((((((Turtle))))))
My heart is heavy for you as I read all this & my temper is raging over this lack of responsibility of her part. Did she voice her opinion that she didn't think she was helping you? If you go to a medical dr & your symptoms aren't subsiding does the dr say too bad, can't help you, bye! They @ least refer you to another dr like a specialist. I just don't understand it.

Can't imagine how you feel turtle, but you're in my thoughts & prayers.
Keep breathing. Keep posting. So many are concerned about you

Mudd

quote:

I am having waves of various feelings over take me. I go from panic to anger to acceptance to wanting to beg her and on and on. These are coming at me rapidly.

I just wanted to add here that your reactions and feelings resulting from her abandonment of you are perfectly normal and just what I experienced as well. The greatest emotion I think was fear. I felt that if I left my house I would die or something terrible would happen. Then I would have strong and overwhelming urges to run to T's office and just camp out there until he came to work. I had such a strong and intense drive to somehow and some way connect with him again. then if I tried to sleep a terrible panic would come over me and I would jump up and have to get out of bed and pace around to calm down. It was truly a terrible time for me and I know what you are going through.

If this termination was truly out of the blue with no warning and she didn't provide any references or use consultation or supervision to continue working with you, then it's unethical termination and you can report her. I would suggest that you ask her for a termination session(s) (if this is what you want) and let her know that you will report her to the state licensing board if she refuses. If she is half smart she will meet with you.

You will need time to process all that has happened to you with her. Eventually, you will accept that there is no going back and that going back is probably a bad idea but I know this is something you cannot accept or take in right now. The best and most constructive thing you can do it to begin searching for a new T. You will need someone to help you get through this period of grief.

Writing will also help.

Hang in there.
TN

quote:

I am having waves of various feelings over take me. I go from panic to anger to acceptance to wanting to beg her and on and on. These are coming at me rapidly

(((Turtle))) from my termination experience, the kaleidoscope of feelings that you are experiencing at high levels of intensity are normal. It would not be normal if you did not go through that whirlpool of emotions. Our relationship with our T's is exceptionally powerful and so much of it is based on trust. To suddenly be told that the relationship is over is nothing short of devastating, and what you are experiencing is all part of the grieving process. I wish I could say it is a short process, but it's not. It is an extremely difficult one and you do need support. I got most of my support from members of this forum Turtle and I can honestly say if it were not for the members of this forum I don't think I would be here today. Turtle there really are people over here that care and understand what you are going through. You are not alone. I think you should continue to go to your group meetings if that is what made you feel good in the past. Let your T leave if she feels uncomfortable, you shouldn't have to sacrifice any more of yourself for her. It is bad enough what she did. Don't allow her to take away the little support you have.



B2W

My T dumped me in a really clumsy and reckless way too and that certainly made things worse. You will have cycles and cycles of a range of emotions come up and hit you time and time again. Even when you aren't expecting it. Sometimes I would cry in my sleep, cry at weird times - it was my body doing some and I had no control. It was like having body and memory grief.

Don't expect much of yourself. Go through the process and time helps heal plus a truckload of therapy.
SD

((turtle)) reading your updates and thinking of you. it's awful when a therapist is so callous. I don't think I will ever get over what mine did to me, either. I hope you can get a termination session - if it would be helpful and safe for you.

Turtle, I want you to know I mentioned what your T did, to my T and he was like and shook his head in disbelief.

It is both a shock and shocking when treated like that. No one deserves it.

Turtle, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I know how hard it is. My T abruptly terminated me at the end of last year and it's been rough. My anxiety/panic attacks were so bad at times I thought I was going to pass out. Give yourself time and like others here said, take care of yourself. I know it's hard to do. My T terminated me over the phone, and said she wasn't qualified to help me after almost 4 years. She did give me 2 references. I begged her over and over to let me stay, but it didn't matter. Now I see that she really wasn't helping me. I go to a T who is trained in DBT and I go to a DBT group every week. When you are ready, you will find the right T for you. I think I did, and I look forward to the group every week.

