Hi Elly and welcome here. I am so sorry to hear of your sudden and abrupt termination after long-term therapy.

I am one of those who also experienced this type of termination although I prefer describing it as "abandonment" because that is what it was. My T of 3 years abandoned me and totally banished me and my young son for no real reason that he ever discussed with me. I was not being critical and difficult and, in fact, I was improving and getting well. I was happy and my anxiety was vastly reduced. His abandonment caused me to have PTSD on top of the childhood trauma I was already dealing with.

It is clearly against APA ethics guidelines to abandon a patient but their language and reasons are so ambiguous that it is hard to prove. They say that a T can "refer" you (basically handing you a piece of paper with some names on it) if they realize they are treating someone outside of their area of expertise, if the patient is not progressing or getting worse after a long time. They can abruptly terminate if the patient threatens them or their family members or if a client cannot pay them.

I don't have a lot of time right now but I can recommend a book by Sue Nathanson Elkind called "Resolving Impasses in the Therapeutic Relationship" which addresses abrupt terminations. There is very little out there regarding T abandonment because it's their dirty little secret that they prefer to sweep under the rug. Why would they openly discuss how they harm and destroy the lives of their patients?

I am with a new T now for almost 2 years and it has been a horribly difficult road for me. I started seeing him 6 weeks after the abandonment and I had seen another 4 T's in those 6 weeks that I felt were not right for me. For the first year I was so traumatized that we did nothing but talk about the abandonment. I am have difficult attaching to this T and I don't trust him or anyone anymore. People lie so easily. I know my current T is wonderful and he has experience with prior failed therapies and has treated others who have been abandoned but he says my case is by far the worst. I know he is smart and he understands and he seems trustworthy but I don't seem to be able to take that last step to trust him. The fear is too intense.

Here are some links you may want to check out:

http://www.apa.org/ethics/code/index.aspx

http://www.zurinstitute.com/te...ationguidelines.html

http://www.apa.org/monitor/2009/09/ethics.aspx

Keep us posted.

TN

Thank you "True North" for your insights and recommendations/links. I'll definitely look into that book.

I can't fathom being terminated without a reason. Did you just have to let it go or did you try to get some kind of answer through say email or other correspondence. I was told in a very straightforward email by my therapist that my therapy was terminated due to "failure to reach treatment goals." It sounded very harsh and clinical at the time and still does, given this therapist is normally quite kind.

My ex therapist (or should I call her ex ex since it happened twice?) gave me two referrals and one seems to be working out so far. She has experience seeing people who have been terminated and she has also only terminated 1 person in 25 years of practice, so that is reassuring, the reasons for that were I guess for ongoing, unremitting suicidality.

It sounds like you are in a better place with your new therapist. How did you get their name? Did your ex-T give you referrals? Did you ever find out later that there was some reason for the termination that didn't have anything to do with you?

I plan to do more searching on the web about termination and how to deal with it. If I find anything helpful I will post it.

Hi Elly... I was told that I needed to find a trauma therapist and he did not want to be one. BUT... this was more than a year AFTER he knew I had a trauma background. He never tried to get up to speed on trauma or attachment and when I tried to discuss it with him he yelled at me that I knew more than he did. I happen to be a knowledgeable patient. But I WAS meeting treatment goals and feeling much better and I told him that whatever small mistakes he would make in not being an expert in trauma would pale in comparison to what would happen to me if he abandoned me. And he did so anyway.

I had to beg and my new T (a woman at the time) had to make numerous phone calls to get him to schedule the termination session he promised me in his termination email. It took six weeks to get that session while all that time he refused to take my calls or speak to me even though he technically was still my son's T and I didn't know what to do.

At the session which was held to see if things could be remediated and I could go back.... he refused to be alone with me and would not discuss my treatment at all. It was a waste as he was hostile towards me when I asked him questions and that sent me into dissociation and towards the end of the session my new T (the woman) threw me under the bus and turned against me for NO reason. She said she would support me going back to him and then she changed her mind mid-session and left me hanging in the wind. I saw her once more to discuss that session and then fired her too. I did not need another T betrayal in my life.

