after seeing the other therapist that i really helped me (i wrote a little about that in the count down thread) i had worked all weekend writing out pros and cons of our work, the problems in our relationship, what steps i was willing to take to make things better (meaning that i might not be ready to go to group therapy but i would be willing to take other suggestions, like the ones that the other therapist gave me) I went into the session feeling prepared, but also extremly stressed (as i have been for weeks).. In my session with the other therapist he said that it would NOT be in my best intrest to stop seeing my T, and i need to stick with him for support (along with other things), while maybe also doing group therapy, and i told him that im not sure about group because that feels just a little too triggering right now, and he gave me another option of a program in my area which sounded okay and like something i could handle right now..

I called that other therapist right when i got home and told him what happened, asked for his help and maybe opinion on IF it is okay in this circumstance for him to terminate with me like that. So i guess now what i need to do is be safe in my room and wait for this thearapsti to clal me back.

MAC,

I am so sorry that T terminated you like that. I can imagine how painful that is. Do you have some friends that you can get together with this evening so that you are not alone? Worried about you...

LG

thanks lg, I think i'm okay. I wish that he could hear that i FEEL right in this MOMENT suicidal thoughts of i cant go on without him and listen to me instead of cutting me off and telling me to call 911. really really really really frustrating!!!! but i guess he's trying to make sure i'm safe? i dont know. but i'm okay

Mac,

I'm so sorry that your T terminated you like that. I want you to know that I support you and will be here with you if you want to talk more about it (I can't remember what happened before this session if you told us). Stay safe and I hope the other therapist calls you back and can talk with you.

Dear Mac,

what?? I might have missed some important history here, - wasnt the terminition planned and prepeared? It sounds like you`re stuck with tons of questions here too, understandably if you didnt knew about T`s plan to terminate you- i am so sorry. I got nothing but more questions back here, but want you to know we`re here and want to support you. Can you say a little more about the circomstances regard to this terminition? How long have you been working with this T? Why doesnt your T think he`s a good enough T for you anyway? Did you want to terminate with T soon anyway? (sorry again if you`re already wrote alot about this somewhere else) The whole sessions sounds really confusing and hard, indeed. Hope the other T called you back, by now and managed to clearify some things for you. Stay safe, Mac! And keep writing to us.

Hi frog, I wish i could answer some of your questions, i'm honestly so overwhelmed right now I'm sure none of this makes any sense, and there are tons of missing parts because i havent really told everyone here anything thats been going on. I'm going to try and make sense of it myself!

Mac,

I am so sorry about this sudden termination. I know that you had a bad session last time (or sometime recently) and that you talked to some other Ts. Did that happen before all of this? Are the three Ts you saw different from the ones on the list your T gave you? I'm sorry I'm asking a bunch of questions, I'm just a little confused. It seems like something really drastic happened recently, but please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong!

I'm glad you're safe and please keep posting as much as you need. We are here to support you. ((((Mac))))

I understand, Mac. Dont worry aobut trying to explain it all. Just take your time. Just know we`re here for you and whenever you`re ready to share some of the things, we will be here. Just stay safe. If you got anyone to talk to where you are, family or friends, that`s maybe i good idea. Hang in there!

Whoops, we cross-posted. Take your time, and don't feel pressured to say anything you don't want to.

I'm freaking out so much right now this probably sounds more confusing and dramatic than it actually is. I think we just had two totally different understandings of what was going on. At first when i told him that even though i was so mad i felt like i didnt want to see him again, I wanted to get another opinion and disscuss some issues that i had about our relationship with someone else, and to that he said that it would be best if we could have a final session but if not then best of life to you. Then later in the week we talked more and he seemed to understand where i was coming from. i saw the therapist that i realy liked, and came into the session ready to discuss things... he didn't want to disscuss anything, he cut me off at every turn and told me to contact the other therapists and that was it.

thank you so much for understanding kashley and frog. I was going to spend some time in my room but i think it's okay to keep posting, since it does make me feel like someones out there!