I just reported my T for terminating me but more for other reasons. I don't feel bad because she crossed boundaries from the second month I was there, I just never realized it.

Talk to anyone who will listen, and find a new T. You are better off without her even thought it doesn't feel that way right now. It gets better. Take care.

Thinking of you Turtle. You are cared for here. We are here for you. Keep remembering that. Gentle hugs coming your way.

Hi turtle... thinking of you. Please check in and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs
TN

Turtle...

Hugs if ok.... I agree with others, she should have got you help, and referred you if need be.

I have had a bad T, dump me when I was on the way to an appointment. No termination, he had already lost his right to practice.

I feel so bad for you, I hope you can find the courage soon to find a real T. I have heard of Ts being tough of calls of SU but geesh...

Take time to grieve... then start looking for a new T.. believe me..
I found much better Ts....

Thank you. All of you. The pain is just increasing. It's really intense. I haven't wanted to eat or even drink (water) since she told me.

My sister came into town and I spent time with her and that helped but now I am alone again. I think of my T and I double over in pain. Crying. THe last email I sent her was titled "Please take me back"

I have not experienced this much pain in a long time.

I know there's absolutely nothing we can physically do to take away the pain you're in, Turtle, but please know you're in our thoughts and we are rooting for you.

The Kid

Hi turtle,

I just want you to know that I'm here, reading your post, and even though words won't help much, please know that I'm thinking of you and trying to shoulder a little bit of your pain, if only in my mind.

((((turtle))) I'm so sorry.



RabbitEars

(((turtle)))

(((turtle))) I'm so sorry for the pain and confusion you're in. We're all still here, still listening.

Turtle, I was the same - same that I didnt eat and drink for many days, and same that I had an email entitled Please take me back.....

Once she gave me the final NO, I then immediately looked up a T I previously knew and went and saw her and I felt slightly connected to life again.

It is hard.

quote:

Turtle, I was the same - same that I didnt eat and drink for many days, and same that I had an email entitled Please take me back.....

I was paralyzed for days. Not moving. Not speaking, eating or drinking. My family thought I was dying. I thought I was already dead. It's the most unimaginable pain ever. There is nothing that really takes it away except time and talking about it. I saw 5 T's trying to find one to connect with who understood my pain. When I finally did, it took about six months before I could even function normally.

It's a tough road but you need to get out there and find another T to talk to. Don't wait. I know you can do this. Keep in touch with us. This board was a true life-saver for me.

Hugs
TN

Tag Teaming you again TN - Get another T as soon as you can, that is my best advice for right now.

The love I feel here has made such a difference.

What is happening now is that she told me that I could stay in group and the two group leaders who are in her consultation group would allow me to stay in group while I search for another therapist. One group leader is on vaca this week. I really like her and wish she was here. The other group leader is in town and I left a message with her on Monday to call me. ONe of the group members asked her to call me (I had no idea this group member was going to do this) she said that the group lead (GL) said that she would check her messages and get back to me. Then I was in the building on Tuesday for a whole different reason. I stopped up and left a message with one of her receptionists to call me. Then I met with a psychiatrist on Wednesday and he said he works with her and would ask her to call me. It is now Thursday and I have not gotten one call from her. I can't tell you how much more pain this has caused. I feel absolutely forgotten during this horrendous pain. I have no idea what is going on. I finally left a message for the vacationing GL who I really like. I guess she won't be back until Monday or so. I hope to God she contacts me. I feel so humiliated and forgotten by them.

(((Turtle)))

I want you to think about this for a moment. You said you like the group leader that is on vacation this week. Well maybe the fact that the other person hasn't gotten back to you is Gods way of making sure you end up with the group leader that you like? Sometimes things happen for a reason - even if that reason is hard to see. Spend the next while visualising the person that you like contacting you and don't use any more energy thinking about the reasons why your second choice isn't contacting you.

Turtle it will all work out in the end - I'm sure of this.

B2W

turtle... it's great to hear from you. I'm sorry that you have not been contacted during this really painful time. Are you hoping to see one of these group leaders for individual therapy? I was not sure why you were contacting them. Was the P you saw of any help to you? Did you tell him what happened?