I saw 2 T's on the list oldT gave me. SHE was one of them. The other guy did not know oldT and he picked his name off a list. The guy was not someone I could work with and I was so traumatized all I did was cry anyway.

The other two I found on my own. The T I am with now was recommended by a friend. I resisted seeing him at first because I was afraid it would ruin our friendship... she is not a close friend but a co-worker. Well, I dared to see him and it was a perfect match as I could ever get. He even takes my insurance. I had a list of criteria that a new T would have to meet and he did on all counts. He never terminates patients and some of his clients have seen him for 10 years or more. He said it's up to me. Once he accepts a patient he is committed to them and he is experienced enough to know if it will work out after 2 or 3 sessions... not 3 years as it was with oldT.

Hope that helps.

TN

((( TN ))) ((( EC )))

TN, did you ever consider filing a complaint to the State board that regulates therapists or did you just let it go?

I just ordered that book your recommended from Amazon. It looks great! Although I wonder if I should get into the theory behind it now or wait until later and focus on processing this with the new therapist.

Anyway, TN, your new therapist sounds great and solid and one you deserve. It doesn't sound like he tried to defend your ex-therapist either. I wish you all the best.

I wonder what the meaning is of the most recent post with the parentheses?

Hi Elly

((TN)) - means sending hugs to TN.

I too was terminated abruptly. The exT and I had a mutual friend - which we didn't know when we started. Long story but it ends up I have a trauma background, attachment disorder and BPD. When i started with that T - i thought it was just depression and suicidal ideation. The more i was with her - the more bad stuff was uncovered. That t was too inexperienced - and was just a basic (but good) t that used CBT. I needed Much, Much more. I needed attachment based therapy - so the more I was connecting to the T - the more she was putting up barriers and pushing me away. I got angry with her about something and went crazy a bit and the next session she terminated me. I was very traumatised. Severely traumatised and I am still dealing with it 1 year later. I went back to a T I had seen previously and as it turns out - in the 10 years since me seeing her as a client last - she had become very experienced in trauma, attachment and BPD and all the therapies required to treat it.

I am still dealing with the termination and it affected everything in my life. My T and I use it as a learning experience as it activated every bad thing inside me!
Somedays

quote:

I am still dealing with the termination and it affected everything in my life. My T and I use it as a learning experience as it activated every bad thing inside me!

Hi Elly,

I'm another one who had an abrupt termination several years ago and it still affects me to a certain extent. What SD said really struck me because the termination affected my entire outlook on life, at the time, and made me examine every possible negative aspect of myself as I initially blamed myself for what had happened. I'm in therapy with another P, mainly to deal with the fall-out of the exP, and while it's taken years to learn to trust again, it has been worth it. Like TN, I saw 3 Ts/Ps before I found the right one to help me with this.

A book that helped me understand termination from many different points of view is "good enough endings." It's a collection of essays written by different therapists and while it doesn't provide direct answers it at least admits that discussion about termination is neglected within the field. Maybe reading about how some Ts/Ps feel during an abrupt termination by a client helped me feel just a little bit better!

These books helped me get through before I was able to allow myself to connect again with another therapist: "A general theory of love" "Between therapist and client" and "The mindful path to self-compassion."

Hope these help - I know it's a terrible thing to go through,
Summer

A very deep expression of appreciation to TN, Summer, SomeDays and closed doors for the hugs. Guess I will learn the short hand on this group.

I saw the references for the books and I plan to check them out, especially good enough endings. I already ordered "Resolving impasses in the therapeutic relationship."

As traumatic as this experience is for us, did anyone feel that by having to feel that way that if helped to connect in a deeper way with the next therapist, or was it only a deterrent--now that you look back on it in hindsight?

I find the bad feelings come in waves, mostly regret and horror. I am focused on survival for now, and perhaps down the road may be able to have a more emotional reaction to this other than shock.

