need to shut my brain down for good. just turn it off and not think anymore. i want that now more than anything.
sorry for the downer agaian. i feel so pathetic, i don't even want to talk to me.
as it is, we are expecting some pretty nasty weather this afternoon. i am assuming my t will cancel our appointment today. it's ok though, i don't think i could really face her. she knows all about my past. she knows most of the stuff i wrote to her. the hardest part was writing it down. it is the closest i have ever come to actually saying any of those words out loud. i don't think it was a big deal to her as she said that none of this is new. she said she had alot to say but that i needed to pack up the shame and get rid of it. sure that's easy. if it was so easy i would have done it already. i don't know how much longer i can hold on to this struggle. i need to shut my brain down for good. just turn it off and not think anymore. i want that now more than anything.
sorry for the downer agaian. i feel so pathetic, i don't even want to talk to me.
Smiley, it seems to me that it actually was a huge deal for you to write that stuff down, and that you've taken a really big step in going that far. It doesn't matter if your T had kind of figured it out or knew from other ways already. You wrote it down and shared it and that is hugely important. You have taken a step closer to being able to process the feelings of what you have been through, instead of being paralysed by them. I am sorry that she didn't seem to realise that it was a such a huge step.
Packing up the shame and getting rid of it does make it sound easy. I'm not sure how one would do that - I'd be inclined to think exactly what you are thinking - that if you could do that you would have already.
I don't know, Smiley, I know you are working really, really hard to hang in there, and by sharing this stuff with your T I believe you are really moving towards making things better. You are doing exactly the right stuff. The last thing I want to do is to call into question one of your very important supports - but I gotta ask - in the big picture, do you feel supported by your T? Does it feel like she 'gets' you? You need someone who understands what you're going through, Smiley - you really do, and you deserve that, too.
Please don't worry about not supporting others here right now. There's a season for everything, and right now you just need to get yourself to a safe place. For me and I am sure for others there is a real blessing to be had just in trying to be able to meet you with welcome when you reach out to us. Things to learn and understand, and just the good feeling of having warmth in your heart for someone you care about. You are part of our Psychcafe family. We want to be able to care for you if we can. Thank you for telling us a little more of what's going on.
And there's nothing pathetic in anything you've said. I know without doubt that the pain you are in is the product of everything you have been through. It is a product of how painful the world can be. It is no fault of yours.
Take care,
Jones
Packing up the shame and getting rid of it does make it sound easy. I'm not sure how one would do that - I'd be inclined to think exactly what you are thinking - that if you could do that you would have already.
I don't know, Smiley, I know you are working really, really hard to hang in there, and by sharing this stuff with your T I believe you are really moving towards making things better. You are doing exactly the right stuff. The last thing I want to do is to call into question one of your very important supports - but I gotta ask - in the big picture, do you feel supported by your T? Does it feel like she 'gets' you? You need someone who understands what you're going through, Smiley - you really do, and you deserve that, too.
Please don't worry about not supporting others here right now. There's a season for everything, and right now you just need to get yourself to a safe place. For me and I am sure for others there is a real blessing to be had just in trying to be able to meet you with welcome when you reach out to us. Things to learn and understand, and just the good feeling of having warmth in your heart for someone you care about. You are part of our Psychcafe family. We want to be able to care for you if we can. Thank you for telling us a little more of what's going on.
And there's nothing pathetic in anything you've said. I know without doubt that the pain you are in is the product of everything you have been through. It is a product of how painful the world can be. It is no fault of yours.
Take care,
Jones
Hi Smiley,
Jones said exactly what I wanted to express and said it with such eloquence and beauty, I don't have anything to add.
You are a part of our community, and it is not a burden, but a joy to care for our own.
(((Smiley))))
AG
Jones said exactly what I wanted to express and said it with such eloquence and beauty, I don't have anything to add.
You are a part of our community, and it is not a burden, but a joy to care for our own.
(((Smiley))))
AG
(((((Smiley))))))
Glad to see you. I know it's hard right now but it's great that you were able to share your pain with your T. Wish I had something really soothing to say but mostly wanted to say hi and send big hugs and warm wishes your way.
