Hi Halo,
I'm so sorry to hear that you are hurting so much that you are willing to give this guy another chance to hurt you again. While you are waiting for the appointment with the new T, would it be possible to talk to one of the friends, therapists, or doctors who have been telling you to stay away from him?
Here are some reasons to stay away that you listed recently:
quote:
originally posted by Halo:
He made a comment about "some men prefer larger women".
He laughed when I told him I would kill myself if I saw my family on a regular basis and asked me if I was joking.
He had my child at his house for a BBQ without me knowing about it.
He disclosed that his wife's ultimate fantasy was being raped (knowing that I had been molested for an extensive period of time).
He offered to meet me at the beachfront after telling me that he only ever saw clients in his office.
He ended abruptly knowing that I was suicidal and gave me no say in the matter and told me it was because I wouldn't look at him during sessions or meet him in his rooms. If he had said that he would only meet me in his rooms then I would have. He is the one who offered to meet at the beach.
When he let me come back to therapy he disclosed at length his feelings of counter transference (after telling me that he would never ever reveal those feelings, no matter what I said or did).
He gave me a seductive "look" but later denied it, then said it might have been inadvertent, and later denied it again.
When I told him that he needed tight boundaries and that every time he broke a boundary I took it as encouragement that I was going to get what I want - he said that he just doesn't think like that, he is not manipulative (and made it all about him).
When I told him that I did not trust him not to end again and that I was constantly terrified of him ending he said that if I stay in my chair and if he stays in his chair then I would be right. I said that makes me think that there is a chance he might get out of his chair and he ignored me.
When I left he stood way over the other side of the room (not his usual way of saying goodbye). I said "look at your standing all the way over there, I am never ever going to jump your bones" I made a joke because I was so hurt that he was scared of me and I felt like he thought I was filth. He just ignored me.
You don't deserve this kind of treatment, Halo. No one does. If you succeed in "getting" him he will only hurt you much worse than he ever has before. And from what I've read, some patients never get over being used by their T's. I hope you will reconsider and make a different choice.
SG