Thanks TN, I want to bring up how I feel about his self-disclosure, I just know that it wont go anywhere, and he will either just stare at me and not say anything or say "I am not the best therapist for you". Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I really dont want to plan out anything for next Tuesday because I've already done that for today and I didnt get to say anything.

thank you DF, hugs back

Hi Mac
It is early morning where i am and i have just caught up on what has happened to you. OMG, i am so sorry and horrified. I got to read the whole thing is one go and i cannot tell you how shocking his behavior and reactions have been.

For me, the worst thing is that break or like shift in reality, you spent the weekend planning and getting clear on what you wanted to say and how to approach it and he blindsides you like this. The shock of that alone never mind his appalling handling of your feelings must be very hard to bear.

Oh Mac, it is heartbreaking, i don't know you well on the forum but your spirit and intelligence comes across in every post. Like TN said the shock affects your ability to think clearly and make sense of things and i hope that with a bit of time you will be able to get your balance back enough to keep your head above water.

I wish there was a great big universal undo button and that i could somehow take this awful anguish away for you. Even in the midst of this you are being so sensible, hang on to that as much as you can, it is a great strength of yours.

Lots of love and support
Pan

Oh Mac this whole thing sucks! I'm so so sorry you're having to go through such a sudden and shocking termination with a T you (quite rightly) believed was there for you. I admire the way you are handling it all, kudos to you.

The biggest thing that must be putting you in a spin is not knowing his reasons for terminating, and I'm glad he has relented and is going to see you again (who knows, maybe by next Tuesday he will have had time to rethink his behaviour and reasons, or at least will give you some idea of what this is all about.) It sounds though like he has panicked about something and has now put himself into a position where he's looking out for number one (ie himself) so maybe the whole way he has behaved is showing that actually, he ISN'T the therapist for you (sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear right now

Wanted to explain a parallel with the situation with my previous T (I don't know what approach your T has, was it psychanalytc?) I took a break from my last T to think about things and to try and work out whether it was right for me and whether I could handle it, and like you, saw another T during that break and decided that yes the relationship could work and would be right for me, tried to get back to see him and whammo I got a letter telling me simply that he had no spaces available. Not even an anodyne giving nothing away reason as to why he had no more 'space' for me. In retrospect I think that it was my questioning his capability as a T that offended him, or made him feel insecure or something - and it sounds to me like your T's sudden rejection (which is pretty blatantly what it is) might have something to do with his perceiving you to be apparently questioning his capability as a T - especially as you went to see other Ts, and also say he wouldn't tell you whether he has experience of trauma. It really does sound like something like professional insecurity here. Of course that's just me trying to guess - but whatever his reasons, he is totally out of order suddenly terminating you without discussing the reasons properly with you.

I really hope you can get some explanations and a resolution of some sort when you next see him. ((((( Mac )))))

LL

Mac,
I am so sorry for what your T is putting you through, this was badly bungled and I'm sorry for all your pain and confusion. If I remember right, your T hasn't been practicing all that long? I think he got in over his head and panicked. I'm sorry that you're having to pay the price of that. Please keep posting, there are a lot of people here who understand how painful and intense this is for you.

AG

Thank you AG, draggers, LL, and Pan.

I think I might try and bring up doing the programs at the center that the other therapist suggested. I just looked at their website again to make sure I remebered clearly and it says under the "who we can help" section those who think that their current therapy would be enhanced by our services. And then also under "who we can't help" it says that none of their therapist offer outside contact, and if you think that you need a therapist who offers this level of care then we arent the best place for you. They offer DBT groups, EMDR for trauma, and workshops for trauma. What i thought was that i could stay with my therapist for talk therapy, support and outside contact, while also being involved with the programs at this center.

If after explaining all that I still hit a brick wall, I dont know if it would help (and i think it could make it worse and make him shut down even more) if i bring up there being an issue with counter-transference.

I have no idea, I'm just going to wait and have these ideas in the back of my head and see how next tuesday goes.

Oh and the other therapist never called me back, so maybe he will today.

Mac,

I don't understand how this new place can offer DBT and EMDR for trauma....but they don't want to work with people who need outside contact?! It seems to me they are working with the wrong population to have that kind of a policy in place!