((Mac)) this is just dreadful!! I don't understand his heartlessness Fingers crossed the other T phones back with some helpful advice - please be safe and no harming!!
Morgs

Actually i think this IS very dramatic, Mac. A sudden terminition like this, sure is. As far as i understand (please correct me, if got this wrong, i probably do missed a lot of stuff in between here) this is what happened; You have been upset about some issues with your relationship with T for some time, and told T you needed some advice and opinion from an other therapist. Yet, you never really wanted to end things with T. (but your T thought so?) And your T replied saying it was better to end therapy right away, after one terminition session. And you disagreed, or? - Then you went to see the other therapist that you liked, which you told your T about later that week, and thats when your T decided to terminate with you? and "cutt you off" - that was in todays session? And he didnt want you to continue seeing the therapist hat you had seen (and told him about?) but gave you a list of 3 other therapists, right?

(please feel free to ignore these questions if you dont wanna answer them, Mac. I dont mean to be pushy.)

thats sounds partialy right Frog, I think... a couple of the parts about him being confused about if me seeing other T's means i want to terminate with him and the us clearing that up all happened over text in a short amount of time.

wait, actually maybe that is all right. I dont know! because I dont know what he's been thinking this whole time.

Oh Mac I am SO sorry this happened to you. It should never happen to anyone. You know that I know VERY well how this makes you feel and how devastated and crazy it makes you feel. I understand the shock and the disbelief and the bewilderment of trying to understand what happened and why. How did this person you trusted and respected could be so cruel and harsh. It is especially difficult when they don't give you a genuine and authentic answer and BS you about stuff so you just go away and leave them.

I'm not sure I understand what happened at the beginning of all of this and I do know that you are overwhelmed right now but please when you can share what you can. It will help us to help you through this. I also want you to know that you cannot think straight for a real biological reason in that your frontal lobes go off line during such a trauma as this. Focus is just gone and trying to make sense of things is really hard.

Please know that I am here and you can contact me off board if you need to talk. As someone who is living this nightmare (but ahead of you by 5 months) perhaps I can help you or I can understand how you are doing from the perspective of someone with this experience.

Please keep posting. It is what has helped me so much. The members here helped me to survive the awful trauma of losing a T. It is a loss like no other loss a person can ever experience.

Hugs to you Mac. Remember to breathe.

TN

thanks TN, that helps a lot, my brain is LITERALLY not working!!

Mac, I am sorry to hear what has happened to you, no wonder you feel so very confused. Please keep posting and receive the support you need. (((mac)))

starfish

Ok, i see. At least a little more of the context. thanks for correcting me. It seems like the confution did go both ways. That your T was also confused whether or not you actually wanted to end with him when meeting other t. And texts arent really the best tool, to handle such important issues, at least not over a short amount of time, like you are describing it. I understand that you are overwhelmed and sad, Mac. Did the other t called you back, or are you still waiting for the phone call?

I'm still waiting on the phone call. I hope he calls back and he's maybe willing to see me. When i left his office we both agreed that it would only be a one time session, even though i really liked him and did want to see him again. But he said that since he wants me to work things out with T, it wouldnt be good to go back and forth and be seeing 2 talk therapists at the same time, even though they have different styles, and i agreed. I guess i'm just hoping now that he doesnt say he cant work or talk with me because of my other T.

And i'm really sorry if i'm not addressing everyone or if i missed questions, I'm not thinking!

Mac,

What happened at your first session after the winter break? I recall something happening that caused you to not want to work with T any more, but you didn't say what it was. Maybe it would be good to get back in touch with those feelings...because at that time, you were the one wanting to terminate therapy with him.