(((((HUGS)))))
Liese
P.S. We're having really bad weather here too today and I was wondering if my T was going to cancel also. I'm a maniac and will drive in anything. So we will see!!!
Glad to see you. I know it's hard right now but it's great that you were able to share your pain with your T. Wish I had something really soothing to say but mostly wanted to say hi and send big hugs and warm wishes your way.
(((((HUGS)))))
Liese
P.S. We're having really bad weather here too today and I was wondering if my T was going to cancel also. I'm a maniac and will drive in anything. So we will see!!!
(((Smiley))))
Many of us don't know what our purpose in life is, why we are here or what role we will play in the world and we have no idea of the impact our own struggles will have on humanity. I am thinking of Nelson Mandela in prison for 27 years and how it transformed him into the most extraordinary human being.
We really just don't know quite how our mistakes and pain are going to transform us, or what we are going to be able to do for the world once we are through the worst of it.
Step by step, day by day is enough.
Pan
Many of us don't know what our purpose in life is, why we are here or what role we will play in the world and we have no idea of the impact our own struggles will have on humanity. I am thinking of Nelson Mandela in prison for 27 years and how it transformed him into the most extraordinary human being.
We really just don't know quite how our mistakes and pain are going to transform us, or what we are going to be able to do for the world once we are through the worst of it.
Step by step, day by day is enough.
Pan
Smiley, when I read your last post I immediately thought to myself... WOW Smiley is making amazing progress. You actually wrote down those horrible things that you could not even think about previously. That is a huge step to take, Smiley. Give yourself some credit for that and how much courage that took. One small step at a time and you will eventually speak it and then process it and eventually it will have no power over you and you will be free of it. It's hard for you to see your own progress but we here can see it and you are moving forward even if you dont' feel it just yet.
Please don't worry about supporting anyone here. You need to take care of you first of all. We all go through phases where we need to lean more than hold up others. I have leaned really heavily on the community here over the past months since my termination and I hope that now the worst is past I can help others as they have helped me. But I am also sure there will be times in the future when I need to lean again and it will be okay. We are all here to help each other. You have helped in the past and you will again in the future, I'm sure of it. But now you need to lean and that is okay. I'm so glad that you feel you can reach out to us and share your pain and allow us to support you whatever way we can.
I want to agree with what our wise Draggers said. Those of us who suffered and have shame and pain... we are the ones who care more for others, that understand, that have empathy and compassion. We are SO much better than the ones who hurt us. You are a wonderful person, Smiley, and you deserve a good life and to live and love and be at peace.
We are having very bad weather here too. I hope everyone stays safe if they need to be out driving. I don't have a T appointment today but I told my T if he has any cancels to please call me.
Hugs
TN
Please don't worry about supporting anyone here. You need to take care of you first of all. We all go through phases where we need to lean more than hold up others. I have leaned really heavily on the community here over the past months since my termination and I hope that now the worst is past I can help others as they have helped me. But I am also sure there will be times in the future when I need to lean again and it will be okay. We are all here to help each other. You have helped in the past and you will again in the future, I'm sure of it. But now you need to lean and that is okay. I'm so glad that you feel you can reach out to us and share your pain and allow us to support you whatever way we can.
I want to agree with what our wise Draggers said. Those of us who suffered and have shame and pain... we are the ones who care more for others, that understand, that have empathy and compassion. We are SO much better than the ones who hurt us. You are a wonderful person, Smiley, and you deserve a good life and to live and love and be at peace.
We are having very bad weather here too. I hope everyone stays safe if they need to be out driving. I don't have a T appointment today but I told my T if he has any cancels to please call me.
Hugs
TN
Dear Smiley,
Thinking of you. Wondering whether you felt able to get to your appointment, and how you are feeling at the moment.
Sending hugs and gentle care.
Jones
Thinking of you. Wondering whether you felt able to get to your appointment, and how you are feeling at the moment.
Sending hugs and gentle care.
Jones