Hi...

Great sight. I have read many articles, printed them out and ate them. hehe.
I wanted to ask you all a question or a few, smile. I have read the BASK posts about dissociation. For me and my experience, I went through trauma as a child, and completely left my body... emotions, sensations, things not going perfect, the possible chance of threat, or critical comments, or things not going right, rubbed the belly of this trauma best within my guts, so I did all I could to get the hell away, from it, which meant people, family, self, mirrors, pictures, and feedback of my self, but you cant runaway from self. So here in starts the healing journey I have been on for 8 years. I just started somatic therapy and its knockin my socks off. Im learning much, My nervous system is learning. I just wanted to ask, I have been so aware of the behavior associated with my issues. The affects of the emotions that come along, the thoughts, the knowledge, what has been the achilles heal challenge has been the sensations, as soon as Im activated, I rush and tense to make sure nothing is felt in my body, where as Im so aware of the above, the sensations however, I have learned some resources, which is def throwing a wrench into my normal learned procedure, and when Im in session with the somatic therapist, I can totally feel the sensations, as Im tuned in with her and she helps guide me, but there is no charge, Im in a relaxed open, state, where as if Im a lil boy on my own (in my imgination) and any thing activates me, Im painfully aware of everything else, except SENSATIONS in the body. But Im learning a new language, I just wanted to hear any elses thoughts, etc. My experience as a child, I had a near death experience so its like I try to hard to make sure nothing is felt in the body, and yet I still get a bit freaked with anxiety, fear, rage, sadness come because Im afraid of the sensations that may follow or are actually first started in the body then I become aware, but because Im so disconnected from the body, Im more so attuned to the emotions thoughts behaviors knowledge whilst the sensations are locked away. Its like a bucking bronco I dont wanna ride, so I watch it on the sidelines studying its behaviors. Tho Im learning... especially with my new therapy Im trying. She is awesome and has a good nervous system. Just wanted to hear anyone elses thoughts,as I have felt so alone, and kept this repressed and hidden on my own trying to fix it. Thanks