Things haven't been going well where I live and I have a dear friend who wants me to go live with him when my lease runs out at the start of february. Only problem is he lives on the other side of the country which means i have to leave my T and i just dont feel ready. But will probably make the move anyway, I think it will be worse for me emotionally if i stay.
To make things worse she had to cancel our session this week due to a family emergency (which i totally understand) but now cant get any time to see me until at least 2nd week of december. I mentioned last time i saw her i'd probably be moving away and i know she's going to find it hard too, but i feel so anxious knowing there's a clock counting down and i'm running out of time to see her. And that she can't fit me in.
There's still things i should probably work on but i really dont see myself seeing another T. This move is about trying to break away from all the bad stuff, i dont want it to follow me. But i'm scared i'm never going to be "OK" because i haven't got to where i wanted to be.
Realistically with the christmas break etc i've probably only got 2 or 3 more sessions with her. Part of me just wants to say dont even bother, its just going to drag it out, and make me feel even more 'unfinished'. I want to push her away now while things are already disrupted so that it saves us the whole goodbye process. If i can make myself angry at her then i wont miss her as much. But i also really want to get some closure, I don't want to leave feeling anything negative towards her because she has been such a... well i dont even know how to explain it... she has kept me going when i didn't think i could. And i'm also scared that without her i will slip back into being depressed/suicidal.
anyone have some words of advice?A
