Hi,

I'm new here and this is really the first time I've reached out. My problem consists of mostly social- I'm consistently fighting with feelings of feeling like I don't belong or fearing that other people don't feel I belong. For example, whenever I go out anywhere and there are new people around me I'm very quiet and tend to talk if I'm talked to, but I never start conversations and I'm a bit defensive especially if there are other females around my husband. I'm in my late 20's and I'm newly married- he's always complaining that I "put myself out" of groups or act like I don't really want to be there when we go out. He's very sociable and can sit and talk to just about anyone- I always tend to sit back and quietly observe- once I get to know you and I'm comfortable with you I'll act like myself- but if not I don't. I want to just act like myself wherever I go regardless of what others think and not have a constant wall up- or change myself based on the person. Also the fact that it's like any girl is a possible threat- I trust my husband but it's like I don't trust other women (unless I trust them) and I don't like how it's making him feel.

Another point to this is if my husband wants to go out with a friend and he "leaves me behind" which basically means leaving me at home etc, I immediately get defensive and feel like he doesn't want me to be there and that he's abandoning me. It bothers me and I start to think he's going to go out on his own and go wild- and my reaction is always to think "I'm not going to sit around while he has fun- I'm going out to" almost like I always want to "show him" or spite him.
A lot of it has to do with me fearing that he'll take me for granted or that he's cheating on me and I'm being a good wife and waiting for him- while he's taking advantage.

I know where a lot of this derives from but it seems like I can't get past the thoughts. My mother is a very jealous person and all my life she's always been jealous of friends or boyfriends/girlfriends when it comes to her children. Or with my father she always thought he was up to something when he wasn't. Also lack of confidence in myself- whenever I received compliments on my looks or talents my initial thought had always been really? So I know that's the underlying problem- the current problem is how to "fix" it :-/

Thanks :-)