Mac,

I'm sorry that you and your T had such different ideas about what this session was going to be. It sounds like you thought you were going back to discuss some of the things you learned in talking to the other T and to work on the relationship between you and your T. I think LadyGrey has a good idea. I know you were really upset in the first session of the year, so upset you made appts. to see 3 other therapists. Maybe what happened at that appt. is part of why your T thinks he is not the right T for you. Of course that is no excuse for the sudden termination. Keep posting if it helps.

mac, i can't understand this guy. all i can say is, it is a mistake to think that these t's all have their shit together, and that the problem is us.

i know i felt that way when i was terminated, but really, they are there to provide a service, and if they are not up to it, for whatever reason, they either drag you along, or terminate you. my t1 drug me along with no tools of his own, the kindest thing to do would have been to term me, but, he liked me, i was amusing, i think, and he kept at it, told me 18 more months...i terminated the relationship. t3 termed me, but, it was a blessing, as she was not equipped to deal with me.

so, mac, i guess what i am saying, is, it is a blessing in disguise...and i know that sounds simplistic. but, if this man, for whatever reason is NOT able to help you, he needs to pass you on.

BUT, and BBBIIIGGGG BBBUUUTTT!! it is NOT your fault. ok??

an explanation would be nice, i agree. but, they are so tight lipped, and of course...'we' are the ones on the couch, so there is the arrogance factor...and, explanations are generally, if not NEVER, forthcoming.

so, one day you will be glad. and i pray a better t will come along.

i might not be at the end of my t list, either, so, take what you can from one, and move along as you need to.

one thing, my t3 that booted me, at LEAST gave me a diagnosis, that turned me onto better and more appropriate therapy...

so, take what you can, and keep on plugging.

((but, yes, an explanation sure would help...but i guarantee, it is THEIR problem!!)

xxoo, jill

Wow Mac, I'm really sorry. It sounds like it was a misunderstanding on his part when you got upset and told him you wanted to see the other T's, but I don't understand why he just cut you off today and wouldn't let you explain or discuss what you found out with the other T's! I think to terminate like that without advance warning and in only one session is unprofessional and I'm sorry that you are in this position. There are many here who can give you much better advice than I can, but please know you are cared for here and we all want the best for you.

So my T has been texting me these really short messages saying things like "are you going to hurt yourself?" "are you in a safe place?" "answer yes or no in the next 2 minutes" and i keep trying to say over and over again i FEEL suicidial because of you leaving me NOT that im going to actually do anyhting. i told him i was with my mom, but then she had to go, then the next text after that was "do you have a plan" and i replied yes, i have 2. then he asked if i have what i need to carry the plans out. i said yes to number one, and im not sure yet to number two. since he had been asking me about being safe and stuff i thought he meant to do i have a plan of how im going to handle all this, and my plans are 1. writing on the form and 2. talking to the other therapist that i like.

so then an hour went by and i didnt hear from him. then 2 police officers showed up at my door, they said that they got a call from my counselor saying that i might harm myself. i invited them in and told them that ive been working with my therapist for a year and a half he means so much to me, and today he terminated with me basicaly saying i need to call someone else, he cant work with me anymore, and that was it, and that is just tearing me apart. they understood right away, said they were sooo sorry, that my feelings about this are totally understandable, and then the one officer said could you get him on this phone, and i said he's been ignoring me, but i could try and text him, and he said to say "Officer **** wants to talk to you." So i said exactly that. Then we talked for a few more minutes, they listened to how traumatizing this is, and gave me a couple numbers of local places i could call. So then they left and my T never called me in that time. Then about 10 minutes later the officer came back to my door and said that they talked to my T and he said he doesnt want to keep in contact with me because he believes it will propell further how i am feeling right now, even though he said he told him that leaving me suddenly and cutting off all contact IS exaclty whats created the issue.
So then i just called and left a message for my T saying that he shouldnt have been texting me those short answers and demanding yes or no answers out of me because obvioulsy it created a misunderstanding. and then i also said again that the ONLY thing thats created a problem is him leaving me the way that he has done and then ignoring me and refusing to listen to my feelings about all of this.

(((Mac)))

Now I'm mad at your T. How incredibly stupid to terminate you and then text you questions. I can't believe he won't talk to you but he thinks he can assess your intentions by text. I'm so glad that the police officers were understanding and didn't make the situation worse. I'm also glad they talked to your T and told him he wasn't helping. I hope you can find a T who can help with this T termination.

