((((PUPPET)) I'm really sorry for your pain concerning termination, that is such a tough thing to deal with. Please, just be careful if you miss a session and expect your T to learn something from it, and you don't get the reaction you are looking for, because that may end up hurting you more. Just do what will help you, and don't focus on your T. Focus on "YOU". HUGS

I'm really sorry you are going to have to leave her before you are ready.
But I really encourage you not to do a no call/no show to an appointment. If you'd like a week off to see how it is - I'd suggest discussing and arranging that with her.

Is there any way you can Skype with her after you leave to aid yourself in the move? I know it wouldn't be the same...

It maybe feels like contemplating a bereavement? That is so hard.

Can you maybe ask her how to safely work towards this being at least bearable for you? Do you think you might work with someone else when you have moved?

The attachments we make with T's are so deep. And, as many of us have had rubbish attachments as kids, these situations are so very painful. It is different perhaps if the ending is because the client is now OK enough and is just at the right time to finish. But, you are finishing because you have to move away You and her need to work out how to do this.

((((puppet))))

I feel your pain so much as I am in a similar situation (except I will leave in a few months. And I am trying to avoid to.)

I tried to tell her about it, and it was so hard. So hard I don't know what she answered because I was not able to 'hear' her as I was being too scared. She may have mentioned Skype. Or Scotland. Or maybe not. So I will have to go through it again.

I am guessing I am not really helpful there, except to say: I am so scared by this "never" as well, it hurts so much I can't even imagine it.

And I third the other ones: no show may not get you the result that you hope, and may increase your pain, so... maybe telling her about it?

awww (((puppet))) that is really hard stuff. that is also something that i have struggled with in therapy, and have struggled for a loooong time in therapy. i have never brought it up with T, though. for some reason i just have a really hard time telling him just how important he is. i guess it just seems too vulnerable. for me, it all boils down to realizing that T knows more about me, gets me, listens to me, and seems to empathize with me more than any other person on this planet. how one is expected to just walk away from that is more than i can fathom. it's so hard imagining that that day will come. i hate it.

i agree with what the others have said. don't cancel. therapy is about you, and learning about yourself. you're not going to teach your T any life lessons by cancelling. if anything, i imagine she would take the opportunity and focus on why you felt you needed to try to teach her a lesson. and i think you'll only end up hurting yourself if you were to do that.

just today i saw a quote that said "to really love something is to realize you may lose it". puppet, try to talk with your T about this stuff, because i think it will help. i don't think it will remove all the pain, but i do think it will help you.

keep us posted, okay? gentle hugs

thank you for your replies, i dont feel like i deserve them... but it helps to know others understand and i'm not all alone with it (i dont know yet how much of this i can tell T)

eme,
you're probably right that it will end up hurting me more and she will just be puzzled or something... thank you for your kind words and saying to focus on me.

lucy,
thank you also for encouraging me not to miss my appointment. the fact that everyone said the same really helped me, and i think i will go. skype is out of the question unfortunately. but i still have this hope that i might be able to email her, at least for a while - but i am too afraid to ask directly yet in case she says no, and then i will really have NOTHING. so will keep this hope up my sleeve for a while.

sapphire-blue,
you're right, it feels like a bereavement... maybe thats why i brought up the question about when she dies (i cant believe i did that! ) i think i do have to talk to her about how she can help me leave in a years time, but i dont even know how to begin. asking for help is the thing i'm worst at. thank you for saying 'you and her' - that we have to work it out together!

about,
i'm really sorry i have reminded you of your own upcoming loss... i know i have a year so i tend to only panic once in a while, other sessions i am more in denial or think theres time left and i am ok. i cant imagine what you must be going through being closer to the time. i hope my question is not painful - but is there a way to stay longer for you? i think i remember you saying something about getting the best education? if it really feels wrong to leave her, maybe you don't have to yet. your heart and soul need an education too, so keep that in mind too when making your decision. i'm sorry if these are things you've already considered and it's not any help.
thank you for your words and for also encouraging me to go to my session.

closed doors,
i'm also really scared of telling her or even letting her see indirectly how important she is to me! so i try to hide it as best i can, but then it makes it impossible to talk about leaving or how i'm struggling with this. i also dont know how one is expected to just walk away from that?? her comments about how when people are 'done' they leave and get on with their lives felt dismissive to me! i dont know if i will ever be 'done', i am definetely not even close now. thank you for your words and for your encouragement to not cancel and try to talk about this. it really really helped to have everyone say the same thing, i realized theres no point creating even more conflict within myself missing sessions when i am already worried about not having many left.

back and i will update if anything remarkable happens at my session (in 3 days time)

puppet