Hi Susanne,
Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry for your struggle, those moments in which all of life changes can be so hard to get through and I think our children being hurt is much harder to bear than when it's us. Even when they're grown at 21 (I have 19 and 17 years old daughters), we still feel like we're supposed to be able to protect them the way we could when they were small so they don't get hurt. And if they do get hurt, we're supposed to be able to fix it. But once they're adults that's no longer true, but the feeling it should be can weigh heavy on us.
As for how you get through, you've started to do it. You reached out for connection and a place to talk about it. I am assuming that your son told you something about himself that was really difficult for you to know. You should do what you've always done with a parent. When you're interacting with him, you present a calm, unworried front that lets him know that he'll get through this, that you're there for him and it can be worked through.
Then you turn to your other resources: your friends, this forum, a spouse (if you have one!), a therapist in order to have a safe place for you to express your feelings: fear, anger, sadness, hurt, etc. And please don't feel guilty about any of the feelings you're having. Feelings are just that, feelings. They're important to pay attention to because they tell us so much about ourselves and enrich our lives and make them worth living, but it's what we do about them that defines who we are.
And it's important for you to have a safe place to express those emotions so you don't end up unconsciously acting them out on the person who shared this knowledge.
AG