Did the other T call you?

Stay strong.

Wow, I cannot understand why the sudden termination and cold treatment. Did he give you a specific a reason for terminating you?

(((((((((((((((Mac)))))))))))))))))

I am SO sorry. I totally understand your not being able to think right now. To be terminated suddenly and unexpectedly due to an apparent misunderstanding, and then not getting any kind of satisfactory explanation AND not being allowed to work it through, to be cut off like that, is excruciating.

FWIW I suspect that this has a whole lot more to do with him than with you. His statement about not being the best T for you, with no explanation, sounds to me like he has possibly developed some counter-transference that is preventing him from being able to help you. Whatever the reason, whatever parts of the story you haven't posted here, I can't tell you enough how sorry I am to hear you are going through this. But I AM glad to see you posting here so you don't have to go through this alone. You will get through this but it will take a lot of time. Lean on us as much as you need to.

Many hugs,
SG

Ok so i left him another message after that one that i said i left him in my previous post, and basically talked about what the officers said that he said to them, and that im so freaking confused (like i said all during our session) that he has always been there for me and been someone i can talk to if i feel sad or have a problem, and even if he cant be there for me all the time, he will send me a text later saying that he just got my call or text and a nice message, and now when something that i find extremly traumatic is happening you're just gone and i cant come to you, and even though he gave me referals, those arent people i can trust, and i said YOU are the one i think about when i'm sad NOT these other random people that i dont even know. so anyway, he called me back soon after and said that he wants to see me next Tuesday, and that we will still be moving towards a transition, but he has heard how hard this is for me, and he would like to work on these feelings with me. I basically just said ok, ok, ok, ok, ok, ok, bye.

The other therapist has not called me back yet, I will let you guys know when he does and what happens with that.

LG- the reason he keeps giving me is that "he is not the right therapist for me." I dont know what that means, and how he became not the right therapist so quickly, but whenever i try to ask him he wont say anyhting.
I just saw your response, i dont know if there are others, sorry it will take me a minute

quote:

His statement about not being the best T for you, with no explanation, sounds to me like he has possibly developed some counter-transference that is preventing him from being able to help you.

SG- That could obviously be a possibility since I don’t know, but I think it’s more likely that this is his boundaries and how he handles things in his practice. It’s something that I talked a little about with the other therapist- that basically he believes in and practices zero self-disclosure. I understand and I appreciate his reasoning for not telling me any personal details about his life outside the office, but he also won’t discuss with me any of his thoughts around my treatment- if that makes sense… so even if he has legitimate reasons that he isn’t the right therapist for me, he won’t discuss those with me because he thinks that’s self-disclosure which he doesn’t do.

I just thought of this just now, basically as I was typing. I think it kinda makes sense though?

Incognito-

quote:

How incredibly stupid to terminate you and then text you questions. I can't believe he won't talk to you but he thinks he can assess your intentions by text.

I know, the officers were shocked too... one of them said something like, "so your counselor was just concerned with how you sounded about your plans." I said, "I didnt sound like anything, all of this happened over text." and he said "OVER TEXT!?!" I guess when my therapist called to have the cops check on me, he just told them what I "said" but didnt tell them that what i said was actually over a text.

Mac,

I'm glad your T called you and agreed to see you next week. It sounds like he won't share with you why he isn't the right therapist for you and how he figured that out suddenly after 18 months (I hope you can hear my frustration with that). It is too bad because I think that might help you understand and move on. I hope you can get some rest and hear from the other T soon.
Hugs

Hi Mac... I cannot believe your T was texting you and that created another misunderstanding and the cops showed up at your door. At least they were reasonable and allowed you to remain at home when you explained. My cops would not allow me to go home and they dragged me to the crisis center which was a total waste since there was no one there to evaluate my "sanity". My newT said that was totally mishandled as I was NOT suicidal just grieving and in traumatic shock. I think your T is acting very unprofessional bordering on unethical. I would tell you to save all your texts and notices of phone calls. They will help you later with a time line because things are so confusing for you now.

