I would say that in a situation like this, it becomes important to ask yourself how important it is that your T meet this need, whatever that need may be. Is it possible to have this need met elsewhere.....or is it critical to your therapy that T meets it? If so, I would explore finding a T with a different boundary, as it wouldn't be fait to T to ask her to violate her own boundaries. I think that would be damaging to the relationship.

Hi Someone,
I have been in the situation where my T could not meet my needs and thankfully he was the one to tell me. (I needed more contact between sessions; I had major projection with him so I was always fearful of him abandoning me). He suggested that we break- he promised me he was not terminating me (I was so attached- like he was God and would save me) and he referred me to a colleague (a female). I've seen the colleague for three months and now she's told me that I can go back to the original; I've made enough progress. (I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet) So- I think if your T can't meet your needs s/he should tell you and have a plan for you. Or, if you know he can't, discuss it or outline what you think you need.

Thanks for your comments LadyGrey and NobleDaughter

It's just hard not to feel so rejected and worthless when my T won't hug or touch me when I am in so much pain over the relationship. And I know my T is a huggy person and I think does really want to hug\comfort me. I don't know if my T is completely against all touch, but I'm not feeling well enough to ask and hear no, and it'll probably make my T feel very sad and maybe be tempted to shift the boundaries. I guess it's not an absolute need, or maybe not even a need at all , I just think it'll take a long long time to get to the same place by just talking.

Someone,

I know how much it hurts and how bad the rejection feels. My T doesn't hug or hold hands either. I went through a long period when I felt as though I just wanted to hire someone to hold me while I cry, that that would be sooo healing. Now I can kind of stand back a little and just feel a bit sad that's it's something I can't have right now.

It feels too vulnerable to ask. Maybe when you feel a little less vulnerable you can bring it up. But you shouldn't worry about your T shifting boundaries just for you. It is his or her responsibility to assert the boundaries.

xoxo

Liese