I would like to say how nice it is to see so many members posting today.
I wish there was a way to place a 'like'
button on individual posts.
button on individual posts.
There is a karma system but it isn't active I don't think
TAS-
I read your story on the other thread and really have no words other than major props to you for continuing to put your life back together. Thank you again for sharing your story.
I hate to be intrusive, but was wondering if anything ever happened to the people that abused you?
I read your story on the other thread and really have no words other than major props to you for continuing to put your life back together. Thank you again for sharing your story.
I hate to be intrusive, but was wondering if anything ever happened to the people that abused you?
CG
Just to put a different slant on things - yes I had my childhood issues that have caused me to be how I am - but I had to resume therapy with this current T because ANOTHER T caused my abuse. There are a few of us on here that an actual T caused the issues or triggered us. Abuse comes in many different forms and done by many different people. And I would say that mostly they are not caught or brought to justice - sometimes it is malicious abuse and other times it is unintentional. The only common thing is that there is a victim who is terribly hurt and who needs long term therapy to help them heal.
Somedays
Just to put a different slant on things - yes I had my childhood issues that have caused me to be how I am - but I had to resume therapy with this current T because ANOTHER T caused my abuse. There are a few of us on here that an actual T caused the issues or triggered us. Abuse comes in many different forms and done by many different people. And I would say that mostly they are not caught or brought to justice - sometimes it is malicious abuse and other times it is unintentional. The only common thing is that there is a victim who is terribly hurt and who needs long term therapy to help them heal.
Somedays
Still no like buttons?
Here is one for the whole thread:
I just hope that Karma really works and that some of you have a chance to witness it.
Here is one for the whole thread:
I just hope that Karma really works and that some of you have a chance to witness it.
SD-
I find that very interesting, however, I feel a bigger sense of sadness for those that were abused as children. Children should be allowed to be children, have loving parents, not have any worries and to know that they are loved and supported. I feel as adults, we are able to differentiate good situations from bad and mitigate them.
I am sorry you have had bad experiences with therapy/therapists, but again, they are just people and unless it was their aim to hurt you I feel like deserve some slack sometimes. While I understand more about peoples' attachments to their therapists, I still maintain that one cannot expect perfection from a therapist as they are humans and as such are allowed to make mistakes and to disappoint us from time to time, are not mind readers and have their own lives and issues that they have to deal with and take care of.
I am sorry that you have had to go through something that was traumatic for you and I am sure you are stronger because of it.
-CG
I find that very interesting, however, I feel a bigger sense of sadness for those that were abused as children. Children should be allowed to be children, have loving parents, not have any worries and to know that they are loved and supported. I feel as adults, we are able to differentiate good situations from bad and mitigate them.
I am sorry you have had bad experiences with therapy/therapists, but again, they are just people and unless it was their aim to hurt you I feel like deserve some slack sometimes. While I understand more about peoples' attachments to their therapists, I still maintain that one cannot expect perfection from a therapist as they are humans and as such are allowed to make mistakes and to disappoint us from time to time, are not mind readers and have their own lives and issues that they have to deal with and take care of.
I am sorry that you have had to go through something that was traumatic for you and I am sure you are stronger because of it.
-CG
Ok. Um, I think you need to be careful in what you say.
So are you saying that if someone hurts you and abuses you as an adult - but they didn't mean to hurt you - then it is ok in your opinion?
No, I am not stronger because I was terminated by another T - I was severely traumatised - as are most of the people who have been termed like I was. As the T didn't mean to hurt me - I just need to cut her some slack and forgive her. Except that isn't how it works for a lot of us on here.
SD
So are you saying that if someone hurts you and abuses you as an adult - but they didn't mean to hurt you - then it is ok in your opinion?
No, I am not stronger because I was terminated by another T - I was severely traumatised - as are most of the people who have been termed like I was. As the T didn't mean to hurt me - I just need to cut her some slack and forgive her. Except that isn't how it works for a lot of us on here.
SD
No, I am not suggesting that anyone should abuse anyone at any age. What I said, was that I personally feel much more sympathy for those who were physically and emotionally abused as children as they didn't/weren't able to get themselves out of those situations as they were just children.
