My T and I have been stuck in a rut for about 2 months that we can't get out of. We keep arguing about the same things. I feel like I'm ruining the relationship. All the good feelings he and I built up over the years are gone. He keeps telling me he's still the same but there's a part of me that doesn't trust him.

I was distressed at the yoga retreat on Friday night and sent him an email around 6:30 p.m. By nearly 9 a.m. the next morning, there was no response. I think what's happening is that he is not being consistent with me lately. When he happens to be available and an email comes through to me, he will respond right away. If he happens to be unavailable, I won't get a response right away. So, sometimes I do and sometimes I don't.

I started to think he hated me and so I sent him an email Saturday morning saying that I was just checking in, that he hadn't told me he would be unavailable so I hoped everything was okay, and that this is where things got hard for me to hold onto the trust - this is where things get sketchy for me. Because if he was available and just not responding, I just wouldn't know how to interpret that.

He wrote back and said that he had gotten my email late the night before and that he intended to reply that morning and that not to worry, everything was okay.

Then, I started to freak out about the fact that he read my email Friday night but decided not to reply to it. I brought it up today. After some discussion, he said, he decided it wasn't urgent or that I was in crisis.

I told him that we have been having the same discussion for 2 months. And, why couldn't he have just sent me an email Friday night telling me that he got my email but that he was going to bed (or whatever) and that he would reply more fully the next day? That it's the "lack of response" that I have difficulty with. The fact that he could read my email, know that I struggle with a lack of response and yet still decide NOT to answer me until the next day. Does anyone get that?

I told him that I know I'm being egocentric by asking him to change his behavior to make me feel more comfortable but I think we keep getting stuck in an enactment. I feel like he is not hearing me and continues to disregard what I say and I think he feels he has to set some boundaries for himself but isn't being honest with me or with himself or isn't being consistent with them.

I know there is no rational answer here. I feel awful. I feel like a demanding spoiled brat but the other option is to just go away completely. I am trying to stay connected to him. I just feel disgusting and horrified with myself. I want to curl up in a ball in bed. I don't know how to get out of this loop with him. He says he does want to hear what bothers me and encourages me to tell him and is still encouraging me to tell him but I FEEL SO GROSS. Does anyone have any insight? Is it just one of my parts?