I was at least referred to a new therapist who has a good amount of experience with people who were terminated. I haven't had bad experiences with all the T's I've seen. It is very hard to not blame yourself for what you may or may not have contributed to the demise of the therapy. After this I might feel some anger, which may be harder to deal with.

One question, some of you have said that you needed to shop around before you decided on someone who would help you with the termination stuff. Did you visit just once or visit a couple times? I feel like the one I've met and I was referred to, gives me a hopeful feeling, so I'm just going to go with that for now. Really, the thought of having to flounder around and look for another therapist is something I just don't think I can or want to do.

BTW, this really absolutely sucks. I thought about starting a club on the internet for people who have failed therapy (I have a friend who has been to many therapies and self-terminated them all and now considers herself a therapy failure) But I guess I don't have to start a club since ya'll are here.

Thank you again.

quote:

One question, some of you have said that you needed to shop around before you decided on someone who would help you with the termination stuff. Did you visit just once or visit a couple times?

Hi Elly,

I didn't really shop around, interviewing Ts and Ps because I didn't have the strength at the time to do that. I initially went to a T who had briefly treated a family member and she did help me tremendously in dealing with the initial stages of grief. Had I not known her, I don't know what I would have done because I didn't trust the profession at all after what he did.

Then new issues arose regarding my former P and I felt a bit stuck with her so that's when I tried to find another P to help me through. The first 2 - which I only saw once or twice - were not interested in talking about a failed therapy experience with another P. And then I found the one who just amazes me in his dedication to work through all of this.

As far as having a deeper connection now with my current P after that experience...I am much more appreciative and grateful for what I have with him because I know it is genuine and I feel as if I had to fight so hard within myself to allow the trust to grow. Because I still struggle with fears of betrayal within therapy, even though I rationally know my P would never hurt me, I feel that the experience with my former P was a deterrent.

I'm glad you found a new T that helps you feel hopeful, which is so important after going through an abrupt termination. You need someone to understand the grief involved and it sounds like this person probably does.

take care,
Summer

I too was in no position to shop around. I was in shock and was too traumatised to eat, drink or bathe let alone speak to T's to interview them. I managed to track down my old T and she came to the rescue. If she hadn't called me, I don't know what I would have done.

It is important though that the new T is very experienced and can treat trauma people - because if you weren't a trauma client before - after an abrupt termination - that is what you have now become. This T needs to allow you to talk, cry,be angry and do everything you need to for a year or more to work thru the termination emotions.
Somedays

Elly,

I haven't been on the boards for a long time. But, I'd still check in here and there taking it all in smaller doses. I HAD to respond to you...and come out of "hiding," or running away like I had been for so long, licking my own wounds. I sometimes forget that I could get support here, and also that I could give something back to people.

I feel for you. This experience you are going through is one of the most awful that I have ever experienced in my life(and I have serious childhood trauma issues). I had to come here and offer support, to let you know that you are not alone. As you can see from this thread, all of these wonderful people here have shared in this type of experience. It's easy to blame yourself, but time and time again my T has told me "it wasn't you. It was her." It took me months to believe her. I am finally realizing that it was her issue that caused her to terminate my therapy.

My termination was abrupt, too. I later found out that she didn't want to give me termination sessions at all. She only agreed to it because my beautiful wonderful (NEW)T basically told her that she had to at least give me one. She ended up giving me two. They were all about her, though. Her trying to "cover herself" after she messed up in multiple ways(i.e. pushing a diagnosis that wasn't accurate, failing to set boundaries properly, re-traumatizing me, pushing hospitalization when it wasn't needed), and most of all she had some MAJOR countertransference that I still don't understand today.. I didn't get a chance to really understand what happened. So, termination sessions, while they should be helpful, can sometimes not provide anymore answers. I was just left more confused.

I was also so terrified. So weary of the therapeutic process. I walked into my T's office in pieces. She picked me up, sat me there and told me OVER AND OVER AND OVER(and she's still doing it) that she wasn't going anywhere. Slowly we have reached points of trust that I never had with OldT. We've made it passed the mark of time I was working with OldT, and beyond. She's my rock, and even though I still get frightened that one day she'll leave, she just keeps reaffirming the fact that she's been consistent thus far, that it takes time, and that she's not going anywhere.