I feel like therapy is as much an art as a science, as it has been demonstrated here, we all react to things different things and require different things from our respective therapists. Maybe your therapist was unaware that she was hurting you, maybe she did her best to help you, maybe she did the best that she was able to do and maybe she had her own issues. I obviously don't know your personal story regarding your therapist, but again, I am sorry you experienced pain.
edited to add that abuse to me is someone intentionally harming you physically, emotionally, sexually etc. I feel as though if someone is trying to help you and they fall short, it doesn't constitute abuse unless they did something to intentionally tried to harm you.
I feel like therapy is as much an art as a science, as it has been demonstrated here, we all react to things different things and require different things from our respective therapists. Maybe your therapist was unaware that she was hurting you, maybe she did her best to help you, maybe she did the best that she was able to do and maybe she had her own issues. I obviously don't know your personal story regarding your therapist, but again, I am sorry you experienced pain.
edited to add that abuse to me is someone intentionally harming you physically, emotionally, sexually etc. I feel as though if someone is trying to help you and they fall short, it doesn't constitute abuse unless they did something to intentionally tried to harm you.
CG:
I trust your post was made with good intentions but as a moderator of this forum I want to be very clear that there are members who who have been abused by therapist so I want to caution you to take care with your responses. If a heart surgeon killed a patient in surgery because he did not follow guidelines set forth by his profession he would loose his license etc., a therapist is no different, they are not simply people. They hold a tremendous amount of power and can either cause profound pain or be our strongest nurturer. I can fully appreciate that you have led a life many of us haven't and its refreshing to know that does still happen, however; our childhood shapes our adult hood, our perceptions, decisions and judgements. Some of us, my self included have difficulty judging healthy situations and mitigating things as adults because we weren't afforded that imprinting as youth. While the abuse of a child is horrible the abuse of an adult is also horrible and when that abuse is at the hands of someone like a therapist is leaves profound, gaping wounds in a persons soul. A therapist is not just an average joe, there is a reason for their guidelines, ethics boards, licensing etc. there are reasons for some many things about the profession simply because by nature it's not balanced. A therapist that abuses patients, doesn't follow guidelines set forth by the profession etc. deserves to loose their license and deserves not a bit of slack.
CTL
I trust your post was made with good intentions but as a moderator of this forum I want to be very clear that there are members who who have been abused by therapist so I want to caution you to take care with your responses. If a heart surgeon killed a patient in surgery because he did not follow guidelines set forth by his profession he would loose his license etc., a therapist is no different, they are not simply people. They hold a tremendous amount of power and can either cause profound pain or be our strongest nurturer. I can fully appreciate that you have led a life many of us haven't and its refreshing to know that does still happen, however; our childhood shapes our adult hood, our perceptions, decisions and judgements. Some of us, my self included have difficulty judging healthy situations and mitigating things as adults because we weren't afforded that imprinting as youth. While the abuse of a child is horrible the abuse of an adult is also horrible and when that abuse is at the hands of someone like a therapist is leaves profound, gaping wounds in a persons soul. A therapist is not just an average joe, there is a reason for their guidelines, ethics boards, licensing etc. there are reasons for some many things about the profession simply because by nature it's not balanced. A therapist that abuses patients, doesn't follow guidelines set forth by the profession etc. deserves to loose their license and deserves not a bit of slack.
CTL
Thumbs down.
CT: With all due respect, what you are saying is based on your own VERY limited knowledge of what people, including therapists, are capable of. Mine was verbally abusive... yelling, swearing, using humiliation as a technique. No joke. Does that sound like something anyone should have to put up with? Would you put up with it? As much as I would like to believe that people are all basically good, that is, sadly, not the truth. It's a shocker no matter how old you are, and I did not have any other support system in place. My therapist was all I had, as I was going thru a divorce and a major career change, school, etc.
I'm with you in that therapists have their own lives to lead and are not mind readers, but putting up with abusive behavior doesn't fall under the same heading as refraining from calling one's therapist at 3 am on a Sunday. I have also witnessed a few on this forum that have been terminated for NO REASON, without an explanation. The way it was done was unethical from any perspective.
There are boundaries and limits for BOTH parties, and unfortunately, there are some therapists out there who have no respect for such boundaries.
If you can't trust a therapist, then who CAN you trust?