I'm glad at least he consented to meet with you next week to talk. I had to wait 6 weeks to meet my oldT and only with another T in the room with us and then he would not talk to me much anyway. He was scared of me. I do want to tell you that I got the SAME reason for the termination. That he was not the right T for me and that I needed a "trauma" T. My newT says that is a crock of shit. All of that is code for huge countertransference that the T is incapable of dealing with or does not know how to deal with and he is running away and abdicating responsibility for his client who needs him. What I'm telling you MAC that it is about his feelings and about him not you. No T should just walk away from a patient after a year and a half no matter what. Termination is a "Process" not a one time ... here's 3 names find someone else to listen to you deal.

What I don't understand Mac is ... did you see those 3 therapists on your own... did you find them or did T tell you to see them? Did he give you those names? Were they differnt Ts than the names he gave you today? It was today right? I'm somewhat confused as to how all of this started. I did read the other thread where you said you saw other Ts but didn't understand what the reason was other than your T upset you in some way.

I will just throw out there that your T may have been threatened by what you told the other Ts about him and if you mentioned him by name. I think my T was freaked out when I offered to see another T during his vacation and even contacted one. I only had a brief conversation with that T who needed me to ask my T to call him to okay all of this. When I told T he freaked and said I didn't need to see anyone while he was away.

I'm sorry for rambling and would like to offer any help that I can to help you focus and stablize your emotions over the coming days. Please feel free to vent here and keep posting. Sending you hugs.

TN

PS....there is a difference in feeling like you want to die from the pain or actually feeling suicidal. Please talk to us about how you are feeling and stay safe.

Dear Mac,

I'm so very sorry to read all this. I'm @*&%#ing furious that your T has done this, and that he's done it in this way - in these kinds of situation I think that the non-disclosure is the pits, and is making your confusion and grief even worse.

I don't know if this is the time for this, but I want to remind you that you are one tough chickadee, you are a survivor and you have a huge vitality that is going to get you through this. You are going to find a therapist who can help you better than he could, and you will continue through this pain to grow into your amazing self. I don't have any doubt about that.

Thinking of you.

Jones

Mac –

I have been through an abrupt termination. It was hell. It is very hard. And, I can very confidently say - it will get better.
At the time, it felt so awful… I can’t even describe how bad it felt… I was so mixed up and turned upside-down and it felt like the world was crashing in on me. The pain… yeah… I thought (just thought) of suicide too. I hurt so bad. I also felt so disoriented. In a way I can’t even describe.

Right now, a lot is probably not going to make sense for you. The pain just might be so hard it’s hard to see or think straight? It was for me.

Terminations are hard and hurt even when they are well planned, and abrupt ones are even harder.

I’m so sorry you are facing this. And I am so sorry he did it in such an icky horrible way.
Can you go see that T you really liked? Your T is supposed to provide some time to transition and support for that and not just leave you hanging with no options until you can get an appointment with someone else - and I am SO glad to read he is going to help you with your feelings about terminating. That is really good.

I am so proud of you for consulting with another T and approaching this so well, and working like you did to work it out. That was really good thing to do and practice doing in a relationship. I am so sorry he was… well, a wimpy jerk who wasn’t willing to work too. (yeah, I’m a little mad at him for you.)
And – I almost can’t respond to this but my Old T did the same thing when she terminated and I fell apart. I was safe, just really struggling and she texted almost the same thing, word for word, and demanding yes or no and when I tried to send a longer text, she just said “say yes or no or I will call the police now” and then just jumped to calling the police… (ack! So mch context can be lost on text!) and ugh…

If there was some way where your T could just slow down… but in the end, the only thing you can do is take care of you. The more you take care of you, and reach out for help to do that in other places, the better place you will be in to handle communicating with your T when you do - and hopefully the more he will slow down too. And I know, it’s like a horrible catch 22… your are hurting because of the loss of your T in the first place…

I'm so sorry you are going through this. My response is a little jumbled up. (sorry) I may be totally off the mark in all of this – please take my words very lightly and disregard any or all of it that doesn’t fit, except for this: please know that throughout the pain of this, it will get better, and you are not alone and you will get through this. I fully believe you will end up in an even better place in the long run.