I'm not going to lie and say that I don't feel pangs of heartache and sadness on a regular basis. I do. I still can be devastated when I drive by OldT's office, or have a triggering memory. BUT, I do know that I am better off. I am stronger, have a greater ability to function between session, and feel more and more secure with my T.

How to find a T? I got lucky I guess. My old T referred me. That was the BEST thing she ever did for me. She was the reason, and I had to endure that heartache over her in order to land into the safe arms of my T today. I took a chance. I felt so broken when I got terminated that I don't think if I had to search on my own that I would have been able to do it. I hope that others can give you some good advice on where to look for a T, or how to go into different T's and check for fit. I did check for fit or test the waters with my New T. I asked questions. I told her scenarios and asked how she'd respond. I behaved badly just to test her out. Old T had a thing about out of session contact. My T lets me email her all I want, and I text. She doesn't want to process and has set boundaries, BUT she doesn't fight it so bad or threaten tightening boundaries. (OLD T WAS A DISASTER). I dodged a bullet. I really did!

You asked if by having this happen allowed me to develop a deeper connection to my new therapist? Well, I think it allowed a healthier connection to grow. I was weary. I took my time allowing her in. I didn't "fall" so quickly like I did with the past therapy experience. I gave my heart sooo quickly to OldT. New T had to work for it. It's take a lot longer because of trust issues, but I've started opening up to T more than I ever opened up to OldT.

So, hugs to you Elly! You are so brave for turning here. It's a beautiful place to be...and I have been away for much too long...

Hello Old Friends! I've missed you. ((TN)) ((SD))!!! And Hello New Friends, I hope to get to know you more in time..

Love, UNBROKEN <--- Yep, that was a good name change for me. After all this time, I AM UNBROKEN...I'm actually okay with being me.

Hey Brokey Broke - we need you back here supporting us!!!

You reminded me of something. Yes when I went to new T - i was devastated and I too put heaps of scenarios to new T and drilled her about how she would react. I would never had the courage to speak so raw and openly about difficult topics if i hadnt just had been termed.
((brokes))
SD

Hey Unbroken... it's great to see you here again. I was wondering how you were doing. I'm glad to hear you are inching closer and closer to trust with your newT. I know how hard it is after an abrupt termination. Sometimes you feel like you are going absolutely crazy, the pain is that bad. And my T has also worked really really hard for me to see that I was not to blame for what happened. My oldT was incompetent and yes, like you, there was some crazy countertransference going on there which we have never completely figured out. My T thinks oldT developed strong feelings for me and was unable to handle them. Also, that he got scared of me because I was so much more knowledgeable than he was and I exposed his lack of experience and therapeutic understanding and so he needed to get rid of me. I was somehow threatening to him.

I also agree about the termination session which could end up not providing any answers and just confusing you more. I actually got two... one year apart. I got one disasterous one with oldT and the female T he recommended. That was six weeks after the abandonment and nothing at all was resolved and oldT barely spoke about anything relevant and I was so traumatized I was mostly dissociated. I then found my current T and we worked for a year to get me ready for another meeting with oldT and we had to threaten him with reporting him to the licensing Board before he would agree to meet with us. And then, he refused to do it in his office, citing that "I" may have a a strong dissociative episode LOL... he is such an idiot he didn't even understand dissociation in the beginning. And... I think HE would be more dissociative than I would be. He was just plain gutless. Anyway, we had a 2 hr session almost one year to the date of the abandonment in my current T's office. During that time I read him 14 pages that I had typed up, telling him exactly what he did to me and how traumatic and devastating my life had been for a year thanks to him. I didn't any answers to things I really needed to know but I did have the opportunity to say my piece. My T was so proud of me that day for facing down an abuser. He was so supportive and I trusted him enough that I was no longer afraid.

Anyway, what you describe is much of my story too... and the others here. It takes a VERY long time to rebuild that T trust. I have hit some bumps in the road but I'm hanging in there for now.