The first days after a term are really difficult ones and you need to take good care of yourself and try to get some rest if you can. Try to eat to keep up your strength.

If you don't hear from these group leaders can you contact other Ts out there to meet with. I think the thing that helped me the most in those first days was just having a T, any T, to talk to and tell my story. I told it over and over again and this was the only relief I got in those first weeks. I didn't end of staying with any of those first T's I saw but it was helpful to get my emotions out and also to have some basis of comparison for the T I really wanted to stay with.

We are here for you, turtle.


TN

(((((((((((((Turtle))))))))))))))

Hi Turtle I haven't been on the forum in a really long time, but just popped my nose in today to check things out and saw your thread. You've been getting a ton of awesome support and I'm so glad to see that I just wanted to add my voice to everyone else's, in big part because I was also terminated abruptly from a T who was in over his head. When I read your description of the pain it sounds very familiar, and I am SO SO sorry you are experiencing this. It is truly horrendous. Keep writing here and getting support. That is what I did and, thanks to the ongoing support here, I managed to find a T who DID understand how to do the work I needed to do. This isn't your fault at all, your T handled this extremely unethically. The pain is truly awful, but I also want to let you know, with time and support and a better T for you, it will pass. Again, I am so sorry for the hurt she is putting you through. You deserve better.

More hugs,
Strummergirl

((((Turtle))))

I don't have a whole lot offer except a lot of 's.

Let us know how your doing??

(((Turtle)))
Wondering how you are today. If you can post post we'd all love to hear from you. We're here for you!!!!
Mudddd

((turtle)) just wanted to send you some support and hugs

hope you are doing okay and being kind to yourself during this awful time.

Turtle, I have reading about what happened to you and I wanted to let you know how sorry I am. I hope you are doing the best you can. It scared me to read about it. How can someone in the helping profession be so callous. Be as strong as your able and take care.

Thinking of you, turtle. Wishing you comfort and peace. I hope you've been able to sleep and maybe eat a little something. Please be gentle with yourself.

((((turtle))))

I just checked back here today. I am so touched by the overwhelming response from this forum. You guys have reached through the virtual world and essentially given me a great deal of support and care. Something I so desperately need right now. You touch my heart. You really do.

I was doing better. My sister was in town and I spent time with her and I went out with a friend etc but this weekend I have been alone mostly and even so I was doing better. Then I finally heard from the T who is one of the leaders of our group. She is the one I am not so fond of.She said she had brought my number with her on a vacation and she transposed the numbers so she didn't have my correct number. I guess I can understand that.

Well she told me that I have to find a new T in order to stay in the group. That they would give me a limitted amount of time to find a new T and if I didn't find one by then than I would be out of the group. It's a DBT group so that is why I need to have a therapist to be in there. I don't know why but that upset me allover again. I was settling down. Even accepting that my T had dumped me. But to have to look for a new T right now seems overwhelming. Also I thought they were going to help me find a T but I it seems it is entirely up to me. So now I believe that not only did I lose my T but I lost group too. Suddenly I feel so angry at my T for doing this. All this work for nothing. I guess my life and my time are just a joke. This is like torture.

(((turtle))) I'm so sorry. It must be really painful, after all this, to be given an ultimatum to find a new therapist, yet no support in doing so. Maybe when the T from the group that you like comes back to town, you could ask whether she could help you get some referrals. Did your old T give you any referrals when she terminated as she was supposed to? We're all still here. I wish there were more we could do. I know a lot of people here have been through what you're going through now, so I really encourage you to keep leaning on people who really understand and their wisdom from being on the other side of the initial crisis of a T abandonment.

Hi you guys.

I feel guilty like I dropped the ball on you guys. I kept meaning to come back here. The overwhelming support and concern and care you showed me made a huge difference in my survival the first week my T left me. I do not know what I would have done without you. I want to address each of you indvidually but I have been so scatter brained that it's difficult to do. I suspect its from being overwhelmed with grief and surprise etc. I have not found a new T yet but I am still looking.

