I was a slightly bigger girl today, more outspoken. I noticed when I was leaving that he was not as handsome and perfect as couple of previous sessions. I thought that I was taller than him.
I still love him so much and want to hug him, and be near him.
It's just the boundaries seem so cold. I'm confused and still trying to figure out what way does he want me to be. Or is the way I want to be with him o.k.?
I don't know, just venting here...
I trust him so much I wouldn't want any other therapist (even though I'm afraid before every session and I can't tell everything I feel and think yet)
I care about him so much. It's like I want to protect the perfect image of his, because I don't want to stop loving him. But then I can't imagine that I won't love him. I stil will. I bloody miss him. I won't see him for 3 weeks around Christmas and New Year.
I asked him if he could tell me to do something (study for my exams). Of course he refused to take any responsibility for me doing or not doing something. I just couldn't bloody focus and thought if HE would tell me to focus and study, then I defenitely would. I suppose that wouldn't be therapeutic, but I thought that may be helpful. I suppose it's bit of a boundary area here...

These are just loose thoughts...
I'm lost because I gave up so much power to him and I don't know if it's good. He wouldn't tell me. I don't think he wants to keep me dependent on him, but I feel I need it for some time. I feel like he wants me to be independent. I don't know what the hell does he want from me? I don't know where the therapy is going. I want to stay with him, I don't want to grow up just yet. Aaaaaaaaa.... (confused)