I hope you stick around Unbroken.

TN

Thank you Unbroken and TN and everyone. I appreciate the support. Aside from us all moving forward and trying to make the best of it, since that is our only choice, I really hope that our ex-T's learn from this so that other people are spared this happening to them. For you TN, I'm glad you got a chance to say your peace and read your letter, and hopefully it had an impact even if your ex-T showed no evidence of it having an effect.

In looking at some of the books that have been recommended here about termination they are all written from the therapists perspective. Maybe one of you can write a book or essay from the client perspective? It might be more accessible to the average Joe. You are all so eloquent and articulate.

What I did in my last session was read a letter I wrote to express everything I felt. I am glad I had the chance to do that. I think that as the months pass, I will write more letters to exT, that even if I don't mail them, I can at least use that as a way to express all the crazy feelings that come up with this.

My fears now aren't that new T might terminate me, they are more that maybe she'll drop dead or something. I think therapy is a risk and there is just no way around it, even with the "perfect" therapist. Having realistic expectations will be my mantra from now on.

Back again to give an update and see if any of you have any further insights. Some of you mentioned that it took awhile to trust the new T after a termination, or that you went through several new T's. I'm finding that because of the stress of the situation I am coming in with more vulnerability which has led to a level of dependence that happened so quickly it feels uncomfortable. Fortunately new T seems to be taking all this with aplomb, she is also much calmer than the last T. Aside from TN who did go back to see his old T and read him a letter, did any of you want to or try to go back to old T to try to get some closure? I feel like I want to do this.

Initially my exT said I was gone and that was it. But I wrote about 3 submissions to her over 5 days and crazily begged for her to reconsider taking me back and gave 100 reasons why she should do that. I said at the very minimum it was unethical that she dump me immediately and to at least give me a wrap up session. She took 5 days to decide that she would not take me back but did agree to a final session. That session was important - really to finish things up for the week - but as the weeks andmonths went by - it still hurt so much.Without it I would have been affected more. So it is worth having a final wrap up session in my opinion.

For me it wasn't so much as closure as that I wanted to say goodbye without it being 100% traumatic, and old T gave me that.

I wrote a letter to her that I read out. That helped a little.

I think a final session is better than nothing.

SD

SomeDays, may I ask in general what you said in your last session? I had a last session too in which I did express appreciation for the good parts, in fact I expressed mostly positive things and now of course I remember some of the negative things. My exT also took 4 days to decide whether or not I would have the last session and it was tortuous. I also read her a letter. Now that even more time has passed do you have any desire to go back yet again, do you have anything to say, or did you feel like through your current therapy that anything you may have wanted to say got resolved through that? Sorry for all the questions. Still thinking I want to go back yet again to try to feel more resolved about it.

I said much the same as you said you did - discussed the positives and I wanted the last session to be about positive things and not full of trauma.

I still see her - she works in the same building as I take my kids to and I see her face to face. We say hello and nod. It is torture, but I see it as exposure therapy.

I did write her a big email about 4 months after the term. I was still suffering badly and I wanted to say more to her and to tell her how I was doing, about my new T and to give her information (ie I had learnt a lot about my condition - that she hadn't known about and I learnt it since leaving her). This was purely for me and for my closure. Of course she never acknowledged the email nor any of it when I saw her next. That hurts the most.

At the final session, she made it very clear that she didn't want to know any further information from me and anything I had to say needed to be said to my new T. I think it would have helped me a lot more if she had been a bit more friendly after the event and over the past year. Mine is an unusual situation.

SD

Reading these posts makes me never want to see a shrink ever again. What douches these Ts are.
EC, I am sorry to hear about your experience. My heart goes out to you. I am going through a change with my T. She informed me I should switch to a different type of therapy and therapist. I feel totally dumped. I like what TN wrote about termination actually being abandonment. She is right, termination is a dirty little secret that T's do not want the general public to know, and they do not want the world to know they can't treat every type of person, and that they are not the know it alls they profess to be. Additionally, I have no doubt the T profession is sweeping under the rug the number of people who are Ts that have NO BUSINESS being in the mental health profession. Isn't there an evaluation test to judge the mental health of Ts before they are licensed?