The abrupt termination I had a year ago really shook me to my core. I was surprised that it did shake me up and hurt as much as it did – but it did. I worked really hard at making it work with that T, and in the end, it ended up being a really good thing she terminated. It still could have happened a lot better – but still… in the end, the pain of it all got a lot better, I found a T who was a much better fit and I ended up learning a lot about what happened back then (and still learning) and have an understanding about it all that has been deeply healing of very old wounds that were there before I ever met the old T that terminated very abruptly with me.

you are doing a lot of good things in how you are handling this - it was so good how you handled your T, the police, saying what you felt and how you were struggling. (ugh, I am so sorry he jumped too fast to call the police without calling you first.) I'm so glad you are posting and reaching out for support here.

keep posting and reaching out in every way you can.

many many safe hugs,
~jane

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****************TRIGGER: Sex talk *****
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quote:

What I don't understand Mac is ... did you see those 3 therapists on your own... did you find them or did T tell you to see them? Did he give you those names? Were they differnt Ts than the names he gave you today? It was today right? I'm somewhat confused as to how all of this started. I did read the other thread where you said you saw other Ts but didn't understand what the reason was other than your T upset you in some way.

I’ll try and make sense of this, even though it’s really confusing to me too right now! Okay so, our first session after winter break was January 4th. I had some really difficult things happen over that break; I decided to go on a date with a guy and just give him a shot even though I figured it would be a waste of time. We met at a bookstore, got coffee, then we went on another date in the city which was very fun, everything seemed really good, we had so much in common, and so much to talk about. After our second date I broke up with my boyfriend who I guess isn’t my official boyfriend right now, but we’ve been seeing each other off and on for a while now. I was feeling really happy that I had met this guy that I had so much in common with, and he seemed to really care about me and who I was as a person, way more than my boyfriend ever could. Then on Monday the 3rd (day before I saw my T) he asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner and I said yes, we decided where to meet, I went to go get ready, but then I got a text from him saying that he thinks our relationship would turn into only sex.. and that’s not what he wants. I was totally confused and asked him why he thinks that and he said that it’s just a chemistry thing, that he is attracted to me physically but it doesn’t go beyond that. I then texted my boyfriend and said that I had made a huge mistake and I was so sorry for always trying to screw up what we have, he accepted my apology and we’re still together. So because of all this, and the things that this guy said to me, I went into a huge panic/depression/I don’t know, that I am only good for sex, and having sex with random men is the only reason why I am on this planet, and I need to quit trying to change who I am to be someone I’m just not.

In my session on Tuesday (the 4th) I told my T this whole story. The first thing that really pissed me off was that when I told my T I broke up with my boyfriend he got this huge smile on his face and said, “Wow! How do you feel about that!?!” in a very excited and happy tone. The thing that PISSES me off is that he ALWAYS claimed that he had nothing against my BF and he didn’t not like him, because I always had this tiny feeling that he had something against my BF for some reason, but then when I would say something like, “Why don’t you like BF?” and he would act all innocent and say, “What? I don’t have anything against him!!” So I think sometime when I was telling the story and I started dissociating really really really bad to where I couldn’t talk, all I could say was “yes, yes yes” to things when I didn’t mean to say yes.

