I thought I would share my experience with my new trauma T. I've actually been seeing her very infrequently since December but am now seeing her once a week.

I really don't know how she would have worked with me if I had seen her when I first started therapy. I can only compare how I am now.

She will just send me an email out of the blue to update me about something or follow up on something. She sent me an email tonight and one of the things she told me was that she was going on a retreat, wasn't sure she would have wifi but if I don't hear from her until Monday, that would be the only reason.

It really struck me because I wouldn't expect to hear from her before our session but was really touched that she would let me know she was going to be unavailable. The whole emailing thing is SO much easier because she is into emailing. I guess it works for her so she uses it as part of forming our attachment. It's also really nice because I am not concerned if she's thinking about me in between sessions. I KNOW she is because she contacts me. It's just not something I have to worry about. Why build object constancy around these weekly sessions with nothing in between except for our imaginations to fill in the most negative of negatives that our T's are too busy seeing other clients and being with their families in order to think about us? She is being a constant object for me.

I actually feel like she is doing the work as opposed to when I saw my OldT, I was doing cartwheels all the time trying to prove to him that I really wanted to change. It feels like she likes me and wants to help me.

I just wanted to share because the whole relationship has such a different feel to it. She is married and her husband works - so she has the luxury to have only 6 clients and spend lots of time on each one. My OldT didn't have that. I'm sure things would have been different if he could have had that so it's not fair to compare. But it feels SO different and so much less insecure that I can actually imagine building a secure attachment with her that doesn't involve me asking for reassurance all the time because I don't need to do that. Again, I don't know how well this all would have worked had I seen her from the start of my therapy. And, I don't know if she would have been the same way with me at that stage in therapy as she is now. I feel connected to her in a professional way but still connected.