Thanks for reminding me that I may also need to work on walking a mile in another's shoes before I speak, as I will be working soon with combat vets with PTSD. (acupuncture)
CT: With all due respect, what you are saying is based on your own VERY limited knowledge of what people, including therapists, are capable of. Mine was verbally abusive... yelling, swearing, using humiliation as a technique. No joke. Does that sound like something anyone should have to put up with? Would you put up with it? As much as I would like to believe that people are all basically good, that is, sadly, not the truth. It's a shocker no matter how old you are, and I did not have any other support system in place. My therapist was all I had, as I was going thru a divorce and a major career change, school, etc.
I'm with you in that therapists have their own lives to lead and are not mind readers, but putting up with abusive behavior doesn't fall under the same heading as refraining from calling one's therapist at 3 am on a Sunday. I have also witnessed a few on this forum that have been terminated for NO REASON, without an explanation. The way it was done was unethical from any perspective.
There are boundaries and limits for BOTH parties, and unfortunately, there are some therapists out there who have no respect for such boundaries.
If you can't trust a therapist, then who CAN you trust?
Thanks for reminding me that I may also need to work on walking a mile in another's shoes before I speak, as I will be working soon with combat vets with PTSD. (acupuncture)
#9: As an adult, you would realize that that therapist was not a healthy person and choose to leave-- that is what free will is all about. Clearly that person was not kind/good etc. Of course I would never put up with that sort of behavior/treatment and would have chosen to leave immediately as that is unacceptable. I am not suggesting that people are all basically good, but that as adults, we have choices as to what we do and don't put up with. If someone has an abusive therapist all they have to do is get up and leave.
I think it is sad that some therapists choose to exploit an abuse their clients, but at the end of the day, as an adult we all make our own decisions about what is acceptable and what isn't.
I also take offense at you calling me naive, but you are absolutely entitled to your opinion as am I.
I think it is sad that some therapists choose to exploit an abuse their clients, but at the end of the day, as an adult we all make our own decisions about what is acceptable and what isn't.
I also take offense at you calling me naive, but you are absolutely entitled to your opinion as am I.
CTL: I agree with most of what you said, however, I don't think the analogy of a surgeon killing a patient is necessarily applicable here. In that situation there is generally clear negligence on behalf of the surgeon. In therapy, I feel like it is much different in the sense of how people react to things. Imagine I am a therapist and I say something that I/most people would find innocuous and it triggers someone else and they make a poor decision based off that do something inappropriate-- does that make me negligent?
In surgery there is a clear outline of what needs to be done or at least a generalized process whereas in therapy it is not nearly as black and white. I think that boudaries are always important and that therapists needs to stay within said boundaries with their clients, however, maybe some people interpret these differently.
Let's say for example, a therapist is no longer comfortable working with a client for whatever reason e.g.. they do not think they can help them, their issues are beyond the scope of their practice etc. is it then abuse to tell that client that they are no longer comfortable seeing them? To me that shows someone who knows what they are and aren't capable of.....
@#9 there is a saying that I love, "there are three sides to every story, his, hers and the truth" -- for those that say that they were terminated for no reason, do you really believe that to be the case? I am sure if the other side were able to tell their interpretation of the facts it would most likely be vastly different...
In surgery there is a clear outline of what needs to be done or at least a generalized process whereas in therapy it is not nearly as black and white. I think that boudaries are always important and that therapists needs to stay within said boundaries with their clients, however, maybe some people interpret these differently.
Let's say for example, a therapist is no longer comfortable working with a client for whatever reason e.g.. they do not think they can help them, their issues are beyond the scope of their practice etc. is it then abuse to tell that client that they are no longer comfortable seeing them? To me that shows someone who knows what they are and aren't capable of.....
@#9 there is a saying that I love, "there are three sides to every story, his, hers and the truth" -- for those that say that they were terminated for no reason, do you really believe that to be the case? I am sure if the other side were able to tell their interpretation of the facts it would most likely be vastly different...
CT: How would you feel if that therapist spent one and a half years earning your trust, (and taking your money) only to violate that trust? Could you, would you find it easy to just walk away? You would not feel violated in any way?
I took out the comment about excusing your naiveté, but can you please at least make an effort to understand where others are coming from before speaking? Thank you.
