Just my way of doing things, I would check with my T and see how he felt and respect his wishes. I'm very (sometimes unnecessarily) protective of his boundaries. I also tend to ask his opinion to see whether he thinks treatment related activities would be helpful or not.

Hello

I haven't been around for ages so we don't really "know" each other so I hope you don't mind me replying?

I suppose my question to you would be why you want to particularly see her as a therapist? Is it because she's related to your T and you want to find out more about him or get closer to him somehow? There are lots of reiki healers and so it should be fairly easy to find someone else that wouldn't have any connection and might just make things simpler all round.

I think it might already be getting in the way a little bit and might affect how open to the treatment you will be. I give and have had reiki healing myself and I would prefer to be seeing someone where I could completely relax and not have something else on my mind.

Just my thoughts. You know the situation and the people involved.

x

TAS, your relationship with your T is already WAY too complicated and difficult IMO. Seeing his sister in any capacity certainly isn't going to help the situation, and there are lots of things I'm sure it could set off in you that would make the whole situation feel worse. I almost think this might be yet another way you're unconsciously trying to pick a fight with him...to see his sister without asking him, tell him afterwards, and then get angry if he disapproves in any way. Or something. Anyway, that's my honest opinion.

Not a good move TAS IMHO

You are all absolutely correct! There was a small part of me that was hoping it would be okay.

Just a quick update: I did not go this week...I know it is my problem...but, I feel he doesn't want me and logically, I know it has to do with my past..but the pain is very real. The way I see him, the way I hear what he says, etc.etc.etc. I am having trouble separating him from the issues, and I amtrying...it is just a lot. I am trying to figure out how to relate to him...

Thank you guys for your encouragement and support

i agree with what everybody here has said, and i'm glad to see you open to it, even though you were hoping for something else.

yes, the pain IS very real. this is easy for me to say to you about your therapy, and harder for me to actually do in my therapy, but the key thing is to let yourself feel the pain and talk to your T about it. i wonder if you could not try to separate him from the issues and just bring your painful feelings in and talk about them if that would help you actually get past them.

it's good to see you still around (((TAS)))

Did you Google stalk to find out about his sister and who/where she is then found out where she was or was it an accident?

To me it sounds like a surrogate to be in outside contact with your T - sorta like how the other therapist you wanted to see just happened to share your Ts office. Another way to push a boundary, sorta, even if technically speaking objectively it is not.

Of course it is up to you what you want to do... but IMHO I think it's a terrible idea. Do you have fantasies about this at all? Just curious like if you imagine befriending her? Asking about her brother, nieces, nephews, parents, etc? I know I check myself like that sometimes. My intention here isn't to "accuse" you of thoughts, just that sometimes checking in on our fantasies can really help us see if something may be a good idea, or not a good idea (or if it may be a bad idea that we are totally okay with it).

Reiki is great by the way - I do it (but not certified to do so on others) and my T does as well (and can work on others). It helps very well with mindfulness. I truly hope you can connect with the healing power out in the universe and within you, however and whoever you may do that work with.

CD: I am trying to figure out how to talk to him about it without him being a part of what I would like to talk about...

I haven't quite figured out how to do that...

Catalyst: It came up because he was going to his niece's wedding...I don't know if it has to do with fantasy...just a sense of belonging, perhaps...

Therapy is going to be my undoing. I am looking for healing in any capacity right now. It seems as if I am open to anything to bring my soul and who I was back to me.

Thank you for your kind words CD and Catalyst!

T.

Tas,
I feel like if you do this you would be purposely sabotaging your T.. it would not be in your best interest. You know your T would not like it, or you would have told him.

Just my thoughts ... take it as you want

Ang Thank you.

quote:

I am looking for healing in any capacity right now. It seems as if I am open to anything to bring my soul and who I was back to me.

"Seek and ye shall find."

It'll happen, TAS. I believe that for you. (((hugs)))

Thank you HIC. I am determined. It may take longer than I like...not giving up.

T.

TAS, that is actually the beautiful thing about therapy, is that our therapists DO become a part of ALL the stuff that we're feeling ... all the stuff that we need to talk about in order to heal. and as a result, it presents the PERFECT opportunity for us to talk about what's going on inside ... it is like a ripened fruit just waiting to be picked! but, as hard as it is, it is all up to you. you can choose to share your feelings with your T, or you can choose to hide your feelings from T in order to preserve his own self-image. trust me, TAS, he doesn't need or want your protection. he wants you to confront these feelings so you can be free of them. i hope this makes sense. you really are important, TAS, and i hope you realize that. (((TAS)))

CD: Thank you. My whole line of thinking comes from not making the therapy about him. To stick to what I came in for, if that makes sense.

T.

I think one of the most important things to do in therapy is talk about your reactions to your T and his/her actions...how they make you feel. It doesn't matter if the feelings are really coming from somewhere in the past, because it your T's job to help you talk them through and put them in their proper context.

His sister isn't your answer.

Hi TAS,

I've been reading along for a while - and have a lot of admiration for your stickability. I hope it's okay to chip in here.

When I read these posts I have the image of a river that is DETERMINED to find any way to flow except over the waterfall! Even if it means running backwards, maybe. Actually I think the determination, energy and strength are wonderful qualities that have probably served you very well in life. I think they'll serve you very well in your healing journey too, but they'll be working FOR you more obviously when you get to the point where you and your T are allies working together in the same direction, rather than pushing against each other. That might require going over that waterfall.

I think the idea of not making the therapy about him is valuable. But it's probably not the same as resisting/battling him hard out - that would be another way of therapy being about him. If you're in that situation where it really IS about him, deep down, it would probably be worth just saying it, even to yourself, getting it out on the table. Then you have an honest place to move from. Who knows, you might even get some relief and rest from being able to say exactly how it is, to yourself and to T too.

I didn't want to make my therapy about my T either. I had a very clear idea of what I was going for and what I wanted to achieve.

I chose carefully. I'm fully aware that I am susceptible to feeling parental transference, so I tried to find someone younger. I wanted an adult to adult interaction. I didn't want to feel out of control or dependent.

It still happened, despite my attempts to avoid the situation. I kind of wallowed around in it for months - determined that I would deal with my feelings myself and keep doing the "work" in therapy.

Except, the feelings are the work. Don't get me wrong, I sometimes hate that I have to talk with my T about what I feel for her, especially when I feel hurt or angry. It makes me cringe!

I'm sorry you are struggling with this, TAS.

I think reiki is a good idea. I think seeing the therapist's sister is not a good idea unless she was the only reiki person within a large radius that you could see.
I would not tell the therapist about anyone else I see as I would not believe it was any of the therapist's business who else I saw and in what capacity I saw them.