Hi Raven, I'm sorry you feel so sad and that your daughter is causing you so much angst. I know about RAD and it's a very difficult disorder to deal with. Has your daughter been to attachment therapy? I hear that it sometimes can help a child improve and attach in a healthy way and to change some of those behaviors. I have a child with ADHD and I know it's a never ending situation in dealing with it. I think what helps me is to separate the child from the disorder and to tell myself it's not my son who is making me crazy by doing inappropriate things but his DISORDER and he can't help it. That's not to say he should get away with any kind of behavior either!

How old was your daughter when you adopted her? Did you know about the RAD?

Lastly, as her mom you need support as well. I hope you are getting some of that through your therapy but it may also help to join a support group where you live with children struggling with the same issues.

Lastly, but not leastly...HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I do hope you can do something fun and happy and that your daughter can celebrate and enjoy it with you. I'd send you cake and ice cream but this computer I'm using does not have access to Emoticon....so I'll leave the graphics to the others here! So have some good cake and enjoy the day!!

Hugs
TN

Raven,
So sorry your daughter is acting this way...know how difficult it is when they act up...I don't know what can be done for her behavior. Have a Happy Birthday

Hey Raven, happy birthday and sorry your daughter is being crappy to you on a special day. Don't forget that we have just had a full moon and it causes all types of bad behaviours in our house. I have special needs kids and it never ends. One of my children has the same attitude as your daughter's and no matter what I try I can't get through to him. It destroys me at times. I can only suggest that you get some professional help and support for your child and possibly talk with other parents who are going thru the same thing.

Thank you all for the birthday wishes!

I adopted my daughter when she was 10, but she had been with me for two years.

She is still intherapy and has been since I got her. We've done group therapy, family therapy, RAD groups, etc. She has come a long way ~ it's just the core problem of her wanting what she wants when she wants it and not thinking through the consequences. When she does get "caught" she really believes she shouldn't be in trouble and never has any remorse.

I love her dearly, but 13 with RAD is tough. I'm actually glad that this weekend she will be at her grandmother's house and I will be at a leadership retreat. I think a break from each other will help.

My biggest fear is for her future. After 6 years of therapy, she still doesn't seem to have a fully developed conscience or ability to have empathy. Since my dad and brother are psychopaths ~ this behavior of hers really triggers me and then I also worry about raising a psychopath.

Thanks for the support and letting me vent!

Instead of being reactive with her and getting upset - maybe you can sit her down and explain to her that it hurts your feelings when she does xyz.. discuss empathy with her. Discuss her caring about how you feel.

Hi Raven,
I just wanted to say that coping with an ordinary 13 year old is difficult enough that I can't imagine how much more complex dealing with a child with RAD who was adopted at age 10 would be. It speaks so well of you that you chose to take on this challenge, but it is a very difficult road to walk. Of course there will be times, no matter how much you love her (and it's very clear that you do) where it will feel overwhelming and you'll feel depleted.

I hope that the break from each other will give you a chance to refresh yourself. I don't really have any advice, but I do want you to know that one mother to another, you have my sympathy.

And Happy Birthday! I hope you were able to salvage some of the day.

AG