I took out the comment about excusing your naiveté, but can you please at least make an effort to understand where others are coming from before speaking? Thank you.
#9-- I am sorry for your loss and I am sure it was very traumatic for you. To answer your question honestly, yes, if I felt I was being abused I would just walk away, but I know that many others wouldn't.
I was speaking more along the lines of people who may be terminated due to their therapists no longer thinking that they can provide quality care, are no longer comfortable handling the patient or feel that it is time that the person move onto a different therapist for a different perspective.
Lastly, I am 100% not trying to insult, belittle or offend you. I wish that I could express my opinions here without having to defend every statement. If you have a question about my position on something I am more than happy to explain it.
I was speaking more along the lines of people who may be terminated due to their therapists no longer thinking that they can provide quality care, are no longer comfortable handling the patient or feel that it is time that the person move onto a different therapist for a different perspective.
Lastly, I am 100% not trying to insult, belittle or offend you. I wish that I could express my opinions here without having to defend every statement. If you have a question about my position on something I am more than happy to explain it.
I did walk away, CT, but that doesn't mean I wasn't hurt by it. I don't expect you to be sorry for my loss. I am actually more angry about it, and I don't want to feel as if I have to explain to you the positive steps I am taking to heal from it, because I am tired and don't feel like this is productive for me to have to explain it to someone I just met here.
I feel the same way, that I have to explain myself to you so that you understand, but I don't seem to be getting anywhere.
I feel the same way, that I have to explain myself to you so that you understand, but I don't seem to be getting anywhere.
As a routine member of this board I don't think I have ever heard a member say that there termenation for whatever reason was abuse. It may have been heart wrenching but it certainly was not abuse and like I said I don't think anyone is claiming that.
What I have heard members speak of regarding abusive Ts as resulted in legal battles and loss of licensing and that doesn't happen over misunderstandings, it happens over clear negligence. You can choose to believe otherwise but having listened quietly to members on this board for a good while I can tell you that even if you choose not to believe it, it doesn't change that it is truth.
I am sorry that you are feeling you have to defend your comments however; I wonder if you truly can comprehend how some of them sound? I mean... Blanket statements are tricky to make and I think you have some pretty strong statements that are flying in the face of many members' reality.
You are assuming everyone can identify abusiveness and just walk away from it that its their free will and by stating that you are inadvertently implying that they deserve that which they stayed for but what you are failing to realize is that for many of us... All we've ever know is abuse and upheaval and manipulation so it's not as easy as you may think to look at a therapist and know the relationship isn't healthy and it certainly isn't easy to walk away when the devil that you know is better than the devil that you don't know.
As I said before.... LISTEN to what is being said in the board, feel what is being said etc. you said in your original post that your goals were to be more self aware, this would be a great learning opportunity for you.
CTL
What I have heard members speak of regarding abusive Ts as resulted in legal battles and loss of licensing and that doesn't happen over misunderstandings, it happens over clear negligence. You can choose to believe otherwise but having listened quietly to members on this board for a good while I can tell you that even if you choose not to believe it, it doesn't change that it is truth.
I am sorry that you are feeling you have to defend your comments however; I wonder if you truly can comprehend how some of them sound? I mean... Blanket statements are tricky to make and I think you have some pretty strong statements that are flying in the face of many members' reality.
You are assuming everyone can identify abusiveness and just walk away from it that its their free will and by stating that you are inadvertently implying that they deserve that which they stayed for but what you are failing to realize is that for many of us... All we've ever know is abuse and upheaval and manipulation so it's not as easy as you may think to look at a therapist and know the relationship isn't healthy and it certainly isn't easy to walk away when the devil that you know is better than the devil that you don't know.
As I said before.... LISTEN to what is being said in the board, feel what is being said etc. you said in your original post that your goals were to be more self aware, this would be a great learning opportunity for you.
CTL
I digress and in the future will carefully craft what I say so as not to potentially offend anyone. 
CG -
I think it might also be the way you are wording things - it just feels a bit full on sometimes that is all and I know i feel that I need to justify myself. You tend to give your opinions or how you think things are or should be. I have felt that you are suggesting what I should be feeling about how I have been treated.
There are some really knowledgeable people on here who will gladly offer lots of experiences for you to learn what it is like for us - but if you word things in a way that we feel threatened or judged - we are going to react.