The group therapist who is helping me find a new T suggested that I see this male therapist. She said he is great etc. She thinks we would work well together. The thought of seeing a male therapist made me cry. Tears were pouring down my face. I can't even imagine seeing a male T. I have so many issues with men. I really doubt that I would even care to make appointments with him. I mean I'd probably not even show up half the time. I hope I don't insult anyone here. I know men can be wonderful human beings and I know that many women here work with a male T. It's just my history has caused me to have a lot of issues with men. Trusting a man would be a monumental effort for me.

Okay so my question is can you imagine working with a therapist of a different gender than you are used to?

That would scare me Turtle. I have a female T. and it works well for me, but then I've never had a male T.

(((turtle))) I think, almost three-years-ago, when I started, I could not at all imagine working with a female ever. I think...now...I'm still not ready, but I can imagine there will be in a time in the future where I'll have a lot of work to do around learning to feel safe relating to women. I mean, that's half the population I'm terrified to get close to relationally, so I'll have to deal with it eventually. Still, I'm not quite there yet, and it would probably take a very special T for me to not either shut down or run like hell.

Hi RB,

Yes that is it. It does scare me. I had a very strange father who was incredibly violent and abusive. All of my life I have been avoident of men in general. I mean I have had men as friends but I never get very close to them at all. It just seems that seeing a male right now with all that I am dealing with would be an added burden that I may not be able to handle very well.

Hi turtle... I think you should give it a try. It may be just what you need! You can always quit if you feel it's not working out.

I said I would never see a FEMALE T yet when my oldT abandoned me I went to see this female T that I called D back then. It was not as bad as I thought it would be. She was nice and I saw her for ten sessions. What caused me to leave her had nothing to do with her being female but she betrayed me in a meeting with oldT, just lied to me and I felt that destroyed any possibility of trust with her, especially since I had just come from a betrayal from oldT. In retrospect, she also did not have the psychodynamic trauma based experience that I would have needed to heal.

I have a serious abuse history with men, yet I see a fabulously wonderful male T. I woul dnot have survived without him. He has never hurt me and has protected me and nurtured me. Yes, men can be very nurturing and gentle. I love him to pieces (can you tell?)

I would happily support you in seeing this male T, especially since he comes recommended. There is at least one other member here who said she would never see a male T and finally she tried one and it's going very well.

Hugs,
TN

quote:

and it would probably take a very special T for me to not either shut down or run like hell.

That sums up exactly how I feel about working with a male T. I get it too about half the population. It sure makes life difficult when one gender is frightening to you. Sigh. I am now getting worried that I will not find a new T. It's not been easy.

Well Turtle, I think TN has some good points to ponder.

quote:

I would happily support you in seeing this male T, especially since he comes recommended.

Yes he does come highly recommended and in fact is someone who is not taking new clients but is willing to make room for me because this other T (who is well known for her work with Marsha Linehan) has asked him to see me. She tells me that he has a great sense of humor. That is dry and that he is very caring. She said she felt that I would have a different experience with him than I have had with other males in my life.

My first thoughts other than the tears pouring down my face (which I have yet to understand why) is that he will judge my appearance because that's what men do. That he will treat me based on how I look rather than who I am. (I realize that this is my own issues speaking here) but I have had men tell me that they are visually motivated in relationships. So to me right there that would be an issue. Like he'd think I was not worth any effort because I may not be the barbie Doll type or what have you. My next thought is would I even begin to attach to him in any way? It would be interesting to see exactly what I would say to him. This is all so strange.

As scared as I would be, and reading what you wrote, I think you should try.

quote:

I have a serious abuse history with men, yet I see a fabulously wonderful male T. I woul dnot have survived without him. He has never hurt me and has protected me and nurtured me. Yes, men can be very nurturing and gentle. I love him to pieces (can you tell?)

I've always done much better with men than women, but I also have a serious history with them (I feel physically unsafe with men, emotionally unsafe with women), and my T has been so kind and gentle and patient and caring and I've never had anyone be able to get through so many of my defenses to know me so well.