Hi newtothis! welcome to the forum!
quote:
Now on the one hand I think this would be great because it could help us, but on the other I would not want either one of us feeling like the support we are getting from our own T's is undermined because of some opinion of the other T - if that makes sense.
I think you stated the balance really well here. On one hand, it could help your therapy, for both of you. On the other hand, in could interfere with the theraputic alliance you have with your T. I'm glad your T is
Some of the questions that come to mind for me are:
Do you have a really strong relationship with your T? How long have you been seeing her? Does your T do any couples or family therapy work? (even if not with you)
If you have a pretty good theraputic alliance with your T, then I think it is less risker to have her talk with your wife's T. If she does family/couples therapy (even if not with you) then she would better understand the potential problems in the theraputic relationship that could arise by her talking with your wife, or her T.
Hmmm.... I have heard of Ts wanting to speak to the spouse or other family members, but not the T of a family member who is an adult. I suppose it happens, and makes sense how it could help, just haven't heard of it myself before.
What did your T say would be the goal of her talking with your wife's T?
Have you talked with your wife about it? She would have to sign a release as well to allow her T to talk with yours, or otherwise, her T couldn't even acknowledge your wife is a client or not to your T, and thus it would be a pretty fruitless endeavor. Your wife and her T would have to consider the impact of it.
I think you and your wife are really wise to be seeing individual Ts for yourselves, and a couples T for couples work.
quote:
why else would they want to talk to each other if not to find out a bit of the other side of the story? But is that what individual therapy is for?
That's a really good question. Generally, individual therapy does include figuring out if we are "way out of wack" in our perceptions, but it doesn't usually happen this way, unless the T is seeking input from other family members, or other providers in the clients treatment team... It seems odd that she would want to talk to your wife's T. Has she ever spoken with your wife?
My old T requested, and ended up requiring releases to speak to family and other providers - and even though it was all to better help me and figure out if my perceptions were out of wack or not, she did it too soon too fast, and when the theraputice relationship was very weak and rocky. It didn't help anything. My T did figure out sort of helpful info, but I wasn't really able to gain from it, because somehow, I lost all trust in her. It was a part of and a symptom of the relationship and therapy totally not working between us. However, my current T's have releases to talk to each other, but I'm the client, and they are not speaking to share info about another client, or my family, just their own experiences of me. I have had my a family member come in and talk with one of my 2 current Ts as well. Because the relationship with my current T was pretty solid, and because I was there when they talked, it didn't threaten the relationship at all, and was very helpful. It sort of confirmed what my T already thought, and helped me work through a tough family issue with the family member.
That's been my experience - just how it has worked out for me.
It makes sense for your T to want to speak to a couples T that *you* are seeing. But the T of your wife? Yes, it could help. It also carries the risk of backfiring, not just for you, but your wife as well. It could be too invasive of your wife's relationship and work with her T and your relationship and work with your T too. Just my two cents - and others here may disagree and will likely have better input, but I'd proceed with caution and careful consideration, as you are.
and again,
~ jane