Hi DGUOM... welcome to the Board. I have to admit you confused me by saying you have been in therapy most of your life and then saying you just started therapy and have had 6 sessions. Maybe I am misunderstanding?

I think what you "may" be doing in session when you approach something that feels scary or dangerous is dissociating. I sort of go into a foggy haze at times and feel tired and sleepy when I'm dissociating. You should talk to your T about this. And I don't really think she thinks you are crazy but I had this exact conversation with my T tonight. I told him that I know he thinks I'm crazy and he smiled at me and said "no I don't and what you tell me makes perfect sense in the context of your past". I have seen him for over 2 years now. Then he teased me that if I have not been able to convince him I'm crazy by now then I will never convince him.

I think therapists understand that behavior that seems different or unusual has a basis somewhere and they want to find out about it by looking at your past or your history. It helps if you can talk about how you are feeling when it happens and try not to be embarrassed. Your T is there to help you and not to judge you.

TN

Hi there, DontGiveUpOnMe (mind if I stick to DGUOM? )

I think what you are saying is that you've been in therapy most of your life, but you've only had 6 sessions with a new therapist, right? I agree with TN - it sounds like you're experiencing some sort of dissociation. I think a lot of Ts can pick up when a client is dissociating. My former T did a few times. So, hopefully your T is able to recognize this (she probably can). Also, I think that your reaction to the topics you are talking about that brings about your panic should automatically let your T know that you're going through a rough patch and things should be taken slowly. That by no means makes you crazy in anybody's eyes, including your T! How stringent is your T on payments? Honestly, since she let you leave without paying (or did she remind you?), that makes it seem like she knows how hard some of this stuff is for you.

Anyway, I really don't think therapists think their clients are crazy. Besides, what's the definition of crazy, anyway? When I think of how I define crazy, I imagine hearing those odd stories about old women with 100 cats roaming around a tiny house. Now that's crazy.

So sorry about that, I meant that I have been going to therapy most of my life. Only difference is that I wasnt allowed to realy say anything because I had to keep secrets from my therapist.

So now that im 19, I am allowed to have actual therapy, without fear of anyone telling police or something. I just started with a new therapist and I have had 6 sessions. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

My T hasnt really ever mentioned anything about dissociation. What you described is exactly what I feel, I have to sink in my chair and I get really disoriented. Like, I cant remember her questions. Its just embarassing that I had a physical reaction to what we were talking about, I feel like I probably looked like those crazy homeless people that cant control hand movements or something. I might actually ask her if she thinks im crazy, because sometimmes I replay the session and I think...God....im a nutcase.

As for payments. We made an agreement. I live with someone who is in control of my payments. She "manipulates" me by telling me she might not feel like paying...as a way to keep me under her control. So My therapist told me that if ever that were to happen, she would see me for free, so I wouldnt have to worry about it.

Last session I forgot to pay her, but she reminded me. She asked me if I was in a situation where I couldnt pay her, in the end I did pay her, I just forgot because I was in a daze or something. Honestly, I felt like she might think im a thief for forgetting

Dontgiveuponme

Hello and welcome. No I really don't think your therapist or any other decent one would think you are crazy, neither would anybody here. What you describe sounds very familiar to me and I expect to several members here.

It sounds very much to me as TN suggested, that you are dissociating, little wonder, as you say

quote:

already I have moved into "deep dark" things

I think your body is trying to protect you from being overwhelmed by what you are experiencing. This can result in all sorts of feelings of heaviness and head-fugginess and of not feeling connected. So it is not surprising that you forgot to pay, your brain had a lot to contend with just then.

Do talk it through with your T as she will have an insight that is more pertinint to you. I wish you well in your journey, going to those difficult dark places is never easy, so allow all the support you can get.

starfish