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Newbie alert!

divadivaMember
Hello y'all! I'm new to this whole website and even though I'm in therapy, I'm one of those people who just needs all the support they can get. I grew up with an alcoholic father, and despite his illness he was an amazing dad when he was sober. He passed away when I was 14 and 6 years later, I'm still traumatized by the things I experienced growing up. He was never abusive towards me or my mother or my older brother and sisters, but I guess you can say he did put us all through some heavy emotional abuse. I struggle with abandonment because of him and my mom only cos she couldn't really be the mother she wanted to be for her kids cos she was so focused on trying to get my dad better. Even now that I'm 20 years old and away at college, I find myself still latching on to strong older female figures, including my T. While my T is wonderful and fantastic, (despite the rough patch I've hit with her recently) I feel like I can really push through all the trauma and struggles by reaching out to people who have gone through similar things as me. What a relief to finally be able to be surrounded by people like me and who would probably understand me more than people who have known me for years! I don't know why it took me so long to join one of these thingies Smiler
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unbrokenunbrokenMember
Jenny! Smiler

Welcome to the forums! I find your post to really resonate with me as I grew up in a similar environment of emotional abuse, and am now left with a strong attachment issue that is played out in my relationships with older women. Just wanted to welcome you, and let you know that with the right therapist and time, you'll discover so much more about yourself than you could ever imagine. Smiler

Look forward to talking more!

--Brokes
joiejoieMember
I've been reading this forum for over a year now, often wanting to post but not sure if I could really contribute or not.
This thread urged me to reply. I grew up in a similar environment: my father was an alcoholic and died as a result when I was seven years old. My mother also turned to alcoholism, especially after his death and went through a number of health issues as a result.
Since I was five years old I've had strong, painful attachments to certain female figures--often teachers, and now my T.
Until very recently, I didn't consider my childhood to be "a big deal" or to have affected me so profoundly. Yes, my parents were alcoholics, but they (namely my mom) were still there as parents. She still took care of me, was loving, etc. But I always felt like I was taking care of her. I was constantly worried about everything, about her dying, about finances, etc. And I can't distance myself from that anxiety and fear even now that I've moved out and my mom is sober. I don't feel my emotions. I'm just numbed out and resoundingly empty.
room2growroom2growCo-moderator
Jenny you are so not alone in this.

My parents are still alive and well, well into their disease, at least. Really though, they are still pretty active in society, and still try to be a part of their children's lives. (I have two siblings.) I, on the other hand, grew up thinking "crazy" was normal, since my parents and siblings all acted in the same manner (they are all actively using) and I was the "crazy" one since I didn't buy into their insanity.

Jenny, this is something that I'm still dealing with in my 30s...
quote:
I find myself still latching on to strong older female figures, including my T.


Joie, you said something that really stuck out to me too:
quote:
Since I was five years old I've had strong, painful attachments to certain female figures--often teachers, and now my T.
Until very recently, I didn't consider my childhood to be "a big deal" or to have affected me so profoundly.

I have struggled with this "female attachment challenge" myself and it's really hard for me to accept that to this day, as a grown woman, I'd still rather spend time with these "safe" female role models than my peers, or heaven forbid, a guy. I know I'm trying to find a way to get the nurturing that I didn't let my parents give me, and I get that nurturing from the safe females in my life, but I don't like it.

They do say that alcoholism is a family disease, because everyone is impacted. I feel like the outcast in my family, cause I'm the only one that never joined in the use.
divadivaMember
I think it's kind of ironic that even though my dad was the one who passed, I long for a female mother figure in my life. Despite the disease, I was a complete and total Daddy's Girl. My mom did give me love and attention, but I just so happened to be closer to my dad. When he died, it was like I lost a huge part of my heart and soul. I tried to connect with my mom, but it's very different than the relationship I had with my dad. Now that my mom is remarried and even though I get along fairly well with my stepdad, I still don't feel like I can connect with her on that deep level like I did with my dad, even though at the same times wish I cold, which is why I latch on to older strong female figures. My current T is probably the first one who I have latched on so intensely to and I've told her that many times. I'm glad she in a sense, accepts my attachment even though we both know it's not for forever. With her, she's helping me to break the cycle of alcoholism since I did pick up drinking pretty heavily due to my anxiety and depression over losing my dad. One day, and one session at a time...it's getting better, and for once I'm actually letting someone be a "mother" to me. Smiler

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