So this next part is what I'm still really confused about; I think when I look back on the session cognitively everything seemed fine, even really good, but because I was dissociating (I think) everything that he said felt traumatizing. He kept saying over and over and over again that my purpose is NOT just sex, and I am so much more than that, that he knows me better than anyone in the world, we have worked together for 18 months and he KNOWS I am worth more than sex, because he sees who I really am. Even as I type this I wonder why the HELL I had a problem with what he was saying, and even though the actual words that he was saying were fine I found the whole session really traumatizing, I felt like he wasn’t letting me speak, he was forcing ideas on me, and I felt trapped and controlled. <---- all feelings that are extremly triggering because of past traumas.

When I got home I can’t even explain exactly what I was thinking, but I just KNEW I wanted one session to talk to someone totally SEPARATE from my T, so that I could try and figure out some stuff- One of the problems I was having was the thing that I mentioned earlier about his rules on self-disclosure, so I really had no idea what his qualifications were on trauma, or what experience he had or anything because he won’t talk about any of it. I wanted to talk to someone else about this because when I’ve tried to talk to my T about it I get nowhere. I was also just in general having a hard time with knowing the difference between transference and attachment to my T vs. him REALLY being the right person for me.

Sorry, I’ll try and make this shorter. So even though I literally only wanted one session with one other T I decided to contact a bunch of T’s and make appointments with several because I figured there would be a few duds in the batch, and I wanted to make sure I found a good T, even if it was only for the one session. I just typed in “therapist, my city and state” on Google and went searching through websites. My 3rd appointment was AMAZING! It was EXACTLY what I had hoped for and more. We talked about tons of things and at the end he told me that he thinks I should definitely stay with my T, but also maybe try some trauma focused worked and gave me a reference of a program near me. I worked really hard all weekend figuring out exactly what I was going to say to T, how I was going to approach it, and I also wanted to be clear about what was working and what wasn’t working in our relationship. So then I went into therapy today, and then you all know the rest.

quote:

I am so proud of you for consulting with another T and approaching this so well, and working like you did to work it out. That was really good thing to do and practice doing in a relationship. I am so sorry he was… well, a wimpy jerk who wasn’t willing to work too. (yeah, I’m a little mad at him for you.)

Thank you for saying this, Jane. I will try really hard to believe it. I dont even know how many times i've apologized to my T today. At one point I sobbed and sobbing while trying to say "I'm so so so sos so so sorry for anything i did" I know that there’s some wrong turn I took, or something that I said wrong that is the reason that my T did this. He said it wasn’t my fault, but I have no idea how to believe that when he won’t tell me any reason why he terminated.


Thank you Jones for your kind words. I know i'm strong

quote:

One of the problems I was having was the thing that I mentioned earlier about his rules on self-disclosure, so I really had no idea what his qualifications were on trauma, or what experience he had or anything because he won’t talk about any of it. I wanted to talk to someone else about this because when I’ve tried to talk to my T about it I get nowhere. I was also just in general having a hard time with knowing the difference between transference and attachment to my T vs. him REALLY being the right person for me.

Mac thanks for putting things in a more chronological order so I could understand how the other Ts you saw came to be.

What I wanted to note is in regard to what I quoted above. Your T's "rules" on self-disclosure are a bit skewed. It is NOT self-disclosure to discuss his prior training and experience with issues such as trauma and attachment. It is not even unethical to self-disclose in appropriate situations personal information. As long as it's done for the benefit of the client and not to satisfy the need of the T. It's a big red flag if a T won't discuss their training and experience and background. I immediately wonder "what is he hiding?" This is all part of your doing due diligence on finding the right T for you. How can you judge if you are not allowed to know anything about him?

I would guess that your T does not have a lot of experience in trauma work or he would be open and willing to share that with you. As with my oldT, he may feel that he got in over his head but still... that is no excuse for abandoning a long-time client. THAT is unethical on his part. What he should have done was seek supervision himself or consult with other Ts to get advice on how to handle your case. Instead he screwed up and walked away from you, injuring you.

I know you will see him again on Tuesday. In the meantime take a deep breath and try to focus and write down a list of questions you want to ask him... even if you don't get verbal answers you can read things from his reactions. Be polite but ask what you need to know and say what you need to say.

Sorry you have to go through something like this.

TN