Hope that helps.
Somedays
I think it might also be the way you are wording things - it just feels a bit full on sometimes that is all and I know i feel that I need to justify myself. You tend to give your opinions or how you think things are or should be. I have felt that you are suggesting what I should be feeling about how I have been treated.
There are some really knowledgeable people on here who will gladly offer lots of experiences for you to learn what it is like for us - but if you word things in a way that we feel threatened or judged - we are going to react.
Hope that helps.
Somedays
CG:
I don't want you to feel like you have to 'carefully craft' your words, everyone is welcomed here as we'll as their opinions however this is a place where sensitive and weary people come to seek a bit of refuge. We are only asking that you understand that your world and the world of many mebers on this board are opposites and as such views will be opposite and its understandable. It doesn't mean we hide from it, it does mean we tread carefully until we really understand one another. Relationship and trust must first be developed. It's a community where everyone bends over backwards to help and support one another and you are totally welcome to be part of it should you choose to be.
CTL
I don't want you to feel like you have to 'carefully craft' your words, everyone is welcomed here as we'll as their opinions however this is a place where sensitive and weary people come to seek a bit of refuge. We are only asking that you understand that your world and the world of many mebers on this board are opposites and as such views will be opposite and its understandable. It doesn't mean we hide from it, it does mean we tread carefully until we really understand one another. Relationship and trust must first be developed. It's a community where everyone bends over backwards to help and support one another and you are totally welcome to be part of it should you choose to be.
CTL
quote:CT: With all due respect, what you are saying is based on your own VERY limited knowledge of what people, including therapists, are capable of.
Thank you No.9! I think "VERY limited knowledge" are the operative words here.
CT, I have had my therapy terminated and was never given ANY reason whatsoever. I have been through serious traumas in my life, but nothing compares to the pain of what my T did to me, and do you know why?....I suspect you don't. Because I had never trusted anyone in my entire life before trusting her. She was the very first person I ever told at the ripe old age of 36yrs old. That's right I spent 30yrs not saying a single word - some people spend even longer - these are not easy things to talk about, they are not exactly the type of conversations you have over coffee. CT, you may "know" what transference is within the dynamics of therapy, so did I since I studied some psychology, but I can tell you right now you have absolutely NO idea of what it feels like, and it is beyond your control when it is happening to you. There are SO many feelings that come into that. Feelings that I am sure you have never even considered. Feeling like a child during therapy is not something we choose to feel. It felt like the death of a parent when my T terminated my therapy - worse, in fact much worse. I'm not even sure if you know what the death of a parent feels like - I do, so I can compare it. Except it is not the same feeling as losing your parent in your adult years (not that I am saying losing a parent in your adult years is easy - it's never easy) but as a child you NEED your parent more than anything. The damage that my T did to me by leaving me with nothing but a mail, is more than I can describe to you. I felt like a worthless stray dog kicked and left on the side of the road. I was suicidal, and I am not saying that in jest. I'm going to fly off on a tangent if I don't stop now.
While I appreciate you are wanting to understand things from "our" perspective I have to say I am getting a little annoyed at your comments, where it seems you have already formed your own opinions based on your own presumed knowledge of our situations. If the word "our" is too presumptions you can replace it with "my". I for one agree with CTL's analysis of the surgeon, but then hey who am I....oh that's right, I'm the person who does have the real knowledge of what trauma feels like, and who does know what it feels like to go through transference and then be left to just pick up the pieces and move on all on my own.
Oh and I almost forgot to say...thank you for your most enlightening comment - perhaps you could learn from it too.
Perhaps there was a reason for my termination - I was just never given one - not AT ALL.quote:"there are three sides to every story, his, hers and the truth" -- for those that say that they were terminated for no reason, do you really believe that to be the case? I am sure if the other side were able to tell their interpretation of the facts it would most likely be vastly different...
I hope you get the knowledge that you want, and I hope you manage to iron out your "kinks", forgive me but I have a little bit more to iron out than "kinks"....I'm busy struggling to piece together my completely shattered mirror.
B2W
I didn't read the whole thread, because first 3 pages triggered me to the maximum.
CG please don't do this...if you don't know what we have been through...you cant understand, you didn't walk in our shoes...
