Hi sweetpea and welcome to the Board. Were you able to talk a lot in your former therapy? How do you feel about your new T?

I look forward to hearing more of your story and getting to know you.

TN

Hello Sweetpea and welcome to the forum.

Wow I’d swap Ts with you in an instant (if I still had a T) - I’d give anything for some silences in my therapy - I talk a lot but all my Ts seem to be hellbent on outtalking me!

I think I get what you mean though - it would make therapy so much easier and IMO more beneficial, if Ts helped out a bit more with drawing the client out. Particularly at the beginning of sessions.

Is this T you’ve started with someone you have already been working with before? As TN asked, how do you feel about this new T and how was it in your previous therapy?

I guess the only real thing you can do is make a huge effort to just open your mouth and talk. Maybe if you posted here some of the things you’d like to talk about in therapy, it would make it easier for you to bring them up with T - kind of practice

Looking forward to hearing more about you.

LL

Welcome Sweetpea,

quote:

I guess i'm just wondering how to make the most of my therapy sessions?

Here's what I do:
-I record my sessions on my iPod and then listen to them over again and journal about the whole session.
-I write down a couple bullet points over the week on things I want to be sure to talk about. Sometimes it’s something that I know I’m going to have a hard time saying, and sometimes it’s just something little. About half way through the session I check my journal to make sure I’ve said everything.

quote:

My therapist doesn't talk much either. I think if she were to talk more maybe i'd feel more comfortable!

You would probably feel more comfortable, but then it wouldn’t be therapy, it would be a chat between two people. You doing the talking is kinda the point of therapy

quote:

I started back to therapy last tuesday. It went better than usual I think but I still have a lot of trouble talking about what's bothering me

And you’re worried about this? It’s only your first session back! Give it some time!!!! And don’t be too hard on yourself (easier said than done). Everything will come with time

-Mac

sweetpea

Welcome (favourite flower too )

Don't fret about silences - I have plenty of them and I can now just use them to let myself be, find and gather my thoughts and not feel pressurised into saying anything just to fill the gaps. Your T will feel way more comfortable with silence maybe than you for ages.

She is not saying much because shhe wants you to talk, BUT I know how hard that can be ...for me I felt very on the spot so T and I worked out a deal whereby she wouldn't let me flounder but would allow silence - there is a difference I think. I think the more you work with her, the more she will learn from you.

starfish

Hey everyone, it's nice to meet ye and thanks for replying
i'm sorry, i probably didn't explain myself very well! I'm in my second year of college and am going to the college therapist. I went to the same one last year too but then we finished up for the summer holidays in may. She was supposed to call me back in September when i started back to make an appointment but by the end of october she still hadn't called so i called her instead. i think she forgot about me im glad its sorted out now but i'm kinda scared that maybe she doesn't like me and didn't want me to come back..
I always found it kinda hard to talk in my appointments. I think that's just me though coz when i get nervous i freeze up and can't talk. She just stares at me most of the time and says nothing. its a little uncomfortable. I think it might help me talk more if she asked me more questions. i dunno The only thing keeping me going right now is the thoughts of my next appointment on tuesday so that must mean that it is helping me in some way! Im finding it really hard to focus in college. Sorry this is so mixed up.. all my thoughts are confused.
Thanks for being so welcoming and i can't wait to get to know ye better too

Hey Rio and Dragonfly
i've never tried writing stuff down..the thoughts of telling her everything scares me a little. i always get kinda afraid that she'll think i'm stupid or something. i'm not sure if i can email her - she's never said i could. Last year i was having A LOT of trouble with my college work so my therapist emailed my tutor for me and explained everything. but this year i have new tutors again so they don't know yet.
Thanks for welcoming me

Hi Sweetpea,

I am a junior in college and although I'm now working with a therapist off campus, I started out with a therapist on campus a bit over a year ago. We had a ten session limit, which I can see now, after the fact, made things very hard and rushed. I think my T really pushed things way too fast. Do you have any sort of limit like that?

I'm sorry, there's more I want to write but I just don't have time right now. I always felt very scared when I had sessions on campus and often didn't talk unless my T said something first. Well, I never talked unless my T did first. Have you ever tried telling her that you feel like you can't talk at times (rather than just that you won't or don't want to)?

I'm glad you're here, Sweetpea. Welcome.

Hi there Sweetpea, welcome Oh, i relate to your problem..the silence used to freak me out too. I know its so hard and can be so frustrating to not be able to talk, espescially in the first period of therapy, when one feels like its SO MUCH that need to be said and talked about and explained, yeah? But you should not worry too much- it will most likely get better. Its very common to feel like this in the start of therapy, before everything is "set" and feel safe and secure.. Its very normal that it takes time to open up, and get safe enough with your T...

Can you tell your T about any of this? that you maybe want to have more questions, so that you would be able to open up more...?

fwiw; I freezed up too very often, and i told my T, little by little, that he had to be more talkable with me and ask more questions because i was too anxious to just speak up...and he did. Maybe your T will also do some "tricks" to help you with this?

I am also thinking that since you worry that your T doesnt like you (oh, thats such a hard feeling, bet you wrong though) it makes it even harder for you to open up-? No wonder why if so. I would for sure be more silent if i thought my T had forgot me- like you think your T did... I bet you wrong- its so easy for us patients to guess the worst, but you are obviously back in therapy now and i am sure T is glad to have you back again.