Ya it sounds totally confusing sorry, I'm trying not to say too much about it, since it's a local program, it would just feel too revealing to try and explain more! And its probably irrational but I just dont want to say too much about the program and then have people be able to google it. But its a low-income program basically for people who just need something extra- in the description they said that this is a place for people who have normal day to day lives, but would like extra help learning skills for emotional regulation and stuff like that. They dont offer crisis prevention or anything like that.

How are you doing, Mac? Thinking of you!!

Thanks! I'm okay as I can be.

He sent me an email about an hour ago, I just got it, he said that he got my message but hasnt had time to respond.... The email that he sent was totally confusing though... I thought I explained that my therapist terminated me in one session as in goodbye we will never see each other again... but the email was about how I should check out the programs at the place I was talking about, and that although he works with trauma it’s not his area of expertise and he thinks my work with someone else should be trauma focused and it’s not beneficial to anyone to have two T’s? ... did he not hear that my therapist terminated me? I emailed him back to try and clear things up and ask him exactly what he meant.

Mac, I agree with DF's interpretation of the confusing message you received from the other T you contacted.

I think your old T should continue to see you until you find a new counselor. That is total abandonment which, in my opinion, is unethical.

Maybe. I thought i said in my message that i wanted his opinion on my termination, not to start therapy with him, but maybe not or he misunderstood. I dont want to start a new theraputic relationship. I remember saying that I wanted a little support or validation, which maybe he didn't want to give me any because he thought I was trying to start therapy with him full time? I'll just wait to see what he says.

Mac,

I'm sorry about the confusing reply you received. I hope your email back clears things up and he responds again in a way that helps you.

quote:

Originally posted by Mac:
Maybe. I thought i said in my message that i wanted his opinion on my termination, not to start therapy with him, but maybe not or he misunderstood. I dont want to start a new theraputic relationship. I remember saying that I wanted a little support or validation, which maybe he didn't want to give me any because he thought I was trying to start therapy with him full time? I'll just wait to see what he says.

Hmm. It almost sounds like he doesn't want to get in the middle of a situation that is undoubtedly going to be charged with intense emotions. Coward! I hope you can find someone soon who is able to help you through this horrible situation your T has put you in.

Thank you for your thoughts, those points you made about group therapy and deciding later what's best are very true. Ya… I really regret the consultation thing.

Mac, I know you regret the consultation now because of what happened, but why should a good T be so threatened by a client seeking a second opinion or clarity on a topic that they abruptly abandon the client with no explanation other than I'm not the T for you?

In the medical model (i.e. with doctors and surgeons) seeking a second or even third opinion or consultation is quite normal, accepted and even encouraged. Why is the profession of psychology exempt from this? Why are patients of Ts and Ps punished for going for consultation?

I asked newT about this today and he said that when he was first starting out a patient who did that may have shaken his confidence or hurt his feelings but he would not terminate the patient... or abandon them. It would be a topic of deep conversation though to find out why and what happened.

Hope you are doing okay.

TN

I know, it should all make sense but it doesnt. It should be fine that I had consults with other T's. The thing that I regret the most about it is not communicating clearly to my T. I now think he thought I was seeing other T's because I didnt want to see him anymore. I have wrote a page long explanation to my T of what exactly I was thinking about seeing those other T's and I'm going to start off next session trying to explain it. I think or am guessing that we just completely lost communication... and what i'm actually hoping is that he was under the impression that I was ready to terminate the week before. I dont know if I'm just being way too hopeful though.

Hi Mac... just wanted to pop in and see how you are doing. I know you have your session tomorrow and I wanted to wish you luck. I will be thinking of you.

I know it's hard but try to go in expecting nothing from him. Hopefully, things can be remediated and reconciled but if it looks like that won't happen, my advice is try to find some closure. Ask your questions, even if they don't get answered. Say what you need to say.

I wish you the best.
TN

I'm also thinking about you tomorrow Mac. I hope that you can get some closure or resolution about things.
Di

Mac,

Sending lots of positive juju your way for your session tomorrow!

thanks , be back later

Good luck, Mac!