(((SD))) I am so sorry. I still hope you get the wrap up sessions and I'm glad that you are considering seeing another T to work through this. I think you have a good start on your list. I wish I could be more help as to what to look for, but I have never gone T shopping myself. I kind of fell into my T's care rather accidentally, because he was H's T first...and just got very lucky that he was a great fit for me. You're definitely in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you are able to rest a bit more.

(((SD))))

You really wrote quite a comprehensive list. Even if OldT is not experienced enough, at least maybe you can use her for a springboard to a newT who is and/or she can make recommendations. 32 is young in a T. I like the experienced ones myself. Lots of experience would be a must. Even if they are fairly stable at 32, I don't think they have enough of themselves sorted out at that age. That explains a lot in terms of the whole friendship stuff and the lack of boundaries there. She just didn't *get* it.

xoxo

Liese

Thanks Yaks.

Liese - you wrote exactly what I was thinking of in the past 3 hours.

I managed to track down OLD T - she has just moved toa new practice and this would be better for me. I just emailed her and gave her a brief overview and what I needed long term and in the next 2 days. I have asked her to contact me tomorrow and to offer me some very short term "holding" support over the next few days / week.

I told her my issues, my fears about finding a new T. I aired my concerns - that it would be convenient if OLD T and I clicked, but what if we didnt? I said we had a potential conflict of interest and that i had to make sure that she had good ethics and boundaries and was clear and open with me.

I said it all.

ANd......a clin psych who works at the new practice is a specialist in Borderline Personality Disorders and runs a huge program (that i knew nothing about) - a 12 month treatment group for it. So if I do have it - I also have an immediate resource. If I do bond with OLD T - then OLD T has a colleague with expertise about it.

OLD T - lists as her specialties - Personality disorders and suicide (and lots of others) - so she won't be inexperienced.

32 was too young - she might have been good, but she is a baby. OLD T is my age.

God, how I hope that she calls me tomorrow and can see me urgently. I am just going to cry and blab stuff. She won't know what hit her.

I am doing ok, aren't I? I am on the verge of a major cry session, but i am doing ok.

SD... you ARE doing fine. You will be fine. I didn't know she was only 32. That IS young and I don't know that she had the experience to understand the importance of boundaries and how important her role was in your life. You mention that she had a supervisor but unfortunately it does not seem that she discussed this with her supervisor until the very end.

In my case, I specifically searched for a mid-fifties male who had very specific experience in the areas where I needed help. I am happy I was so selective as it paid off in a big way.

Hang in there.
TN

(((((SD)))))

You're not only doing fine, you're doing amazingly well considering everything that just happened. I'm so glad you found some resources. If OldT deals with personality disorders and suicide, she sounds like one tough cookie.

xoxo

Liese

Thanks TN and Liese.

Yes, she is a tough cookie i guess.(and needs to be to take me on!) .. She also specialises in DBT therapy as well as CBT, ACT and IPT, brief therapy etc. The dbt makes me think that she is going to be able to help me if we choose to be together. If she had schema therapy too - then it is a done deal.

I think being shattered for 5 days and not eating anything, not leaving the house, not talking, staring at a computer screen for 8 hours at a stretch, crying buckets of tears, losing 3 kg, hair falling out, diarrhoea - all that means that possibly I might be over the very worst of it???

I keep having to write "yes, 32 is way too young, she was too inexperienced - both with boundaries, ethics and my issues. 32 is way too young". Then i know that i was too much for her too soon in her career. If i go through with the meeting - i won't be as hard on her. i think she as learnt enough lessons.

I am starting to take a step away from it all and bury the pain -as i need to do.

Gotta go to sleep now it is 4.30am here. I need to be functioning in a couple of hours in case OLD T calls me.