We all know in rational, that our abuser/parents/ others shouldn't abuse us...we know the theory, so you can stop patronising us...
Emotionally we are broken, because we weren't allowed or thought to feel or how to feel. What is right or appropriate or what is wrong...
Please do the researches more...be careful with your words...don't judge if you don't know or understand trauma, abuse...
ahhh...can't do it more...I am just to triggered...
Sorry...all...i am in extremely rough place right now in my life..hitted rock bottom in my life...so maybe i am overreacting...
CG please don't do this...if you don't know what we have been through...you cant understand, you didn't walk in our shoes...
We all know in rational, that our abuser/parents/ others shouldn't abuse us...we know the theory, so you can stop patronising us...
Emotionally we are broken, because we weren't allowed or thought to feel or how to feel. What is right or appropriate or what is wrong...
Please do the researches more...be careful with your words...don't judge if you don't know or understand trauma, abuse...
ahhh...can't do it more...I am just to triggered...
Sorry...all...i am in extremely rough place right now in my life..hitted rock bottom in my life...so maybe i am overreacting...
CT,
I am curious what you are seeking by posting on this board? Is it further knowledge about the field you are thinking of going into? Is it insight? Are you looking to build relationships? I feel like your intentions are becoming ambiguous. I don't mean to make you feel unwelcome at all and poof course it is a public site. And as you can see, this site is full of gracious and open members who have all welcomed you. But I think its important that you remember that this is a supportive website full of people who are healing from severe traumas and emotional pain. I can see that your comments are hurting some people and causing them distress. So I would just ask that you remember exactly what your intentions are before posting. We all care about each others well being here and tippy may gain a lot more insight....and probably respect too...if you read and listened for a little longer...if insight is truly what you are seeking...
I am curious what you are seeking by posting on this board? Is it further knowledge about the field you are thinking of going into? Is it insight? Are you looking to build relationships? I feel like your intentions are becoming ambiguous. I don't mean to make you feel unwelcome at all and poof course it is a public site. And as you can see, this site is full of gracious and open members who have all welcomed you. But I think its important that you remember that this is a supportive website full of people who are healing from severe traumas and emotional pain. I can see that your comments are hurting some people and causing them distress. So I would just ask that you remember exactly what your intentions are before posting. We all care about each others well being here and tippy may gain a lot more insight....and probably respect too...if you read and listened for a little longer...if insight is truly what you are seeking...
Lets keep talking here dear (((people))) and find out who this new member is, what she wants and where she is really coming from!! I'm intrigued!!
@Kmay- I am happy to answer your questions. I started reading this forum to gain more insight about different issues in psychotherapy (e.g. trauma, abuse etc.) as I have not experienced them and was looking to read firsthand stories from people who had. I have been thinking about going back to school to get a graduate degree in psychology and just want to make sure that it is something that I really want to do.
I am fascinated by peoples' stories and how they cope and continue to push forward. I am also interested in how reactionary a lot of people are and how a different opinion is often not tolerated by people who have been hurt/traumatized. I am aware that this is a website full of people who may be sensitive for lack of a better word.
I am not looking to necessarily build relationships in the sense that I feel fulfilled with the people who are "real" in my life e.g. not anonymous people on a forum. That said, I do want to be able to to have meaningful exchanges so as to further my insight and knowledge.
I have felt very welcomed by many of the members, but as soon as a question or statement is made that people do not like it seems that many people on here "flip out" if you will.
As I have mentioned previously on this thread, I will be sure to be more aware of peoples' delicate sensibilities.
I am fascinated by peoples' stories and how they cope and continue to push forward. I am also interested in how reactionary a lot of people are and how a different opinion is often not tolerated by people who have been hurt/traumatized. I am aware that this is a website full of people who may be sensitive for lack of a better word.
I am not looking to necessarily build relationships in the sense that I feel fulfilled with the people who are "real" in my life e.g. not anonymous people on a forum. That said, I do want to be able to to have meaningful exchanges so as to further my insight and knowledge.
I have felt very welcomed by many of the members, but as soon as a question or statement is made that people do not like it seems that many people on here "flip out" if you will.
As I have mentioned previously on this thread, I will be sure to be more aware of peoples' delicate sensibilities.
