I am so mad at T. but I don't know why. There have been some minor things, but nothing significant. What is negative transference?
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RM,
Negative transference is really just a way to describe having negative feelings about your therapist based on the past. My T is not all that fond of the term "transference" as it carries the implication that your feelings are somehow not "real." I tend to define transference as our seeing things through the prism of our early childhood experience. Those experiences built a picture in our mind of what happens in relationships and what we can expect from other people. In therapy, where there is a deep symbolic aspect to the relationship, these feelings and expectations can surface.
I think I was the angriest I have ever been with my therapist over the issue of another client putting something in my heart box, and I really was upset with him here and now, but the intense rage was about being unprotected and having my boundaries violated. So in a sense, the present incident was a "hook" to hang my feelings of outrage on.
Would you feel comfortable discussing these feelings with your therapist? Including the fact that you are not sure where all the anger is coming from? I truly believe this is where a lot of the work in therapy gets done, in examining what is happening between you and your therapist. The therapeutic relationship is an odd duck, unlike any other, but most closely resembles a parental one. For people with unresolved childhood issues, it is the perfect labratory in which to allow those feelings to emerge into the light with the other person keeping their needs out of the room and helping you understand yourself. I think its really important that you are self-aware enough to both recognize you are having these feelings AND that something about them doesn't seem to fit with what you know about your relationship with your T. Sorry, though, trust me that I know how painful and confusing it can be to be in the midst of these feelings.
AG
Negative transference is really just a way to describe having negative feelings about your therapist based on the past. My T is not all that fond of the term "transference" as it carries the implication that your feelings are somehow not "real." I tend to define transference as our seeing things through the prism of our early childhood experience. Those experiences built a picture in our mind of what happens in relationships and what we can expect from other people. In therapy, where there is a deep symbolic aspect to the relationship, these feelings and expectations can surface.
I think I was the angriest I have ever been with my therapist over the issue of another client putting something in my heart box, and I really was upset with him here and now, but the intense rage was about being unprotected and having my boundaries violated. So in a sense, the present incident was a "hook" to hang my feelings of outrage on.
Would you feel comfortable discussing these feelings with your therapist? Including the fact that you are not sure where all the anger is coming from? I truly believe this is where a lot of the work in therapy gets done, in examining what is happening between you and your therapist. The therapeutic relationship is an odd duck, unlike any other, but most closely resembles a parental one. For people with unresolved childhood issues, it is the perfect labratory in which to allow those feelings to emerge into the light with the other person keeping their needs out of the room and helping you understand yourself. I think its really important that you are self-aware enough to both recognize you are having these feelings AND that something about them doesn't seem to fit with what you know about your relationship with your T. Sorry, though, trust me that I know how painful and confusing it can be to be in the midst of these feelings.
AG
Thank you for your response. It makes a lot of sense. It is so weird because in my head I know T. did nothing wrong. But, I'm still angry. It makes me feel crazy because T. has not wronged me.
It does a real number on my head when it crops up, even when I get intellectually where it comes from. I have to say, the worst it's ever been for me is with my husband. I spent years volcanically angry with him. He had done some things that were very damaging to our relationship, yes. But it somehow cut deep and I stayed incandescent with rage for a very long time. Even after I'd identified that it tapped into some very powerful attachment related stuff, I still couldn't make it go away. Ugh!
One of the things that helped me is trying to think of the transference (or whatever word you use to describe the phenomenon) is that it's real but it's also a message, or red flag or pointer to where the work might be going, painful as that may be and that it is nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of.
Recognising transference when you're stuck in the middle of it is a real skill, I think - albeit one that makes you question your grip on reality (!) I still suck at it. Mostly I flail around indiscriminately for a bit before going "Ohhhhhh."
My big thing is not taking it into the room, even once I've figured it out. I give myself a big pat on the back for recognising it and then tell myself that I don't need to let my T in on what's been going on. Cause it's sorted. ;-)
I'm with you on the whole 'it makes you crazy' part!
One of the things that helped me is trying to think of the transference (or whatever word you use to describe the phenomenon) is that it's real but it's also a message, or red flag or pointer to where the work might be going, painful as that may be and that it is nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of.
Recognising transference when you're stuck in the middle of it is a real skill, I think - albeit one that makes you question your grip on reality (!) I still suck at it. Mostly I flail around indiscriminately for a bit before going "Ohhhhhh."
My big thing is not taking it into the room, even once I've figured it out. I give myself a big pat on the back for recognising it and then tell myself that I don't need to let my T in on what's been going on. Cause it's sorted. ;-)
I'm with you on the whole 'it makes you crazy' part!
For about fourteen months I was angry with my counsellor. Outside of my session I was constantly cursing her and in turn it caused erotic fantasies! I had painfully written down my problem/actions and feebly attempted to discuss it with her after many months, my counsellor ‘normalised my actions’ and moved on, she shut me down. I’ll not broach that subject with her again and I am positive she’ll never broach it with me but it’s still a problem for me. She doesn’t like me (I know because I asked her) but said she cares about me, what’s the difference? Anyway, I like her and we’ve been working better for a while but this week, from nowhere out of session I find myself cursing her again for no apparent reason which then sends me into questioning what the hell this is all about? It takes up so much headspace which can be quite distressing.