Take care girl, and thombs up for your next appt. Dont be scared to tell her about your confusing thoughts.. T will handle that very well i am sure...

Hi Sweetpea,
I don't have much to add to the discussion as I think you're getting great replies, but I just wanted to say welcome to the forum, it's good to have you here.

AG

hey everyone, i don't think we have any limits over here. There are only 2 therapists in my college and they work in another college during the week aswel so they're always really busy. sometimes i feel bad about that.
Yeah i've tried telling her that i freeze up and thats why i can't talk so she doesn't think i'm being rude. but she still doesnt say much.
I feel like I can't open up atall.. i've been going to her for a year now and i feel stupid that i can't talk I feel like i'm wasting her time. I have a lot of bad thoughts but i just can't put them into words. sometimes i come out of therapy feeling worse than ever because of this.
I really hope she doesn't hate me! it does worry me a lot! I'm pretty sure she did forget me though.
thanks

me too, sweetpea! Welcome aboard! I hope you will feel ok with your T not talking if you can't. Sometimes, that helped me in time, to just feel as if it's ok to not talk, too, if frozen. That my T wouldn't judge me for it. I'm sure your T like you. It's a common feeling to think they don't. Anyways, welcome, and I'm looking forward to see your posts, if you decide to make some more.

BB

hey thanks blackbird

i'm reallly scared about therapy tomorrow morning... i always get really really nervous the night before. last week i nearly ended up not going coz i got so scared
the therapy room in my college is in a really awkward place for me.. it's right beside the room that my class works in so when i'm waiting to go in people in my class see me waiting outside sometimes and i guess they probably know by now why i'm waiting but i'd rather they didn't coz its private that was a long sentance! i always find that once i'm in my appointment, it goes by really fast. sometimes i wish it'd last longer..

Good luck in your session, Sweetpea. I had the same problem for a very long time in therapy. just now after about 18 months, I am beginning to trust my T and open up to him, and be able to just say what is on my mind. (which often, isn't even that big a deal- and I worried about that in itself!) Well, I hope it won't take you that long, 18 months to build the trust, but if it does, that is ok too. The "wasting his time" thing...that is just not true, you aren't wasting your T's time. She is in this for you. now but, they don't say much, these T's, do they? I plagued my T in letters about that for months. Why won't you help me talk to you? Now he helps, a bit more, but at that time he would not. It was very difficult piece to get through. In time it will get easier, I'm hoping and keeping my fingers crossed for you to relax and breathe and just say, whatever. Yeah, I too wish sessions would last...well, forever to be honest- I'd like my T to carry me around in a little backpack, just for me!

Take care now, I hope you get good rest and have a great session.

BB

Thanks blackbird.
well, my appointment is over now. it didn't go to plan she ended up sending me to a dr who is making me take medication. (my t has been trying to talk me into it for ages now)i don't like the thoughts of taking medication.
so that was my day it sucked.

Aw, I am sorry Sweetpea...sometimes medication is neccessary just to get over the hump, I guess...I know I resist it, too, I really hate the idea. I'm sure your T's suggestion is coming from a place of care- but it still feels like crap. What is it that you hate about taking medication? For myself, it is like a feeling of powerlessness, or something...not sure...

BB

for me its the side effects and i don't like the idea of having to rely on it everyday and i'm scared my parents will find out

Hi Sweetpea, and welcome to the forums!

I'm sorry your appointment today didn't go the way you would have liked it to. I do not take medication myself (although I have considered it), so I can't give you any first-hand support...but I do know it is important to talk to your T about feeling misunderstood or not heard. Has she explained to you why she feels that is what is best for you? Have you told her why you don't like the idea of taking medication? I hope the two of you can keep discussing this and come to a conclusion that makes sense to both of you.

Also, have you ever asked your T why she stays quiet? My T is really good at letting the silence be, if I can't think of anything to talk about right away. And it has always made me feel uncomfortable. But the last T I had was also uncomfortable with silence, and so he would kind of "take over" the sessions, which I was only too happy to let him do. But the problem was, he never really "heard" me, and eventually the whole thing ended up derailing. So even though the silence with my current T makes me feel uncomfortable, I've learned to be really grateful for it, because it means we will end up talking about what I want to talk about. The therapy always ends up being about my stuff, never about hers. Also, every time she does that, is an opportunity for me to practice being the one "going first", something else I've never been comfortable with. So what she ends up giving me is a HUGE gift.

And silence in therapy is NEVER wasted, IMO. I hope AG doesn't mind my sharing something her T told her about another patient of his, because I think it's really relevant to this whole idea. Her T once had a patient who came every week for a year and didn't say anything for the whole session. Then he said to AG, that time was not wasted, because they both learned very important lessons. What he learned during that time was how to wait. And his patient learned that she was worth waiting for.

Every time I'm uncomfortable with the silence, I remember that example and it just gives me chills. Try to see the silence as not being under pressure to talk...but as evidence that your T believes that you are worth waiting for. Because you are.

Peace,
SG

Hi Sweetpea and welcome!!
(one of my favourite flowers!)
I can't add to the good advice already proferred, other than to say that just sometimes, a little medication can take the edge off our emotions!!
Take care and be gentle with yourself.
Morgs

Agreed, Morgs...I'm seriously considering meds, myself, right now sweetpea, and I know what a difficult decision it is, especially with the worries about side effects. I'm wondering about your worry about your parents...are they not supportive of you being in therapy? If so, that would be a really hard place to be...let us know how you are, if you can.

BB