P Snape, (great name by the way) I'm sorry to hear about your experience--which seems to be happening now to you. I hope that you have a chance to say your piece to your dumping T--if you think it will help. As much as my last session couldn't begin to resolve things, it helped me to feel like I at least said my peace/piece. I think more T's should do better to assess early on whether or not they can help, and then NOT just dump and run in self preservation when they realize they can't but to help us through it and transition, and get consultation if they can't do it with their own skills. I've since heard there are therapists that can consult on other therapist/client relationships and try to help resolve things.

I think the T business should be regulated more as well, like having oral exams or supervision before you can be licensed. It does seem like because of the nature of it and because it is such a subjective relationship, that they can get away with stuff that other professionals can't and the vulnerable are hurt.

Warm wishes and hugs to you PSnape as you deal with this.

((((EC)))) I'm really sorry you have had to go through what quite a few of us have been through. It really sucks and it is one of THE HARDEST things I have ever been through and that is saying something.

You asked a question...

quote:

did any of you want to or try to go back to old T to try to get some closure? I feel like I want to do this.

Did I try? Yes, again and again I tried to speak to her. I sent her mails, texts and letters to find out why she terminated my therapy. I begged her, but NO I was never given the option of ever speaking to her again. She never once anwswered me. I seriously cannot tell you how that affected me and still to this day it affects me. How she hurt me is beyond words, and you want to know the really really pathetic part about it? I still love her and I would forgive her for this a thousand times over. Pathetic!

I'm not sure about what closure really entails, but I guess something must be better than nothing, so if I were you I would at least strive for something.

EC, I hope you find the strength to deal with this and even more than that, I hope you find the strength and peace in your soul to get over it completely.



B2W

B2W, I don't think its pathetic AT ALL that you still love her and would forgive her, it says a lot about you and your tender heart. Boy it hurt to hear your story, I can relate to that pain. The fact that she wouldn't respond--makes me want to go slap her for you.

For all I know mine might do the same with a request for anything more, so I will consider what the benefit might be before trying because a refusal would be more devastating. I suspect I will need to come to better terms with all this before even considering it. I think the way it ended for me so far is that we both know we have positive feelings for one another, which is a good thing, but I think my ex T thinks the failure of therapy was mostly my fault. I'm not sure I agree and closure for me would mean her acknowledging that she at least had something to do with it. A pipe dream maybe, and I'll just have to learn to live with the possibility of never getting that, just like you are having to.

I asked my current T if there was such a thing as a support group for terminated clients, and she said No because its so rare. I live in a major city. Its too bad because getting together with others who have been through this would be helpful. But I'm grateful for this site and to know I'm not alone.

Thank you B2W

quote:

I asked my current T if there was such a thing as a support group for terminated clients, and she said No because its so rare.

I don't think it's as rare as T's would like us to believe. Most who are terminated/abandoned are so devastated they cannot function, nevermind trying to join or form a support group. I was barely alive I was so traumatized. I was in so much pain that even breathing hurt.

I am truly sorry for all of you that had to experience the terrible pain of being abandoned and then banished from contact with a T they loved. It's a very terrible kind of heartbreak that so few understand.

Hugs
TN

quote:

I don't think it's as rare as T's would like us to believe. Most who are terminated/abandoned are so devastated they cannot function, nevermind trying to join or form a support group.

I completely agree with this. I think Ts and Ps just don't talk enough about what happens when therapy goes wrong. There just doesn't seem to be enough dialogue going on within the profession about bad outcomes such as abrupt terminations.

When it happened to me, I didn't even feel worthy to be in relationships, because if this person who claimed to care for me so much could treat me this way then what could I expect from others. I got caught up in a lot of self blame, along with the grief, but I did find a great deal of support online.

It probably would have been nice to go to a group in person and share similar stories, but I wasn't very trusting at that stage as well.