Just to illustrate a point but for the benefit of others, I hope: I wanted to add that I DID ask the verbally abusive T to stop, and he agreed, and broke his promise, and did the same thing not a week later. If I wasn't being lectured about how I didn't walk away sooner, perhaps someone else would lecture me about not giving the therapist another chance.
This is the kind of crazymaking that some of us have been exposed to, repeatedly, and results in this kind of self-talk: "It's my fault.. no, it's not, something is wrong here.. Oh wait, I shouldn't be blaming someone else, it must be me, I must have done something wrong.. NO! I didn't do anything wrong and must take a stance". You are correct in one sense, it is essential to get the target off my (our?) backs. We can only do that by tuning out the um, external noise.
The point here is not about terminations, because there are points CG made that I agree with. It became a way to deflect from what is really going on here.. the defining of another person's reality (which is the truth, none of us are making this shit up) .. telling us how we should think or feel, and the patronizing tone.
I also want to add that I used to be a bit more judgmental and harsh, but have seen much in the past few years, things that would blow your mind, CG, and many of the posters here are not just "broken and damaged goods".. but are realizing what it is like to be a complete human being with a fully developed sense of compassion that could (or maybe already does) prove useful. Quite useful.
CG, please take a look at yourself. Seriously.
This is the kind of crazymaking that some of us have been exposed to, repeatedly, and results in this kind of self-talk: "It's my fault.. no, it's not, something is wrong here.. Oh wait, I shouldn't be blaming someone else, it must be me, I must have done something wrong.. NO! I didn't do anything wrong and must take a stance". You are correct in one sense, it is essential to get the target off my (our?) backs. We can only do that by tuning out the um, external noise.
The point here is not about terminations, because there are points CG made that I agree with. It became a way to deflect from what is really going on here.. the defining of another person's reality (which is the truth, none of us are making this shit up) .. telling us how we should think or feel, and the patronizing tone.
I also want to add that I used to be a bit more judgmental and harsh, but have seen much in the past few years, things that would blow your mind, CG, and many of the posters here are not just "broken and damaged goods".. but are realizing what it is like to be a complete human being with a fully developed sense of compassion that could (or maybe already does) prove useful. Quite useful.
CG, please take a look at yourself. Seriously.
Originally posted by #9.
"The point here is not about terminations, because there are points CG made that I agree with. It became a way to deflect from what is really going on here.. the defining of another person's reality (which is the truth, none of us are making this shit up) .. telling us how we should think or feel, and the patronizing tone."
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@No.9
Hmmm. If you are suggesting that I am telling others how to think and/or feel, I feel that you are sorely mistaken. I was merely stating my opinion. I certainly wasn't trying to be patronizing, more so understanding and compassionate. I was not suggesting that people were as you say, "making shit up", however, I was pointing out that when there are two people involved in a relationship (such as therapy) there are going to be different interpretations of the truth.
I can sense your hostility towards me and I think it is unfortunate that you think that I am merely here to judge you in some way.
"The point here is not about terminations, because there are points CG made that I agree with. It became a way to deflect from what is really going on here.. the defining of another person's reality (which is the truth, none of us are making this shit up) .. telling us how we should think or feel, and the patronizing tone."
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@No.9
Hmmm. If you are suggesting that I am telling others how to think and/or feel, I feel that you are sorely mistaken. I was merely stating my opinion. I certainly wasn't trying to be patronizing, more so understanding and compassionate. I was not suggesting that people were as you say, "making shit up", however, I was pointing out that when there are two people involved in a relationship (such as therapy) there are going to be different interpretations of the truth.
I can sense your hostility towards me and I think it is unfortunate that you think that I am merely here to judge you in some way.
quote:you would realize that that therapist was not a healthy person and choose to leave-- that is what free will is all about.
Now that you know the whole story, sort of, do you still think that this comment was appropriate? Ask and listen first, then talk.
Substitute the word "you" with the word "one". If one is looking at it from a "normal perspective" this IS what one would do.
As far as your second quote of mine goes (before you deleted), we do all have choices and we all have free will. Whether or not someone is ABLE to get up and leave is another story, but in all reality, all that one does have to do is get up and leave (I do understand that this is harder to do for some than others).
