it's the old cliche, LongRoad ... "recognizing that it's a problem is the first step". what you said reminded me of a conversation on the radio i heard on my way into work today. the woman said "i've been feeling so GOOD lately ... should i see someone"? like, she was wondering if she should see a shrink because her outlook was unusually optimistic. not to say that's your situation exactly, but I'd say enjoy it while it lasts, and try to put "the other shoe's gonna fall" on the back burner. try to enjoy the good, you deserve it!!

that's exactly what i was trying to say, AG! that I think he was modeling how to be imperfect while not being hard on oneself. and i have the TRex to remind me that it's okay to be a little crumpled and imperfect.

went to session on Thursday. it was good. i'm really starting to feel like I can trust T and that he's really on my side and makes no judgements about me, although even after 3 years i struggle with the unconditional part of this whole deal. But he's starting to convince me, which is no easy feat. after me telling him that it was a little disappointing that he upheld his part of the deal in spite of the fact that i did not, he told me that he does not need me to be flawless in order to "play" with me and have "fun" with me. it felt a little weird, but it also felt really real and honest. can't say much more.

(((CD))) sounds like a good session. It can be hard to take in, but its sounds like you're starting to! Good stuff.