Hi suzyq...

I know you are new here and I first want to welcome you. I also wanted to let you know I edited your post to include a trigger warning. This is normally done if you plan to mention suicidal urges or self injury/harm in your posts. Or you can post in the Sensitive Issues forum. Please don't feel badly, as I realize you are new and you are also in shock over what happened with your T today.

I, too, was abruptly abandoned by my oldT and in such a damaging way that I ended up with PTSD on top of my already having complex-PTSD from childhood abuse. I was in deep trauma for the first 6 months and extremely depressed as well. I am better now... not back to where I was before... but I am doing better thanks to my good fortune in finally finding an awesome, smart, caring wonderful T.

I think something that a lot of T's don't get when working with patients with trauma/abuse backgrounds is that there are times we don't want to be alive... yet that does NOT mean that we want to end our lives. My new T gets this. My old T did not. I still really have no idea why I was abandoned by oldT. He never really told me except to say that I needed a "trauma" therapist instead of him. My current T says that is bullshit because any good T could deal with my issues but that my oldT was an incompetent idiot. He may also have had strong feelings for me that scared him to death and so he ran away from me. He terminated me one day by handing me a piece of paper with 4 T names on it and said to call them to find a new T. He was leaving for a 3 week vacation and I was strugglign to just handle that... not a total abandonment. I had NO transition time. On top of that... I just had abdominal surgery and the day he terminated me I was out of hospital 4 days.

It has been a very long road to where i am now in my relationship with my current T. He understand how hard it is to recover from T abuse and betrayal. He says it's the worst kind up there with betrayal by clergy because the T relationship is sacred in it's own way.

If you want to read more of my story you can search under my screen name. It all happened in August 2010. I went through intense grief and shock. I found my current T after seeing 4 other T's, some for as much as ten sessions. he was the only one who really understood as he specializes in failed prior therapies.

Because of my own situation I know it is possible to have and develop a new therapeutic attachment and relationship but it takes a ton of hard work and strength and the right T who can withstand the initial anger and lack of trust in T's.

I'm truly sorry this happened to you. My best advice is to find another T to help you work through this and to continue to post here for support. This board and the members here helped me immensely. If I can answer any questions, please feel free to ask.

Best
TN

Hey Suzy,

I am sorry this is happening to you. Unfortunately not all T's are good at knowing the difference between someone who is truly suicidal and someone who just talks about it. Many T's won't work with someone even vaguely in the suicidal category because they don't feel qualified to know the difference or to do anything about it. Also, you can imagine getting a suicide note from anyone, whether you are a T or not could be a very upsetting experience. I am just saying that so you could understand a little better why you may have gotten the reaction you did. A better reaction I think would be to lay down a boundary about not sending anything similar in the future and to come up with a safety contract.

I also got referred to a new T by my first one, when she decided my issues were too much for her to deal with. It took me a month to actually take the referral and leave because I was so attached to her that I didn't want to move on. Actually, if I had been stubborn enough I could have probably stayed. But actually I am really glad I switched. In fact, I wish I had taken the referral the first time she gave it to me, instead of waiting a month. My new T is so much better for me than my old one was. She has been much better in calling me back, knowing how to answer my emails, and helping me feel safe enough to talk in session. Even though leaving my old T was so incredibly painful at first, she helped me through it.

So you may have no choice in this, and it's not going to be easy, but it might actually turn out better for you in the end. Just to put an optimistic thought in there.

I hope you stick around here and get whatever support you need.

and I am another person who this has happened to. Terminated abruptly 16 months ago because of conflict of interest and T was not experienced enough to handle me. She too freaked a bit once when I talked about SU stuff.

I was completely traumatised by the abrupt termination and I am still working through it.

I went back to a T I had known previously and that T has ended up being perfect. Since I had seen her last she had specialised in my particular issues and followed a mode of therapy that is perfect for me.

I know you are feeling horrible and abandoned and devastated - but the three of us that have commented here - can tell you that we are with way better T's now and it was a blessing in disguise to be rid of the other T's.

You might not appreciate that right now, but you will find peace with it. It is really important to find a T who can handle your issues. I kind of interviewed mine and played devils advocate and threw all sorts of difficult questions and hypothetical situations at her. Her answers that day to my questions have remained true 16 months later.

You can do it. And you have lots of people here who have been through this.
Somedays.

Thank u so much for the support.....its been such a hard week for me. Have barley gotten out of bed, nor eaten...and this was my vacation week!!! Lol some vacation...but I was so relieved to find people who actually understand how I feel. I told a few friends and they said sorry, but couldn't understand the devestation I feel right now, I didn't think anybody could understand how a person could want to die, but not be su!!!!! And that's exactly how I feel!!! I am so scared to meet with a new t I have an appt next week. I am really scared to meet with her. I'm afraid all I'm going to do is sit in her office and cry. But I am hoping that what u say is true and I will get a better t. Thanks so much for responding it made me feel so much better knowing I'm not alone.

Don’t really have any wise words to say, but I do get how devastating this feels so wanted to send you a few hugs of support (((((((((((( Suzyq )))))))))))

LL

Thank u so much. Ur support and understanding is so badly needed. I feel so alone in this.

(((suzyq)))

I have no words of wisdom as such, but I can say I understand because I too had my therapy terminated after a period of 18 months where I COMPLETELY trusted and, dare I say, loved my T with every bit of my heart. She gave no reason and it was ended abruptly on mail. I think there should be another word in the English dictionary because "devastated" doesn't seem to adequately describe those feelings. I wish I knew what to say to you to make those feelings go away, unfortunately I don't. It's been 9months since my therapy was terminated and I still battle daily, but the hope if there is any, is that I have moments now when she is not on my mind and those moments are extending themselves. Note I said moments not days. I think based on other peoples experiences it just takes time, and I don't think allocating yourself a few months is a realistic time frame - not when that was the first person you trusted and you have been hurt that deeply. Don't focus on the day you won't miss your T, focus on the improvements you make along the way. They will be very minor at first, hardly even noticable. We have a strength within ourselves even if there are times we can't see it or feel it. We just have to remember that it is there and remembering is possibly the begining or the seed of hope. Suzyq you have the strength to get over this as painful as what it is.



B2W

Hi suzieq,
you are far from alone in this. I am amazed at how many people on this site have been abandoned and lied to by their therapists, myself included. Would it help to talk some more with T about this and mention your thoughts and feelings? I am pretty stubborn (BlLT) and have gone back to my now Edt each time she terminated me, albeit after months or years. Yes there were 3-4 times. I finally am confident its all about her and not my fault. Kind of took awhile since she always said I was doing worse, even though it came out of the blue. One time Id had a custody hearing for my son. I saw her before and was worried she 'd abandons me cause I. was so much a basketcase about the hearing. She reassured me she wouldn't. I talked to her by phone after the case and was pretty upset. That hysteria transformed into a gratitude Id never
experienced before and I went in to my session the next day wanting to tell her how very deeply I was grateful for her presense. To my surprise she said I was terminated. I couldn't even respond. She'd just promised not to abandoned me. I just told her about my gratitude and left.
I thought I was alone in this. But there are many people here who know the same.
Its not you. T just cant handle it. Maybe its better that we don't trust another T. We can trust ourselves instead. I hope you can find someone more deserving of your trust. Your T really blew it. You deserve better. I guess its a turf job being a T, cause this happens a lot. Hugs and blessings to you! KD