Side note: You asked me several questions and I gave you my opinion-- if you go back and read the posts, I am sure you will notice this.
edited to add: After reading these boards, I am more aware that a lot of this trauma runs so deep that it is much more complex then it would appear.
As far as your second quote of mine goes (before you deleted), we do all have choices and we all have free will. Whether or not someone is ABLE to get up and leave is another story, but in all reality, all that one does have to do is get up and leave (I do understand that this is harder to do for some than others).
Side note: You asked me several questions and I gave you my opinion-- if you go back and read the posts, I am sure you will notice this.
edited to add: After reading these boards, I am more aware that a lot of this trauma runs so deep that it is much more complex then it would appear.
CG:
It seems your post is proving many members' points and now valid concerns. It strikes me as... Odd that you are interested in how reactionary a group of traumatized people are and that you are aware different opinions may not be readily accepted... This is almost starting to sound intentional and that would make me really sad if it is. I would hate to think we are being used as an experiment. It would make me really sad that someone came onto this board under the guise of understanding only to cause reactions and hurt. I really hope that's not what is going on here but what with all the backhanded compliments its hard to tell.
Perhaps you really don't intend to come off the way you are, I get it. No one is being hostile towards you... Many of us have shared very intimate things with you in hope that the tone of your message would soften. As other posters have said... We know the theory, we get it but it doesn't change our realities. We don't live in a world of should, we live in a world of is.
Lets try to turn this thing around and back into the productive thing it was for the first half to prevent the subject from being locked. Enjoy your nights
, and your mornings! Iam available by PM if you need anything.
CTL
It seems your post is proving many members' points and now valid concerns. It strikes me as... Odd that you are interested in how reactionary a group of traumatized people are and that you are aware different opinions may not be readily accepted... This is almost starting to sound intentional and that would make me really sad if it is. I would hate to think we are being used as an experiment. It would make me really sad that someone came onto this board under the guise of understanding only to cause reactions and hurt. I really hope that's not what is going on here but what with all the backhanded compliments its hard to tell.
Perhaps you really don't intend to come off the way you are, I get it. No one is being hostile towards you... Many of us have shared very intimate things with you in hope that the tone of your message would soften. As other posters have said... We know the theory, we get it but it doesn't change our realities. We don't live in a world of should, we live in a world of is.
Lets try to turn this thing around and back into the productive thing it was for the first half to prevent the subject from being locked. Enjoy your nights
, and your mornings! Iam available by PM if you need anything.
CTL
I would hold off on the psych degree. And just in case you don't....a few words of wisdom....the first time a trauma patient relives a trauma in front of you. After they are done vomiting, shaking, screaming or sobbing , or perhaps they look up at you from the ball of pain and pure terror they are curled up with on the floor and they can't move...please don't ask them why they are "flipping out".
Kmay: Thanks for the input on what degree I should or shouldn't get. I actually am not interested in doing trauma therapy and since you don't actually know me beyond a message board, I would never be so cruel as to say that to someone who was having a hard time in front of me. I am a very warm,friendly, and compassionate person and if/when I do choose to get a grad. degree in psych. I know that I will make an excellent therapist, but thank you for your input.
I am interested in doing more couples counseling, and therapy with those whose issues don't run so deep. However, I understand your need to insult me. It would maybe be helpful for you to notice how angry you are acting towards me and yet I have done nothing to insult or intentionally hurt your feelings.
I am interested in doing more couples counseling, and therapy with those whose issues don't run so deep. However, I understand your need to insult me. It would maybe be helpful for you to notice how angry you are acting towards me and yet I have done nothing to insult or intentionally hurt your feelings.
CT,
Your right. My post was sarcastic and mean and that is not who I am. I'm sorry. I am reacting to a type of communication that I have never witnessed on this board before. So I will leave this thread now.
Your right. My post was sarcastic and mean and that is not who I am. I'm sorry. I am reacting to a type of communication that I have never witnessed on this board before. So I will leave this thread now.
Yes, this thread does not seem to be turning around as I had hoped it would. The thread is locked for the following reasons:
1: Posts within the thread no longer support the mission of psych cafe.
2: Posts within the thread are not in the spirit of support and healing.
CTL
1: Posts within the thread no longer support the mission of psych cafe.
2: Posts within the thread are not in the spirit of support and healing.
CTL