I think we just need to keep telling other Ts and Ps our stories, so the trauma of abrupt termination can be fully understood by the profession.

quote:

I was barely alive I was so traumatized. I was in so much pain that even breathing hurt.

quote:

I didn't even feel worthy to be in relationships, because if this person who claimed to care for me so much could treat me this way then what could I expect from others. I got caught up in a lot of self blame, along with the grief

and too!

If it were not for this forum I would not be here today. The forum was not a replacement by any means of the imagination, but it was enough to make me at least try and breathe. Every breath was an effort. I had NOBODY. I couldn't even talk I was so traumatized. Even now I am soooo far from over it. All I want is for her to hold me

B2W

and same for me for most of what has been said above.

Being able to say here what happened to me and then have about 5 people say that it happened to them and explained what they felt (and it was the same as I was feeling) and what I could expect over the next 1 or 2 years - helped so much. No one else in the world could provide that level of support to me.

I remember quite a few times I was too traumatised and i DID forget to breathe.

SD

Update: Thought I might update my thread ~6 months after initially posting about my termination story. Since I last posted, I have settled in well with newT and so far it has been a great and very different experience from any previous therapist I have seen. This therapist seems to expect and be okay with my dependence and seems to have and be able to communicate a deeper understanding. So fortunately for me, I'm in a better situation after such a traumatic one.

Now that some time has passed I have been more able to process and look back at the significance of what happened with exT. On my last session (that I had to beg for) I wanted things to end on a good note and emphasized all the positive things in the therapy. I still feel there were many positive things. But the abruptness of the termination was just not kosher, I did nothing to justify that, and I felt I should tell her that in a letter because I didn't address that in my last session with any depth.

About a month after my termination, I did write a brief note telling exT that I was settled into seeing the newT and doing well. It was very brief and I received no response. Had I gotten some kind of response maybe I'd feel more resolved, but maybe not. It doesn't sound like anyone here really had any kind of satisfying resolution to their termination either and I doubt I'll receive a response this time either, but at least I'll have given her more feedback that "rounds out" my experience, and perhaps she will think twice before doing this to someone else. I don't think my exT at heart/core is unreasonable or unbalanced.

Finally, I used to think I would need to see her again and have some kind of additional wrap up session to feel even more closure. She even told me at our very last session that if my newT felt it might be helpful to meet with her down the road she would consider it. But now, curiously, I don't feel like I want to, perhaps because I realize now that she never really understood some really important parts of me, and why would I want to put myself through more of that again? In 6 months I might feel differently, but now I don't. I would be happy if she at least acknowledged my letter somehow because I think that would help me to have more resolution, but I won't hold my breath.

Ellyincal,

quote:

But now, curiously, I don't feel like I want to, perhaps because I realize now that she never really understood some really important parts of me, and why would I want to put myself through more of that again? In 6 months I might feel differently, but now I don't. I would be happy if she at least acknowledged my letter somehow because I think that would help me to have more resolution, but I won't hold my breath.

Oh that sounds so good to me. So strong. I understand wanting a response to your letter. To me, it seems cruel NOT to send a response and I don't get how T's, who are supposed to be caring, could do such a thing. BUT, as always, I suppose they have their reasons for not responding. It's just so hurtful, IMHO.

But elly, everything else sounds SOOO positive. It's really wonderful.

quote:

I would be happy if she at least acknowledged my letter somehow because I think that would help me to have more resolution,

I understand what you're feeling because I also sent a letter to my exP about 6 months after termination. It was a card I picked up while on a vacation and I only wrote a very brief, happy message, letting him know I was doing well. When I sent it, I felt like I just wanted to share this information with him, but as time passed and I got no response, it really began to bother me.

I would ask myself over and over, just how much effort would a response require, especially when he had promised to remain in contact by phone after termination, which proved to be untrue.

It's hard not to feel hurt in this type of situation with a former therapist, but the lack of response along with the abrupt termination is the fault of the therapist and doesn't reflect upon you. You reached out to try to create a happy ending, which is commendable after an abrupt termination, so I hope knowing that you did everything you could will help you find resolution.