Hello

Not sure if anyone remembers me. I was terminated by exT last September and posted about it then.

I thought it was time to get some more support, particularly as I have some tricky issues to resolve around my (lack of) career so I found a charity offering free counselling. I had an initial assessment appointment last week which seemed to be ok, not spectacular but ok so I agreed to continue.

Well, today was session 2 and it was horrible. Just after I sat down she said something like, "I know you've had a lot of therapy before so I wanted to hear whether last week met your expectations." For some reason, it totally triggered me into overwhelm. I clammed up, had to fight the urge to run from the room. After a long silence and becoming tearful, I had to ask to take a break and burst into tears in the corridor.

I eventually got it together enough to go back but had used up most of the session by then.

I've got lots of theories as to why I was triggered.

- asking about my expectations put pressure on me to have expectations and to assess the therapy after one session. It's still so early days, I have no idea whether we can successfully work together. Plus I don't think I have expectations. I think that's a good thing?

- I felt that she was asking me to validate her as a therapist and I can't do that yet and shouldn't have to. This is mother stuff for me. Having to bolster my mother's ego.

- it reminded me of past therapy experiences which obviously upset me as the last one ended badly and has resulted in me having to start all over again with someone new.


I was so overwhelmed. I hate not being able to speak like that. She asked a few times if I was happy to sit in silence in a safe place and all I could do was shake my head and eventually whisper that I really didn't feel safe.

Oh yuck.

Second blimmin session. Is this therapy doomed?