(maybe self-harm triggers; sorry if this warning is inappropriate, thought it best to say?)



Hello,

I have been lurking for a bit; this place seems so supportive and I never know that there was anywhere where it was "ok" to talk about therapy. No one knows about my problems, in my "real life" and I find the week between sessions almost surreal, like did that (the session) even happen?!
I've been seeing a counsellor for about a year and a half now and I never realised that I had such problems with trust. It has taken me so long to learn to open up and trust her and she has been great. Yesterday something that happened in the session seems to have really had an impact (hopefully good).
I self harm. In the last few months the regularity is slowly decreasing and something that is motivating me is being able to not cover up so much so I was wearing shorter sleeves than normal yesterday and during the session she asked me about that. She often says that she does not feel "permission" to talk about this topic with me and if we do discuss it that she needs to ask as much as she can in case it is a long time again. I explained about what I am doing and then she asked if she could look like the uncovered part of my arms. I thought about it and said yes; she came over and told me what she could see and very gently touched my scars. I couldn't really feel it but I can't stop thinking about it since then and don't really know where to "go" with it or what to do. She asked how it felt to be questioned and I said fine since it was her and she knows but I couldn't handle similar from anyone else. she said I was "guarding" myself while she spoke to me, taking my time to reply and that it was ok, I needed to protect myself.
Sorry, this is an essay. I really just needed to say it out. I am glad to meet you all and hope (if its ok) to be able to reply and offer anything I can too x