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7 replies

new (temporary) T - bad session

puppetpuppetMember
i started seeing a new T and this was my 3rd session out of 6, which is what we agreed due to financial restrictions.
the first session / consultation was really hard, didnt go into deep stuff then. last week, i thought went really well. we covered my past a little bit and i started feeling a bit more comfortable talking to her, she seems pretty switched on. (although not as nice and gentle as my old T)

today, she brought up some things about myself that... how shall i put it... i'm not proud of, some hard truths but i wasn't expecting that, she hardly knows me and i felt like she is criticizing me already!
she did say that she doesn't mean to criticize, she is just observing. but to me it felt like she pulled the shower curtain open in front of everyone and stood there pointing at all my faults.

i didn't take it very well. i did tell her that i felt judged and that i was a bit angry - although that was an understatement. but i think she did see that i was upset.

sorry, i'm not able to say what she said yet, i'm still in hiding and denial mode.

i'm wondering if others have had similar experiences and if it became constructive. at the moment i can't see how it can become constructive, because this is something that is very hard for me to face. it could be that because we have such a limited time she is going extra hard at it, but all i want to do at the moment is run.

maybe the whole idea to do 6 session therapy with a new T was a bad one...


puppet
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ladygreyladygreyMember
I can't help but think that due to the limited sessions, she was pushing forward faster and harder than she normally would.

I can see how it would be constructive, but I think there has to be a certain level of trust that has been built up over time before one can venture into that territory.

I'm sorry you are upset by the things she said. Do you think they were accurate?
puppetpuppetMember
thank you Ladygrey! it makes me feel a bit less of a wimp...
yes, what hurts the most is that she was accurate. but i'm not sure if i'm ready to face that yet.

it was something to do with the resentment and anger i still hold onto over what happened in my childhood... but if i don't have that anymore i'm not sure what i'm left with... at least those feelings speak the truth and i'm not pretending anymore.

i'll stop here for now and i'll go back to being angry at her (even if i'm probably missing the point)



puppet
S sadlyMember
I would find that really hard indeed. Even if someone knows you very well and loves you deeply - it is still hard to have one's faults pointed out, so I would think your feelings of being exposed and a little humiliated? maybe? are normal and appropriate,
maybe her speed and your speed are different?
You could tell her this.
ladygreyladygreyMember
puppet,

The truth is always so difficult to hear. We have to remember though that we are paying our T's to help us grow as people, to get to the root of our problems and not to just coddle us, be our friends, and tell us that yes,indeed, everyone in our life has hurt and damaged us. We are paying them to help us make the changes within ourselves to create a better life for ourselves.

Is it possible that T was not placing a judgement on these traits you possess, but simply pointing them out in an objective manner? i.e., "you struggle with anger and resentment" is not the same statement as , "you are really screwed up because you have some major issues with anger that make you not a good person". See the difference in those statements? T is making an observation. It is perhaps you who is putting the judgement into it. Make sense? and by the way, I totally do the same thing so hopefully this post isn't come across as judgemental either. if it is, i apologize. not my intent.
puppetpuppetMember
sadly, thank you for understanding, that's exactly how i felt, humiliated!
and yes, ladygrey, you are right, i suppose it is me who puts the 'humiliated' spin on it, she said herself her intention wasnt to criticize.

so, i understand that intellectually, but i still can't get over it, i feel so broken . maybe it's because i went to see her when i was so lost and broken and was hoping she would help me, but now i feel even more broken than before. it might just be that because she doesn't know me that well she miscalculated. (sadly, you are right, i should tell her that its too much and too fast for me)
i know its all my stuff, but it strikes such a deep chord within me and i can't get over it and i don't know how i'm going to see her next week.

i suppose this is all part of therapy, its just a little intense for me right now.

dont worry, i didn't feel at all judged, and it really helps to be able to talk about it here. thank you everyone, i really appreciate it.

puppet
puppetpuppetMember
thank you BG!
yes, the truth hurts sometimes, especially if we're not ready to face it yet.
(yes, i know what u mean about dr phil - he makes it look so easy sometimes! but i long for my dr phil moment too Smiler

i think what happened is that it did make me be too hard on myself and push myself too hard too - but now i reached a point (after an awful weekend) - where i say, its enough! i am who i am and where i am right now and that's that. hopefully i can say some of this (or how she made me feel - or i made myself feel.. whatever) at my session on wed... yikes, a day and a half to go!

puppet

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